I don't wanna be your friend

Chapter 23

Did life only exist so it could pave a path destined to death?

Because now Cedric could do nothing but blame his existence for everything.
If he hadn't been alive, he wouldn't be so close to something that could only be described as dying.

It was agony. It was pain. So much pain.

Cedric thought that he knew these terms and feelings, he thought the share he had felt of those feelings would suffice a lifetime.
But he couldn't have been more wrong. He was so, so wrong because everything he had ever felt all his life was not even close to being qualified to be compared to what he was feeling and going through now.

It was so much, so much more than anything he had ever felt, anything he had ever known or experienced. It was so much more than life or his will to live, so much that every bone and every fiber in his body was not his anymore— now they were mere prisoners of his anatomy dommed to torment every second of his consciousness.

Cedric flipped the pillow with his straining fingers before the weight of his face was buried into it as an effect of gravity. One side of the pillow was already wet with the sweat escaping his body, and now this other side faced the same fate, except now it was due to his unrestrainable tears and snot.

It was three days since his body had been degraded to nothing but a faucet for his fluids to abandon him into festering shame. And for what felt like the thousandth time since then, after constantly tossing and turning in the bed to relieve the stabbing discomfort in his muscles, the bile at the back of his throat again found its way out of him.

Cedric was left gasping for air into his parched esophagus on the floor of the bathroom, and all the strength in his body felt wrung out, making it difficult for him to even stand. With nothing else left in his capacity to do, he rested his forehead on the cold hardness of the bathroom tiles, and the chanting of 'you can get through this' in his head lulled him in and out of consciousness for a little while before another wave of nausea hit him.

It burned his chest as the remnants of the drug kept flushing out of his body, but a comforting hand was softly petting at his back now and coaxing him towards finding his composure. It was becoming harder to breathe through the roughness, but with the choices he had made, half the time he was either on the toilet or with his head down it.

There was no pride left in himself to preserve, but through the tears, he still managed to beg, "don't let him see me like this. Don't let anyone see me like this, please."

But Sofia just shushed him as she continued caressing his shoulders, "nobody is here, don't worry about all that, just concentrate on your breathing. Just hold on a little more. Just breathe, Ced."

And Cedric listened, he listened to every piece of advice Sofia suggested after getting to know that he had decided to go cold turkey.

Her first suggestion was for him to tell his parents everything, but Cedric wasn't ready, he might be ready to never touch the pills again but not to talk to his parents about it. He just couldn't, it was instinctive, and then he realized that a part of him will always be scared that his parents would abandon him, he was afraid to disappoint them. He wasn't ready to address that.

The second on the list was to consult a doctor, and she made it clear that it was non-negotiable. Cedric was happy that she accompanied him into the doctor's cabin without being asked, and then the first thing the doctor— Dr. Kelly Jordan— suggested to him was to contact a rehab center.

Cedric had bristled at the word, and the urge to escape the hospital was skyrocketing. But sensing his discomfort, Sophia asked the doctor for other alternatives.
Dr. Jordan had explained to them all the symptoms of withdrawals and the concerning effects his body would have to face.
She said that opioid withdrawals didn't necessarily need professional supervision and were not deadly, still, she had subscribed him Vitamin C supplements, medication for increased anxiety and blood pressure, nausea, diarrhea, lacrimation, and muscle cramps.
She had also strictly noted that though the symptoms might not be fatal, they would be very harsh on his mental and physical health, so it was essential to have familial support and care.