I don't wanna be your friend

Chapter 8

They could hear the rustling of leaves on the trees surrounding them, the cicadas and the katydids as they sat in solemn silence in Cedric's car parked in Damien's driveway— Damien didn't get out, Cedric didn't kick him out. It was evident that Damien's words were still clinging onto Cedric, which made the air between them stiff with tension, unvoiced words and unasked questions. It was oddly comfortable and uncertain at the same time— both of them not knowing what to do next but wanting to prolong the moment they were immersed in.

Damien could here Cedric breathing and still trying to find his composure as his mind continued to be occupied with a thousand thoughts fighting each other, and Damien could almost hear the conflict Cedric was tangled in. Damien knew that Cedric needed help— he wanted to support Cedric by holding both of his shoulders and tell him to take deep breaths, to calm down and not overthink— but he also knew that Cedric would not accept his help, he would not accept anybody's help for that matter. According to anybody els's observations, Cedric was built on blocks of discipline, and Damien observed that that was one of the primary sources of Cedric's conflicts with himself.

"Come in", Damien said out of the blue—cracking the silence that settled between
them— in a requesting yet demanding tone which he never used with Cedric. Both of them knew that things would change between them if Cedric gave in and went in with Damien; that Damien would be honest and would expect the same from Cedric. Whatever bitterness had grown between them could end if they tried.

"No", Cedric declined in a taut voice staring straight ahead. He didn't look at Damien even when Damien looked at him with requesting gaze because words made Cedric anxious, but Cedric still didn't give in.

"You didn't eat or drink anything there. My mom must've put some food aside for me in the fridge. Come in." Damien tried to rationalise his request to Cedric because he was sure that Cedric would jump into his bed once he gets home and not bother to feed himself. He looked ready to close his eyes and pass out since the moment he left the party.

But Damien's words only seemed to make Cedric more anxious as he began tapping his foot on the car's floor. In all years that Damien had known him, he had observed that Cedric was allergic to the concern that was directed towards him— from his teachers, friends, teammates, coaches and especially Damien.

"I just want to go home," Damien knew it was a lie as Cedric said stubbornly yet hesitant. If it were what Cedric wanted, he'd have kicked Damien out of the car as soon as they had turned into his street; not sit in silence with him which did provide him with some sort of comfort.

Damien could feel solitude radiating out of Cedric— he didn't want to go back to his home which would be silent and empty— but Cedric would never voice it, he would not let himself seek help. Damien just sighed as he continued observing him. Nothing would come out of it by pressing the matter or pushing Cedric buttons so that he could open up. If Cedric didn't let anyone and anything approach him, nobody should force him to do so.

And as the minutes passed, it was becoming very clear that Cedric didn't trust Damien at all, and confiding his thoughts to Damien wasn't something he plans to do now or ever.

Of course, he wouldn't trust me, Damien thought to himself as he knew that he had never given Cedric any chance or reason to trust him. Though the reason seemed logical, Damien felt a little hurt at that. He knew that it was silly to feel so, of course, Cedric would not trust him, but he was the one who could see Cedric's emotions through his mask of indifference.