I don't wanna be your friend

Chapter 14

Sorry, I couldn't update earlier because of my exam, but here it is.

And this by far the longest chapter in this book. There was lot of information I had to cram into this chapter because it's Damien's pov, and I thought that it would spoil the flow if I divide it into 2 chapters. So read it with a little patience.

Hope you guys like it. 💜

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For whatever less you think you have, not everyone is as privileged as you are.
Not a guilt trip or delivery of gratitude your life may seek,
Apart from your benevolence to let it seek those gifted privileges, that is.

There were pages in his notepad filled with thoughts that struck him out of something mundane at odd times, of which Damien eventually made a song. And currently— as he was flipping through those pages— Damien found himself immersed into one particular page, and he kept reading those lines till he remembered what thoughts made him write those words.

He did remember, though: it was a story Damien's father had shared with him on dinner one night that he had heard from one of his clients. Being an advocate, Damien's father crossed paths with a lot of victims subjected to different crimes, and he always shared their experiences with his family when he left like it was appropriate to. That night, he had told about a woman who had lived in poverty and had been a victim of abuse almost all through her life— truly, Damien didn't understand her story, but there was one thing that woman had said that got Damien's attention:

It is easy to be happy if you only people let themselves be happy.

And that, Damien had understood enough to draw inspiration from it and write those words.
Now, he was stubbornly holding onto his will to complete this song, and he was trying to formulate what words must follow those lines, though he knew that he wasn't in a right frame of mind to do that.

Why shut your eyes now and later repent?
When you've lost it all and found your desire to turn back time.
Why not listen to the voice that wills you to be kind?
As someone else might be looking for the same glimmer of light you deserve.

Damien sighed in frustration and tiredly ran his hand through his hair— those words didn't seem right. He gave up once he took in the time displayed on the clock, indicating that it was 1:02 am. He shut his notepad and tucked it in his desk, noting to himself to try writing it some other time, and fell into his bed after turning the lights off.

But he couldn't fall asleep as his mind refused to turn itself off.

After an exhausting long Friday, Damien expected himself to be in deep slumber hours ago, but sometimes it went like this— when he felt overly productive, and his brain didn't feel satisfied enough to shut itself down until he wrote something he felt happy with, or until he came up with a very cool guitar riff, or until he sang out loud to his heart's contentment. It felt like something itching at the back of his mind, urging him to scratch it and soothe it, but he was honestly tired to be able to something at this moment.

Damien didn't pull out his earphones from under his pillow and listen to classical music that could lull him to sleep. Instead, he started mentally singing whichever song was on repeat in his head— which was 505 by Arctic Monkeys at this moment— and he started mindlessly strumming the songs strumming pattern in the air around his stomach. People generally counted numbers to fall asleep, whereas Damien usually sang until he fell asleep— which, according to Sophia, was a habit Damien had picked up when he was around 4.