Her Toxin

Anxieties

Her breath hits my neck, causing that familiar tensed up feeling to form in my stomach before her lips enclose around some of the skin there. Pressed kisses before she starts to use that bubble gum tongue of hers.

Syd's hands held me tight against her. My back to her front whilst she shakily exhaled as if she'd been apprehensive about doing this. I hear her unzip my trousers before settling her fingers down on the area just a lil bellow my panty line. By this point I'm essentially leaning all my weight upon her, feeling no need to be cautious.

'Mhmm.' When she starts to shift her fingers up and down the area, my heartbeat becomes faster than it was before. Her love flowing through her veins whilst she delicately watches the hand that's in my trousers. 'I like being able to see and feel what I'm doing to you.'

I see a million colours with every single touch she makes there. Creating this current of light which sends shockwaves through my entire body. Looking down makes it worse because I can see what she's doing to me and the way that I'm now clutching her other hand as tightly as possible.

'And being able to hold you like this.' She keeps going whilst the other, pulling my trousers down. 'This is all for me; right?'

'Syd...can we maybe not end up doing it...please?' it feels like such a drag to say? Part of me kind of wanted her to be a brat about it and continue with the motions her fingers were making anyway.

But she stopped. She stopped and threw her head back a little like some frustrated teenager. Cocking her head up at me when she flopped herself upon the bed.

'Can we cuddle before we go to sleep then?'

***

Down the line, I started to see that all I was accumulating was worries at a large mass. I discovered how heavy our duvet could feel against my skin and how really, I fear losing Shannon more then I ever did before.

I don't want Shannon to go. Losing her through this connection that's formed between me and Syd makes it even worse...because well...I want Shannon as a big part of my life again. How can I know that Shannon is alright if she goes and says "goodbye forever" in the end?

"Syd." I speak through my pillow. Trying to stop the vultures of my mind from circling my biggest fear. "Love? Syd?"

My heart sinks when she doesn't respond, and of course it feels impossible to turn around and face the direction she must be laying in.

"Sydney." For a few seconds, I considered calling for Shannon, but then received a muffled 'huh' afterwards before I could.

"bubs?" She mumbles. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"maybe it was the wine or something." I lie to her like it's nothing. Feeling her little body press into the back of mine before her hands land on my stomach. Her slumber makes me feel worse, as if I've ruined her sleep.

"Making love is pretty good for when you can't get to sleep." She whispers.

"You only think with your clit, I swear." I tease her, feeling her giggle against my neck.

"No, no no. Cari, that's a little unfair don't you think." I could imagen my girlfriend was probably smirking at this point. "it's a spiritual thing. Your energy affects me, sometimes it just...it"

She's struggling with her words, and it's taking me out of my thoughts for a little bit.

"maybe it's me thinking with my root chakra?" I like this because I can't see her right now, only feel her and the room is all dark and undisturbed by everything. "I like giving you my energy and well...you know that...it is the energy of creation."

"hmm?" I feel her lips graze my neck.

"It is! Come on, we've both got women pregnant!" she tickles me, and I fall on top of her in defeat. Laughing when we become eye level with each other. "Hey, come on. I know it sounds unromantic babe. But you get it right?"

I dig my elbows into the mattress either side of Syd's body to allow me to look at her a little better. Watching the little sparkle in her eyes and her grin expand.

"yeah. I think you get it." She concludes.

"You're probably feeling it right now." I tease, only causing her to cup my ass.

"I mean, yeah. I see it as being like colours almost. Like you're this sorta yellow light...it's super angelic. And when I'm making out with you or when we're doing anything along the lines of that...it sorta expands and it's like our energies combine."

There's silence for a little bit while her hands tighten there grip.

"You don't have to understand or completely get it." She giggles afterwards. "I don't see you as some object, I see you as my tender, lovely, talented Cari."

I kiss Syd and try to forget about my worries. Giving in to her touch, melting into it before telling her goodnight for the second time.