Her Toxin

- Regret's Haze -

VOTE.COMMENT.THEWORKS

When you've got undressed in the first place to get into that 'special haze' than you never get the chance to fully look People are beautiful, despite their flaws and insecurities. I like that I'm seeing all of Shannon, her post-orgasm glow shining brightly. It makes me like her even more that she's fine with the looks I'm giving her whilst I let my eyes graze her nude figure.

I like that she's more athletic than I am. She makes me feel like I've got curves and that I'm all 'womanly' and 'feminine' even if I don't feel that way all the time. Her wide, rigid shoulders and long arms helping to show that. It seems as if she has a little more muscle on her arms and stomach then other girls that I've seen in the dark, but I'm still unsure. Watching the rise and fall of her breathing, the shape of her abs making me wonder how on earth this girl asked me to be her partner. I'm sleeping with a model...I'm certain of that.

Blue eyes trace my fingertips whilst I run my thumb over her collarbone, daring to move closer to her breasts. I like that Shannon's watching me contently with a soft smile lingering on her lips. It makes me feel like the shaky voices we had paired with what happened earlier wasn't a product of lust. That it wasn't just because of Alayna's dare and her desperation for me to prove to myself that I'm over Rachel. What was happening in the now made me feel like I was reaching a new level of trust with Shannon; adoration and I think she'd reached that too.

Touching her caramel tanned skin made me wonder why I hadn't wanted to be this close to her before. Loving how moles seemed to make miraculous appearances here and their without her knowing. I wanted to kiss every single one of them for contributing to the beauty that is my girlfriend, thank them for being a part of her. I admired that despite her legs still being smooth, she didn't seem to mind that they were slightly stubbly and hadn't been shaved in a couple of days. She's comfortable in herself and that's one thing that I loved.

'I hope that I made you feel beautiful.' She tells. Softly intertwining our hands and pulling herself up so that she was resting upon her elbows. 'I wasn't expecting you to even turn up...so...the impromptu sex caught me off guard.'

Shannon's face is making a show of itself, her eyebrows raising and half-grin showing. I think we both know that, naturally, it would've happened eventually. I already know that she'd imagined that we'd have a conversation about it first before any clothes had been discarded, or names flew across the room. What happened felt so good that it was clear that we were going to eventually talk about it as it happened how we never intended it to.

'Maybe my innocence turned you on.' I just reply. Thinking back to when she was ringing the water out of my wet hair and helping me to get my coat off. Now if anyone was to kiss me, all they'd taste is Shannon's name.

'I like feeling as if I'm taking care of you...I don't think that's a bad thing.' Shannon kisses my shoulder before she gets up. Chucking a shirt over her torso. 'I always want to show you that I care about you the most Cari.'

***

Sometimes I wished that things could be different. Not drastically. Just different enough for me to notice. Changes that could inspire rather than make me feel bad or any other negative emotion. It wasn't necessarily about where I live or the situation I find myself in, but more so about where I could end up finding myself.

I wish we had danced with closed eyes. Arms that aren't Shannon's clumsily holding me whilst we flicker like candles from side to side. Rapid breathing dissipating around the crowded room as the song majestically morphed into the next.

The after-party consuming me. Alayna's long gone. It's late and I'm a little bit faded yet I'm feeling good. I was preparing to wave a subtle goodbye to the girl in front of me, but she's grabbed the fabric of my jacket. Just as I was about to turn away.

'This is the best night of my life, you're a true pop star. Fletcher.' The girl let's go of me. Silently causing me to look at the floor. Feeling something swell a little. I felt stupid. Stupid for telling Shannon that I'd just be going to the club and then be coming back to cuddle her. It was as if the girl was trying to deceive me. Clearly purposefully leaving a small amount of space between us. Making me feel worse.

'Honestly, thanks.' I look at her. The way that the white light now floods the room making her beauty more apparent. She was beautiful, but nowhere near as stunning as Shannon.

'Do you want to leave with me, or well, will I ever see you again?" She releases her grip so that she's attempting to hold onto my hand instead. None of this shit feels right. 'No other girl can make me feel the way you do simply just by acknowledging me.'

I wished I hadn't stayed. Stupid Alayna for leaving the club without me. Especially when she knows what happened with Shannon and why I felt the need to go out in the first place. I feel guilty for sleeping with her when I know that I might not love Shannon 100% right now, or that I might not be in love with her right now.

'Oh, wow. What a privilege. Um, my girl would have one hell of a problem with that. I'm pretty sure I just heard my phone ring, it's probably her.' It was an easy way to make the girl go away. A small look of frustration covering her face.

Damn. I've still got it. I can still make the girls go weak at the knees.