Her Toxin

- It feels so good -

It tickled, made me feel uncomfortable. Unfamiliarity lingering whilst I'd wondered if it was really that obvious that I was affected by it. Worst of all- it was something I don't hate that happened. Syd made my heart race just by being there. All the things she did served as a distraction to what I should be thinking about. All because there was something about her eyes and her hands and the way she held herself that made her so seductive.

Okay, I'll be honest. Syd had kissed me on the cheek before giving me a hug, smiling back at me right afterwards. I...I blushed because what else could I do? My heart was going crazy. Fuck European traditions. I didn't need that. I didn't need to know that her lips could cause me butterflies. I don't want to be as bad as Rachel was. I can't be. Espeacilly when my behaviour earlier has got Shannon suggesting we get a pregnancy test for me.

I get it. We've had a lot of sex recently, but it feels so scary to be thinking that I could be pregnant right now. Part of me hopes that I'm not. I don't want that along with the burden of telling family and then trying to navigate all the feelings the last couple of days have brought me.

I turn onto my side of the bed. Out of Shannon's arms so that I could wrap more of the duvet over me and so that I could look at her.

'Cari.' Her eyes open in front of me. 'You've been so fidgety tonight. What's happenin'' Her Texan tone comes through for a second.

'I don't know...it just feels weird, to think that we could be pregnant right now.' I can never be dishonest to Shannon. She looks at me and it's as if she can see right through me.

'Um...you're protected with me, you know that right? Well, obviously maybe not in that sense because well, I've came inside you a lot lately and you're no longer on the pill.' She slowly laughs at herself. Flopping back on the bed. 'I hate the way I phrased that ew, that sounds gross, but still...biology I guess. I've let you do the same to me, it feels good when you do...you know.'

I was looking at her and unsure if I wanted to turn a blind eye to what she said, or ignore it. Somehow she keeps going.

'It feels really good when I'm behind you and we're going really slow and then you're shaking underneath me. God, I love your ass.' Shannon's smirking to herself. Usually by now I would've jumped on her, espeacilly with the way that my baby is talking, but I feel more repulsed by the idea of getting on top of her right now. 'The things I wanna do to you are endless.'

'Hmm. I don't know where you're going with this Shanbee.' I roll over closer to her. Brushing her arm with my fingertips. Her mouth falls open.

'So, you're not inspired?'

'We both probably like sex too much.'

'I think it's natural. Espeacilly when you like someone so much.'

'Yeah, but I feel like it's all we do these days.'

'Sometimes I think you want it more than me though.

'What!' I ended up raising my voice. Suddenly feeling angry.

'And you're a little rougher than me.'

'When have I been rough?'

***

I dreamt about my future manager's head being between my thighs last night. I wonder if this new-found 'attraction' is based on more my brain trying to find new ways to reach the stars. Not that Shannon doesn't take me there (Um...she's VERY good with her hands) but there was something about imagining someone else fucking me that was extremely hot.

Maybe it was a physicality type thing, or something to do with maturity or experience or...just something. I don't know. Maybe it was more just because of her smirk and eyes. Maybe it's because I just haven't had that type of sex in a while with Shan. I go down on her and most the time, she moans my name out loud, I make love to her and then she gets so tired out that she ends up falling asleep.

'Why do I feel like there's still something you're not telling me?' Before I leave, Shannon's right beside me. I'm shaking and I don't like it.

'It's fine Shan.' Delicately I kiss her cheek. Pretending that Syd never kissed me on the cheek like that the other day. 'I'm incredibly nervous, but it'll be okay. You've got the shopping list, right?'

'Yeah. I'm nervous too about all of it.' She lingers in front of the door. Her tall figure in front of me makes me feel small and her arms were too easy to fall into. We end up in each other's embrace. 'Espeacilly getting the pregnancy test. Anyway, Syd seems perfect for you. She really could carry you to stardom. Fletch, be great.'

I love Shannon, she really does so much for me. I can't wait to find out if we're pregnant later today.

'I love you.' She says before I could. Her blue eyes making my heart melt.

'I love you too, baby or no baby. I love you so much.'

We kiss and I believe her and us. We're going to stay together, we'll become parents, she'll become my wife.

I arrived at Colors HQ early, fully prepped. Shaking hands with the staff in the reception area and making small talk with people who were also in the waiting room. I liked how enthusiasm was infectious here and how there wasn't that nervousness lingering like how it has in other studio's I've been to.

At the same time, despite how people's demeanours shone through, it was noticeably clear that the company was her pride and joy. Everything about what I'd seen so far looked polished and nice. There was a whole wall lined with refreshments and coffee/soda machines, then the biggest water dispenser I think I've ever seen to the right of it. She even had a vintage jukebox in the room which seemed very nice.

I wondered what made Syd choose to lay out the reception like this. Maybe she's a people-pleaser, or purely rich? Maybe she did it because she wanted people to praise her?

'Um. Fletcher.' When she approached me, I wondered if I was thinking too deeply into everything and letting myself spiral into an anxious wreck. Syd looked nervous, like me, and it made me feel unsure of her motives.

'Syd.' I respond. Meeting her eyes for a second before looking away right after because I didn't like how I immediately got a hot flush.

'I can make you a drink if you haven't already had one, but I'll let you in on a secret... I have got a bottle of wine in my office.'

A.N- Do we like Syd? If not, why?