Her Toxin

- Secrets -

VOTE.COMMENT.THEWORKS

All the love- would it be worth it? Her eyes reflect that it would be, but it's hard when you realise that your making the same mistakes again. Maybe this is moving to fast. Maybe Shannon doesn't quite want us to be a family as much. Were so young and none of it is helped by the delays. Especially when it means that money is on the line.

Rolling of her bare chest, I wondered if she was going to suggest that we actually go places today. Off on a walk, holding hands and seeing the beauty in the place that we were visiting. I liked this. Seeing Shannon somewhere other then around the apartment and out and about. I liked seeing her looking at me under these sheets that aren't ours and in a room we've rented for the weekend.

'Cari. No stressing yeah?' Shannon picks up my chin with her index and middle finger, then presses a kiss to my lips. 'If money is an issue, I'll support you.'

Everything got weird when I found out Rose was having a baby. I found out the EP was being pushed back and suddenly the project didn't belong to my team any longer. Apparently just me and Alayna isn't enough anymore, we need more people, so that means a new team. I've been beyond sad about it and that's the reason for the impromptu break.

'I- I don't know what's going to happen when we had a whole marketing strategy ready and everything.' It hurts because Rose did become a good friend of mine and part of me sort of wanted me to get pregnant and be the on delaying it.

'The label will sort it okay, you're incredible Cari, there not going to let all your work go to waste.' I wanted to believe the little smirk on her adorable face. 'If not then I guess I'll just have to...I don't know, do something to help you.'

'Thanks baby.' I felt my tone lighten completely after telling her that. My hair all annoying and in my face as I started to get up. Picking things up out of our suitcase. 'Um, you know it means a lot- right?'

'Yes.'

Shannon's POV

Anxiety- it's in her nature and makes things harder for us. Sometimes I feel like I have to play the role of a 'care-taker' a little bit more then a lover, but for Cari, I'm willing to do that. I like asking her how she's feeling and seeing her plump lips raise into a steady pout and I like massaging her scalp, playing with her hair until her eyes closed.

I wanna be the one who makes life comfortable for her when everything seems to be insane.

Of course, everything has spiralled more for her. Being in love was always going to be a fight for us. Talking about the future is hard when we both know how abundant love can be at times and the way we were both treated by our past loves wasn't the best. Trusting Cari comes naturally, but sometimes I wonder if she'd look at me the same if I told her that I think she's the only one I could love.

It feels wrong to be thinking about being Fletcher's wife, but at the same time I can't seem to put a stop to the thoughts. There's so much love and mutual respect between us that I think it could work, that we'd be able to do it. I think we could lead that 'traditional' life and have children and a nice house somewhere, 9-5 jobs. At the same time though- I feel like that says nothing about me and Cari.

We could make a great team, seriously, but I don't know how I'm supposed to tell her the things I need to tell her. It's weird because I know how perfect we could be, how well we could compliment each other and how happy I'd be to work alongside her, but I just don't know how to tell her. Cari Fucking Fletcher, the singer-songwriter who is in love with Shannon Fucking Beveridge who is sort of, kind of, maybe a cinematographer and director.

I didn't lie when I told her that I'm a writer, I do write articles and things like that. At the same time though, I make small films and write about pop culture. I guess it just never came up in conversation which is kind of stupid when it's coming up to 7 months of us being together.

'Shannon,' I feel her grip on my hand increase as I'm brought back to my senses. Seeing the New Forest shrubland come back into focus as we continue walking, our coats all bunched up over our arms. 'Shit. Shannon. Look at all those deer's.'

When I looked at Cari, I was pretty sure that I fell in love for the hundereth time with her. Seeing her lips curl up into a smile in the most beautiful, angelic way as she pressed her index finger against them. Telling me to be quite as she pointed with the other hand to the deer's in the distance. Hundreds of them about 20 miles or so where we are, all but a couple of them grazing on the grass. Beady eyes looking at us before they went back to there business.

This I found weird. I'd always known that the New Forest was famous for it's deers, but this seemed weird to me and the fact that they weren't running sort of worried me.

'It's so beautiful.' I told my girlfriend, a wild grin on my face whilst I had to try and stop myself from looking at her so I could look at all of the deer's. This task was harder than I had ever anticipated, espeacilly when seeing Cari as happy as she was right then was making me want to tell her everything- even the part about wanting her as my wife.

'I'm so happy.' No one would've been able to tell that this women was on the verge of tears this morning. And I loved the contrast that had happened, the way that suddenly everything seemed a little brighter in her head. Cari's eyes glowing slightly as she looked at me. 'I'm really happy.'

At this point I couldn't even help myself, letting a tear fall down.

'You're so angelic.' I can no longer trust myself with my words. 'Even in this British weather.'

And I move so that one of my hands end up on the small of her back, the other gently on her hip. I press one singular kiss to the top of her forehead, then another on the tip of her nose. I watch her scrunch it up and then laugh at me. Our foreheads pressed together as her smaller hands pull me in, clasping round the back of my neck.

'Baby.' Cari's voice comes out a lil shakier than usual. 'I've got to tell you something.'