Her Toxin

- I love a girl -

'Cari.' Her voice jolts me out of my dream. 'I- I can't really sleep and I have a bit of a dilemma.'

The room is still pretty dark, well...with the small exception of my digital clock on my bedroom side table. It's dark, but I can just about see the outline of Shannon's face and the glimmer in her eyes.

This sort of thing I find hard about intimacy. It's late, I probably have places to be tomorrow. Hearing her voice doesn't help anything because I'm reminded. I'm reminded how love isn't always permanent and that the late night chats or late nights spent making love are what usually you miss the most when a relationship ends.

I don't want things to end with Shannon. I want unconditional love.

'Mhmm.' I mumble. Reaching to grip the bottom of her pj shirt so that I could pull the brunette closer to me. 'Cuddle me please.'

I felt her comply to my command the second I feel her get up and place herself behind me,

'I wanna spoon you, I feel safer that way.' her shaky, warm breath tickling the back of my neck. Her golden arms enveloping me whilst I felt her boobs against my back.

Tension. This time it's unspoken. I think we're both aware of it, but I'm unsure if it's sexaul or more to do with us both needing to communicate with each other.

'We...well, we basically almost and I mean almost confessed something earlier and just...why don't we?' She lets out a shaky exhale. Stroking my arm with her thumb. 'I'm just as scared as you.'

Her lips ghost the nape of my neck. Sweet breath tickling the small hairs at the back of it whilst my eyes grow wide. This is getting harder in every sense and she's not helping me with the way she's letting her lips tread up my neck. She makes small little licks with her tongue whilst the kisses get more intense.

Fuck. And there...just like that my breath suddenly got heavy.

'Baby, you have no idea just how intense the things are that you make me feel.' Somehow I manage to speak. Her hands are holding more tightly onto me now. Gripping onto my lower waist.

I had to turn around to look her in the eyes. See her intentions as well as be able to feel them. Treat this as if it could be a moment worth remembering instead of something that immediately turned into feeling my girlfriend bring me to the highest pleasure.

Shannon looks like she's lost. Her lip quivering in a way I've never seen before as her eyes seem to almost glaze over with tears. I don't know if she's about to cry or if she's about to lash out at me because maybe I've said the wrong things. Of course, I don't know. I've never experienced anything like this...especially in the dead of the night so I felt like all I really could do was gently cup her delicate face and give her time to speak.

'Cari, I know that I keep saying about going back to America and about other...negative things, but know that I can't. I'd be heartbroken.' Her eyes are no longer happy, but instead sparkly with tears instead. 'I'm not going to go without you. And Cari, I- I'm in love with you. It is so bittersweet, but I love you.'

She's shaking. Oh god, I didn't think it would be so hard for her.

'You've got my heart.' She continues, melting into my hand before pressing a kiss to it.

My heart is beating crazy fast. My mouth is agape. The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy whilst I try to process it all and say it back. The first 'I love you's' I've had have never been like this.

'I wanna stay with you, always.' Shannon gets closer to me and kisses my cheek and then my nose. Watching my smile grow into a ridiculously wide one as I finally cup her face in my hands and let our lips touch.

'I love you too. Everything about you.' It's remarkable that we even allowed ourselves to get to this point.

A.n- I want to finish this story and give it the ending that it deserves. I think the reason I stopped writing it was through the lack of experience of relationships I had when I began writing it. That's changed now. I had my first love and it was a wonderful experience, but at the same time it meant that I had my first heart break. A lot of the lessons that I learnt, I think I want to include into the book as I feel like that's a healthier way to process all the good and bad moments I had with my ex then trying to message her every time that I realise or remember something.

So that being said, I hope you're all ready to stay here with me on the journey of 'Her Toxin.' I'm hoping that I'll be able to update it around once a week, but then again I can't really make any promises 😊