Her Toxin

- Loner + A.N -

My hand is on the nape of her neck, the other is playing with the smooth hairs on her undercut. Syd's touch is loose on my hips, her forehead against mine, her breathing slow whilst we sway together in her living room. With my eyes closed and the music playing- this feels perfect.

It feels like a lucid dream where I've been able to pick my dream girl without having to find her. This unspoken tension between us as Syd's footwork takes the lead gives me this intense feeling whilst her hands slide down to palm my ass.

When her voice grazes my ear, in a low hum, I get goose bumps all over me. 'I adore you. Please, don't ever leave me.'

I pull back just to get pushed back in by her hands.

'Let me have this moment.' Her lips settle on my forehead for a second before she starts looking down at me again.

'Cari, it's been so nice getting to be yours and I- I know you've put things on the line for me and that I don't do enough for you. Maybe you want to go or for things to change.'

This new downess-feeling centres me for a second. I don't know if I want to kiss her till air becomes an issue or if I want to sit on the sofa with her, wipe the tears that I'm sure will fall and then watch her fall asleep on top of me.

'I- I'm...I get scared to kiss you some days. Sometimes it feels like you don't kiss me kiss me like unless were about to have sex.' Syd looks away from me. 'I know it's stupid. Maybe you only like making out in those contexts.'

There's silence for a few moments.

'I don't want you to leave me.'

'Syd- what have you done...you've never been like this before.'

*Play song now*

'I think I'm falling in love with you.' As she speaks, my hand moves to rest just above her collar bone. The shirt material feeling thin and smooth whilst I feel her heartbeat almost pulse through it. Whatever speed it's going at- it's unhealthy and making my breathing speed up.

'You do?' I feel too lightheaded to be able to rationally respond to her.

'I think I want forever with you. Your kind, you know how to calm me down, your hair is always perfect and always smells perfect. I want to fully be yours. Well...not just yet cause that'd be too sudden...but I want to promise you things.' Her eyes are sparkling as she moves back a little bit.

'You're someone I can't stay away from.' And now she's crying whilst I take both of her hands. Kissing each of them in turn whilst my heart drops. These kisses were soft, innocent, and purely for her. They even graced her eye lids after she, once again, dropped her forehead against mine.

Whatever im feeling for her right now, it feels hopeless in it's tone.

'Syd,' Sometimes it feels like we were better off before when we weren't two people who are physically and emotionally attracted to each other. I'm in the same state as her, trying to keep it together. 'if I leave- I'm just going to do it. I'm not gonna give you a choice ab it.'

'But- are you wanting to leave? Be honest.' She tells.

AN- As I'm sure many of you are aware, Fletcher's S(ex) tapes album is coming which I am very (ex)cited for...but I just wanna address something quickly.

It doesn't feel right to try and continue this story now knowing that Shannon and Cari aren't together anymore. Maybe I'll pick it back up on the future, but for now, this feels wrong.

they spilled the tea, we gotta respect the tea. 

Anyways, maybe i'll continue it soon if it feels right. But good bye for now and I'm working on an origional story