Her Toxin

invite shannon

Syd's pov

I know that once upon a time, being with Cari felt like heaven. Now sometimes I feel like I don't know as much. Fine lines have been drawn between fantasy and what's really going on, making me wonder how much of this love is valid.

And I know that sounds stupid. Especially from what I'm sure you've heard from Cari and by the way she probably talks about me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like a side-character to her. Like I'm just there for plot-development and as a vessel for Cari to figure out her own shit with Shannon.

I don't like that. How it's painfully obvious how much Cari's made a 'false persona' for me so she doesn't feel as tempted to go back to her true love. Maybe it's a coping mechanism and I wouldn't blame her if it was...cause I understand it. It feels like I am giving more into our relationship, just waiting for things to fall down the hatch and for her to go right back to the one who rightfully deserves forever with.

'Remember the day we met?' I asked my girlfriend who was perched on the edge of one of the deck chairs in my garden. A bottle of wine in her hands.

Sometimes I ask her little things/details about or relationship just so I can feel a little less like a 'bad guy.' I'm watching Cari's body language closely. Seeing her briefly close her eyes before letting go of a deep breath she had been holding in. Her shoulders coming forward as she opened her eyes again, connecting them to mine.

'Well,' the stress in her voice was telling, as I'm sure the way I raised my eyebrows slightly as a signal almost. 'I had the sweetest morning with Shannon...we were so excited because at the time we thought I could be pregnant. I met you and felt this thing...and it sucked. Um.'

She looks at me softly and I force a smile as reassurance.

'I don't know. It was like a fixation almost Syd...which turned into lust and of course you know the rest.' She takes a big swig from the bottle. 'I mean...I wish things could've been different and that we could've met at some party or some bar in town or something so it wouldn't have been such a dang problem.'

'What about the day I asked you to be my girlfriend?' it came out too quickly. Desperately almost.

'it gave me butterflies and made me feel a little less crap about myself. You are a special girl to me Syd. Maybe I don't say that enough.' She looks down at the floor and smirks. 'I mean...I can't lie, you make me feel like I can get through all of this.'

'I do?' I can't help myself and end up getting closer to her.

'Yeah? I mean, I don't know how I'd do this alone. I don't know how Shannon's getting through it all on her own.' I wrap my arms around Cari as she finishes speaking. Gently rubbing her back and letting her know that it's alright.

What makes things worse is knowing that I could never fault the love that Cari so evidently still has for Shannon Beveridge or whatever she said her surname is. I could also never fault the severity of just what exactly I have done to inflict that pain onto the girl or the imperession that Shannon has got on me.

I kiss her a couple times on the neck. A few little kisses, not really trying to try anything but because I don't wanna forget how her skin feels against my soft lips.

'I mean, probably means she has a lot of strength.' I tell. Playing with her soft blonde locks. 'And you have a lot of strength too baby, so much strength.'

But all Cari does is look at the floor and all I do is feel my lips tremble as I wait for her to confess to what she really wants.

'Should've been partnered strength though.' She holds onto me a little tighter. 'I wish I...I wish we...why couldn't we... I don't know...invite Shannon here too Syd.'

I'd do anything to see Cari happy, even if it means she ends up leaving under Shannon's arm instead of mine. Or if it means that we just have to have her other girl around.

'She has no one else bubs.' Her eye contact is strong. Persuasive. She knows it's my weakness.

'I was going to say yes. You can ask her, love.' The softness is back again and I can feel it in my stomach. Her arms circle around my neck.

'You are so getting fucked tonight.'

FUCK yes.

***

She decided when it was time. I tried to make a big thing of it. Dressing up a little fancy for dinner and cooking something well nice for us whilst she made arrangements or whatever with her ex girl.

We had a nice evening. Good food. Good company. Good conversation. And Cari was happy, so happy as Shannon had agreed to stay in one of my extra rooms. Since there were plenty enough here anyway.

Her hand in mine tightened it's grip as she quickly pulled me through to our bedroom with her. This coy look littered all over her face whilst I tried to keep up with whatever she was thinking. Trying to act as if I wasn't loosing my mind knowing that this might possibly be the last time she lets me get this close to her.