Her Toxin

- Just 2 hours -

We had a good weekend.

It made sense to make love with her, to make promises and to have that time to be 'Shannon and Cari.' Things got heavy and overwhelming on the Saturday when we ended up in between the sheets right into the start of Sunday morning. I don't think I'll ever forget it. The way that she let me do the thing that we'd talked about quite a few times before making it more rememberable. We'd never had sex the way we did then, well...in a way we had, but what I mean is that I'd never done that to Shannon before.
Sex, promises, laughter- none of those promoted my situation into a better one though. It was something I had to be aware of. All they provided was a small platform that I now perch on with Shannon, trying to build trust in the process. Everything will be okay right? We're trying and working on finding a solution. Shannon's even been writing professional emails and things like that for me so I can send them off to various labels. She's doing all that she can and I love that.
We've been talking to this one guy, Syd, who runs a label called 'Simple records' and he seems as if he knows a lot. Shannon has a feeling that he's the one I should go release the EP with, he's promised a tour and much more if we choose to go with him. Apart from that, there's a 'big' label we've been in conversation with, but I don't think it's quite going to happen just yet. They want to see that I can be successful first, before they sign me.
'He said he was/still is a PR, so that would be helpful right?' Shannon's leaning over my shoulder. Glaring at my laptop and at his words. 'And he's managed One Direction for a little bit, so surely that means that he knows what to do if you did blow up.'
I feel lips being pressed onto my forehead.
'It could be good, I don't know. I'm sceptical. He seems too good to be true.' I take a sip of my drink. Not really knowing anymore. It was always going to be a gamble, now I'm stuck.
'Maybe test him? Like, go out for coffee or something and just talk music. Maybe it doesn't have to be so deep. You like people who are enthusiastic Cari, it's not like you'll accept his offer if he doesn't click with you.' Her hand lands on my thigh and I see that Shannon's right. It's not like I'm going to choose to go with someone who doesn't have a similar energy to me as I need that enthusiasm, espeacilly from a manager. I'd need someone who's going to be able to hype me up.
'Yeah. That way at least the conversation can be continued, and I won't have to keep pulling you out of work to help me out with this.' We both chuckle and she squeezed my thigh a little bit. Smirking at me.
'I kind of like it. It makes me feel good.' I watch Shannon as she takes a deep breath. 'When I was in the US, I worked at home all the time. It was a lot, but who I was with at the time had the same job as me. We worked together every day.'
Me and Syd met the next day. I wish I could've taken the embarrassment I felt, tossed it aside and then burnt it. This made me beyond nervous, espeacilly when it turned out that Syd was exactly the type of women who I'd feel intimidated in front of. She was my type of women and that made it worse. She was that perfect mix of masculine and feminine. She was dangerously attractive which made it worse as I was struggling to know what to do to myself.
'I'm glad we finally got to meet.' Syd beams. Enthusiastic in front of me like a teacher's pet. Her brown eyes seemed too seductive for my liking and I didn't like it. I had to look away from her as I didn't approve of the feeling those eyes gave me. My lower zone heating up slightly.
It's just a chemical reaction Cari, you love Shannon and want to make love to only Shannon.
I'm hers. She's mine. It has to stay that way.
'Oh, me too Syd.' I feel myself biting on my lower lip before I can stop myself from taking the younger women in front of me in. She raises her thick eyebrows and smirks in response.
'You hungry? You look like you want to eat me Cari. I'll pay, it's on me.' This girl- Jesus.
And I'm having to play it off, because I can't be doing this.
'That's so kind of you. I think we're going to get along really well.'
***
'Cari.'

She was on me as soon as I got through the door.

'Cari.' Her scent hits me and I wonder if she'd be able to smell the other girl's cologne when she placed her head in the crook of my neck. 'I missed you.'

A few kisses get pressed to the nape of my neck, causing my heart to race.

'I've been thinking about you all day. Even more when you left.'

'Baby...it was just 2 hours.' I laugh at my hopeless girl. 'I love you.'

'I love you too, but sofa please. I wanna cuddle.' She was acting so different and sweet that it would've been stupid of me to even reject her in that moment. It was like something so important had become concrete in her mind. As if all the love had suddenly reached her in sweeter ways then ever imaginable. Everything about Shannon right now screamed safety and had the same warmth of a family home.

'Sex?' And even that was unlike me. To fully ask and fully state it like that, my hands already in my lover's hair. My heart was racing because I felt like I so desperately needed it- just to prove to myself that I do want Shannon and only Shannon. I needed to do just something to get Syd off my mind.

'Cari.' She presses a kiss to my forehead, and I get it. 'I don't know where this is coming from, you've never- what was that about? Your eyes look all panicky.'

The truth is that I'd opened a new chamber of doubt and confusion. A dimly lit chamber that now hails both me and Shannon as we sit down on the sofa. Everything about her is telling me that it's okay to be honest. She's got me secure and wrapped up. Yes, she declined having sex, but she was taking care of me and I appreciated that.

'Was I being closed-minded?' She asks, almost out of no where whilst I run my fingers through her hair.

'What- no.' I tell her. Pulling her a little closer. 'I mean...I get it, we probably did it too much at the weekend.'

'I'm tired, been working on other projects and I- I feel like it's not working.' I feel her sigh into my chest. 'I can't seem to get you pregnant.'

'Maybe that's more on me?' I take a deep breath. Placing one of my hands in between her thighs, making small circular movements with my thumb. 'Or maybe we've got to wait a bit longer, then again- I haven't had my period this month yet.'

'Okay. So, meeting Syd? How was it?'

'Turns out it was actually a woman.'

'Don't feel down about that, it's a good thing. We need more women in the music industry, right?' Of course, Shannon would say that. The smirk on her face says everything. She was happy about it. Maybe it made her feel righteous.

'Well...yeah.' I watch Shannon as she bites her lip.

'Is she cute?' Her tone tells me I'm safe to be honest with her.

'I- Um... yeah. Very.' I hated how much my heart was racing just through saying that. 'She was so...so I said I'll think about the offer and get back to her tomorrow.'

'No.'

'No?' And now I'm panicking because this makes no sense to me.

'Did you click?' Shannon asks.

'A lot.'

'That's what matters. I... it doesn't matter that she's cute and a woman.'

'Shannon, I... I'll. I'm gonna go get some maccies, what do you want.'

An. Ummm... Just HAD to add my fav tiktoker into the plot somehow. Please let me know what you think of this update. Do you think this would effect things between shannon and cari?