Temptation 2: Forgiving You ✔️

26: Love hurts

NATHANIEL'S POV

A lot of people tend to see me as an asshole. I guy without a care in the world about society and how anyone might feel emotionally. They're not wrong, but they're not right either. I'm not the way that I am because I like being stereotyped as some bad boy. It's how I deal with my problems and it's how I push the ones away. I didn't have some cheesy fucking childhood with caring parents who would read me bedtime stories and spend their fair share of quality time with me.

My fathers a complete fucking mess, and my mothers just the bystander thinking daddy knows best. As I got older I adapted my fathers' traits and fell into the wrong crowd. I did a few fucked up things on the way and people have judged me off of them but I never cared. Fuck their impressions of me. I never gave the tiniest shit about anyone's opinion or how I'm supposed to be as a guy.

But things changed in my life when I met Leah. She made me want to be better for her, for myself. I never knew how much loving a person could change you, but as much as I've tried since I've met her, I only brought complications to her life. With her back and trying to get her life together again, I can't be the thing that holds her back. The last thing I want is for my world to complicate her a lot more than I've already had.

I watched her walk back to the car, peeping Damon in the window as he practically watched me like a hawk. I could see the disappointment all on his face. I could care less about what Damon thinks. But, I knew he was a lot more sensible than the rest of the Brady bunch in that group of theirs. I could vomit just by thinking about how I used to be apart of their little cult or whatever you want to call it. An off-brand group of wannabe one direction boys.

Walking back inside, Madison stood by the staircase. Dammit, I forgot she was even here. "You didn't have to hurt her so badly." She told me as I made my way past her to the kitchen. "It's none of your business," I tell her as I grab the bottle of alcohol from the fridge.

"Still, she just got out of a fucking coma Nate, she literally stood there and poured her heart out to you and you decided to sit there and be a complete douchebag to her." Madison continues to ramble. I squint my eyes at her before sitting the full bottle on the counter. I don't see why this is any of her concerns. She doesn't even like Leah, or that's what I knew three years ago, but still, she should stay in her place which is as my typical every other day hook up, not forcing herself into my business.

"Why do you even care? I recall you two not having the best relationship either, considering you slept with her boyfriend and practically outed all of us due to your jealousy of her." I remind her. Madison rolls her eyes before taking the alcohol from me, taking a sip as she jumped on top of it, my shirt rising up a little from her thighs.

"It's been three years. I left that in the past. She on the other hand hasn't had that opportunity yet, and for your information, I care because as I speak for all of the ladies, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that, especially given how much she gave up for you. Have a little bit of decency for her, we all know you still love her."

"I don't." I quickly in a low voice. I do though. But I'm bad for her. So I had to do what I do best, push her away.

"You're lying to yourself. I heard everything you said out there, these walls are a lot thinner than you might think. You don't want to admit it because, despite your ego, you care about her too much for her to be apart of your collateral damage."

"Just, stop talking. I warn her. "For fuck sakes just stop. Okay, I don't need you or anyone else to tell me about how I feel!" I shout at her. I don't have her around to sit here and lecture me on whatever my relationship is with Leah.

"That's where you're wrong. You're not a bad guy Nathaniel, and out of the few people in this world, I think that you can change. Leah sees that in you too, so why can't you see it in yourself?" She asks me.

"Because!" I say as I slam my hands against the counter, Madison slightly jumping. "I don't how to! I've been nothing but a failure, a disappointment towards almost everyone in my entire life, and when I do the smallest bit of good, that's what people expect from me. I can't be the guy that everyone thinks has any bit of redemption in him. So I do what people expect me to do. I'm not a good person, and if that keeps people away from me then that's perfectly fine! I refuse to allow myself to be something they can try to repair." I explain to her as I'm basically in her face.

She shakes her head at me, before pushing me away and jumping down from the counter. "You're fucked up, and if you keep going down the path you're on, the drugs, the drinking, this behavior--you're gonna end up somewhere you don't want to be."

I stay quiet, only anger on my face as I look at her.

"Just because we casually mess around doesn't mean I don't care about you. And as one of the decent people on this earth, I'm gonna end this here, don't stop fighting for her, and for yourself. She loves you, and that scares you. Someone actually giving a shit. I can't control what you do but I sincerely hope you wake up and stop living your life in fear, goodbye Nate."

As she walks away I immediately turn to the bottle, staring at it before downing my head, resting my hands onto the countertop. I want to turn away from her advice, but she's right. I just don't know where to go from here. I literally ripped out Leah's heart and crushed it with my hands, forgiving me. I doubt she'll want to see my face after what I said to her.

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