frost | e. pevensie

2.06 | everything has changed

"We don't even ask for happiness, just a little less pain."
- Charles Bukowsli, Letter to William Packard

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"They're so still."

Edmund, his siblings, and Trumpkin sat together in the boat, watching the Narnian landscape roll by. The trees that his sister was referring to were still, showing no signs of life. They made no noise and the tree Nymphs were nowhere to be seen.

As Edmund took in the sights, he couldn't help but think about how everything had changed. Everything seemed so familiar, yet so foreign. He knew this was the place he'd once lived. He knew he'd once spent countless hours in this forest. He knew that these trees held countless memories of his.

But they weren't the same. 

Nothing about Narnia seemed the same to him anymore. It wasn't the same country he had once ruled over with his siblings. His home had been destroyed, their trunks being the only evidence that they had ever lived there.

That had been a lifetime ago.

"They're trees. What do you expect?" For the past hour, Trumpkin had been proving to be less than suitable company. He was quite grumpy and cynical, really only speaking to offer negative comments.

"They used to dance," Lucy replied, her voice growing a bit defensive. She was becoming quite opinionated as she grew older. Edmund almost recognized the queen she had once been, all those years ago.

The Dwarf sighed, glancing up at the trees. "It wasn't long after you left that the Telmarines invaded. Those that survived retreated to the woods. And the trees have retreated so deeply inside themselves that no one has heard from them since."

Edmund wondered just how many had survived the invasion. Trumpkin told them that there were more Narnians in hiding, but he didn't mention how many. He also made no mention of the Frost siblings, which Edmund wasn't willing to ask about. The last thing he wanted was to end up on the Dwarf's bad side.

But even more worrying was the possibility that he would receive an answer he didn't want to hear. He couldn't possibly bear to hear that news in front of his siblings, when he wouldn't have the privacy to cope in his own way. Perhaps it was better to remain ignorant for the time being. It was more important that they found out exactly what they had been called to do.

He tried in vain to push his thoughts away, only resulting in the pain he was feeling rising to the surface once again.

His home had been destroyed. His home had been destroyed a second time. If the bombings and their evacuation hadn't been enough, he was now returning to the one place he thought would always be there, only to find that everything had changed there as well.

He found himself missing the consistency that he'd once loathed. He would give anything to be back at home, his mother cooking a dinner that he wasn't particularly fond of, his siblings inviting him to play games he didn't want any part of. He would give anything for things to go back to the way they were before the war, before everything fell apart.

He found himself missing the old Narnia. The way he and his siblings would find something new to explore every day. Their competitive games of hide and seek, the races they would have that would inevitably end up with someone sustaining an injury. The way that he and Andie would spend countless hours in the kitchen, baking cookies, and cakes, and anything else they could possibly dream of.

But most of all, he found himself missing Andie. She was the first friend he'd had in a long time. When he was younger, he didn't have many friends at school. Even now, he only had a handful of friends that he didn't even particularly like very much.

Andie.

His thoughts always trailed back to Andie. He prayed to Aslan every night to give him peace. To let him go a night without thinking about her. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes he could convince himself that she wasn't real, that she had never been real.

But ultimately, he would find himself in the same position he was currently in.

He wondered where she was, if she was alive. He wondered if she missed him as much as he missed her.

"I don't understand. How could Aslan have let this happen?" Lucy's voice pulled Edmund away from his thoughts and back to the present.

"Aslan? I thought he abandoned us after you lot did."

"We didn't mean to leave, you know." Peter spoke up for the first time since they started their journey in the boat, save for when they first got in and he insisted that he could row the boat by himself. He was becoming more and more touchy as he grew older. Edmund couldn't see the king he had once been, all those years ago.

"Doesn't make much difference now, does it?"

"Get us to the Narnians and it will."

***

After what felt like hours, they reached the shoreline of the river, stepping out to pull the boat into the sand. Edmund had busied himself with retrieving his sword, when he heard Lucy's voice from across the beach.

"Hello there!" Edmund turned to see where his sister had gone off to. He felt his heart drop as he took in the sight before him: Lucy - sweet, naive Lucy - approaching a bear that seemed to be sniffing around for something to eat further down the beach. "It's alright, we're friends."

Edmund unsheathed his sword as Trumpkin spoke up from where he was securing the boat. "Don't move, your majesty!"

As soon as Trumpkin said this, the bear stood on its hind legs, as if just noticing their small group for the first time. Lucy took off running as the bear chased after her.

"Stay away from her!" Susan raised her bow and strung an arrow, but made no motion to release it.

Edmund understood her hesitation. He understood that the animals of Narnia had once been talking beasts. No one would ever have dared to kill a talking beast.

But it was clear that this Narnia was no longer the one they knew.

"Susan, shoot!" Edmund yelled, more concerned for the safety of his sister than whether or not the bear was a talking beast or not. He knew Aslan would forgive them, if it was done purely to protect themselves.

Before Susan could release her arrow, another one zipped past Edmund's head, bringing the bear down. He turned to see that Trumpkin had been the one to shoot. Something flashed across the Dwarf's face but quickly disappeared as he made his way over to the downed mammal.

"Why wouldn't he stop?" Susan asked, lowering her bow.

"I suspect he was hungry." Trumpkin pulled the arrow out as Lucy turned away. He circled the beast once, making sure that it was really dead.

"He was wild." Edmund observed, knowing now that there was no way this bear could have been like the ones they once knew.

"I don't think he could talk at all."

"Get treated like a dumb animal long enough and that's what you become," Trumpkin said, his tone resentful as he came to the front of the animal once more. Though he had hunted plenty of times before, Edmund turned his head as Trumpkin started to prepare the animal to eat. "You may find Narnia a more savage place than you remember."

***

so it's been a while, i know

things have been really crazy lately. i got a job a few months ago and i'm in the process of getting a second one, so i've been pretty busy

i also haven't really had any inspiration to write. i feel like i'm just copying the movie script and it's been hard for me to find ways to deviate from that without adding a bunch of unnecessary content

but anyway, i'll try to update again as soon as possible :)