Clouded Crossroads

18: Life Without You

Vihaan

There are times where you feel as if you're not consciously living. Like you're just floating through days and places, mind empty, no motivations. It was like that today on the football field, in the middle of the warmup session. Actually, not only today, but the past 8 months. This same feeling that's been clawing at me each and every day. Just emptiness.

I heard a whistle accompany Varun's shouts. "Alright team! 2 minute plank, 20 pushups, and 30 curl ups -- I'm going easy. Let's go, let's go!"

Right when I was about to drop down to position, was when he stopped me. "Not you, Vihaan. Can we talk instead?"

A false smile made its way onto my face. Ever since he was selected to be permanent captain for the rest of senior year, his idea of talk has been to convince me to be a "co-captain". His efforts almost seemed humorous to me, but I denied each time -- I didn't need someone's sympathy or guilt. It was enough that everyone was already talking about it; I didn't want anymore drama.

"Vihaan, you know I can't do this," he said, when we were next to the goalpost alone.

"What do you mean? You've been at this lead ship post for half a year now. Just keep going. It was either you or me in the end, anyways."

"That's my point! It's your duty. Every time I went to the sports council to tell the truth, you stopped me. Why Vihaan?! Why do you not want this? Why do you want to still carry the blame?"

I did it for someone. And I never did, and never will, regret taking that action.

"Okay forget that," he brushed aside the topic, noticing my adamancy. "Party at my house tomorrow evening. Everyone would love it if you came...you know it's been a while since you--"

"Sorry, man. I don't really feel it anymore."

"Oh...alright."

Before he sulked off, I called him back. "I just want to make one thing clear. I gave you one of my biggest dreams. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to give you everything I seek for."

A flash of hurt passed through his eyes, but he took a step closer in confidence. "Are you talking about Jiya? I'll admit, I was attracted to her at first. All those days she helped me out with such integrity -- they were truly priceless. But we all saw what you had for her. And we all saw till what extent you could go for her. Sure, she's nice with me and all. But Jiya was definitely the closest with you. She's precious Vihaan. And I would never choose to lose her as a good friend by coming into all this. I get you were - and still are - suspicious of me. But I've moved on from both of our past and I've moved on from that attraction as well. I'm no longer an obstacle in your path. I want to make that clear."

Jiya

Being recognized as class topper in the 1st year of college, second year started with the same determination and momentum. I was back to being the old Jiya -- the one who paid no attention to distractions.

Although one thing did develop.

The confidence I had gained allowed me to have a conversation with Ma, regarding my extreme interest in fashion designing. Yes, she was initially disappointed, but after a couple days gave me time to search early for opportunities. "Your happiness is what matters. After this year, you'll have an MBA degree anyways - as backup in case things don't work out."

But there was only one thing - one person - I couldn't move on from. Vihaan.

The first couple months, I could never stop the tears falling down my face, every single day after college. His persistence to apologize, persistence to change things, persistence to start fresh, hit me over and over again. Perhaps, I would have forgiven him that day when exam results came out. But something inside of me held on; we were both better off without each other. I would think "just a few more days" until this sadness would be over. But those days never came.

He stopped coming after me after some time. But I knew he didn't move on - neither did I. Just a few more days--

"Jiya can we talk?"

When I looked up, Vicky was staring at me. I nodded and made room for him on the bench across from the fountain.

"This time it's your fault," he stated directly. When I had nothing to say, he continued talking. "I'm not saying you should forgive him. That's completely up to you. But please don't leave him in hopes. He has something for you, and I believe even you did, or still do. Talk to him. Either forgive him or end it permanently. I can't bear to see Vihaan like this anymore."

Before Vicky could leave, the sound of my voice made him stop. "Why does he have to be like this? When he likes someone, why does he have to forget himself to always help them in the simplest things? How long do I have to keep feeling guilty Vicky?"

"But--"

"I wasn't wrong about Vihaan being a closed book. He knows everything about me! But yet, I don't know anything about him! He hides anything about his parents, why he gets so angry, why he hates--"

"We have 15 minutes until class starts. Can I tell you something? It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance."

"Um sure."

"But in return, you have to promise to talk to Vihaan. End what you guys have or start fresh."

"This matter is that important?"

"I'll tell you how everything went downhill, including Vihaan and his ex -- Laila Raichand. Now you decide. Is the matter that important?"

🌱 

Season 2 has started by getting right to the point, am I right?

What you all have been waiting for...the miserable past of Vihaan Khatri...coming soon.