Holding On To You (A Twenty One Pilots Fanfiction)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

After I'd agreed to stay, we all stood in the kitchen in complete silence. Josh and I kept exchanging glances.

"What's up with you two?" Tyler broke the silence.

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"Well I'm gonna go wash up before bed," Tyler said and headed towards the bathroom.

"This never happened. It was a mistake," I said placing emphasis on the word "mistake". I needed to be completely clear with Josh. I didn't have feelings for him.

"Was it though?" he challenged.

"Yes," I said firmly and nodded my head. "I have no intention of it ever happening again. We will never be more than friends."

"You can't just put all of the blame on me. You kissed back..."

"I'm not blaming you. It was both of us. But I need you to understand that it didn't mean anything to me and it was a mistake, okay?" I said in a softer tone.

"Okay," he replied, "I'm going to sleep."

He and Josh bumped shoulders in passing through the narrow hallway that connected the kitchen/main area to the bathroom and beds.

"You look tired," I said to Tyler.

"If you think this is tired, then you should see me during the tour," he laughed.

We continued on with some general conversation, but it just wasn't the same. We definitely had unresolved issues that created an awkward tension between us.

On a more serious note I said, "I think we need to talk."

"Yeaahh," Tyler said as he took my hand and led me to the couch.

The light from above the kitchen sink dimly lit up the area, enough that I could see the shadows and wrinkles across Tyler's face.

We both began to speak at the same time, then paused.

"You start," we said in unison.

We both laughed.

"Okay," I began. "So I want to start by apologizing for the way I've pushed you around these past few weeks. You're right; I only wanted to be with you when it was convenient for me. I wasn't being fair to you or Alex, giving you both mixed signals about my feelings. I'm so sorry, Tyler. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you," I said and tears welled up in my eyes.

Tyler stroked his hand across my cheek and pushed my chin up.

"Hey, it's alright," he soothed.

"And the truth is, I did have feelings for both of you. You see, I'd known you all of my life. You were always there to rely on... to trust, with anything. I'll admit there were many times growing up, when I thought you were the one. I would fantasize about us dating as we got older. But I never had the nerve to say anything, in fear that you didn't feel the same."

"I did," Tyler interrupted.

"Let me finish. And then it never really happened between us, so I'd moved on to Carter. He was great in the beginning, but our feelings for each other just subsided after a while. Remember, you had left and committed all of your time to music, so I'd lost all hope for the possibility of us. Then, on my first day here, I met Alex. He was handsome, kind, friendly, and I liked him a lot."

"Liked?" Tyler cut me off again.

"Just wait... So when I found out that he liked me back, I was quite flattered. And then the concert happened. When we hung out the next day, I realized how much I had missed you and Josh. I still wasn't dating Alex at the time, so I did rethink the possibility of us. But then again, nothing happened with us, and Alex asked me out. So, I went for it. And it was great. I was happy, and he is a great guy. But then we kissed in the rain, back home in Massachusetts. You know the rest. I kept telling myself that I was in love, in love with Alex. But as I pushed you away, I just became more frustrated. I still dated Alex, but thought more about you. Truthfully, as stupid as this sounds, I was just so scared that if I admitted that I had feelings for you, I'd mess everything up. I also didn't want to hurt Alex in the process. But I now realize that by not being honest about my feelings, I'm hurting everyone," I paused. "So considering all of that, I'm just going to be honest. If you'll have me, I think I might just be completely in love with you, Tyler Joseph."

"Yes, of course I'll have you. I can't believe after all of these years, this is finally happening. We are finally happening!"

My lips curled up into a smile to match Tyler's. "I promise, first thing tomorrow, I will tell Alex."

"Okay," Tyler said. "So I guess I can do this now without feeling the least bit of guilt," he said as he pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine. It felt so amazing to kiss him without feeling like I was doing something wrong. It felt so perfect, so right.

"Oh and one more thing, since we're being honest here... Josh kissed me tonight, right before you woke up."

Tyler burst into laughter, "What?!" he exclaimed.

"But it didn't mean anything, I swear," I laughed.

"I know, I could not see you with Josh."

"I just wanted to tell you now, so you don't find out later from him. But I think he was embarrassed and disappointed, so don't bring it up. "

"I'll try not too," he was still laughing.

I pushed him in the shoulder.

"Okay, okay, I won't say anything."

There was a break in the conversation.

"I'm so sad you're so soon," I said as I remembered.

"I know, but I'll facetime you everyday. I can't imagine a day without seeing your face."

I blushed, "Me too."

We both just smiled at each other, and must've eventually fallen asleep there.