Holding On To You (A Twenty One Pilots Fanfiction)

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

It was dead silent. All eyes were on me, expectantly. Eyebrows raised in surprise since I hadn't spoken yet. I glanced down at Tyler. His once beaming and confident smile had been replaced with a worried look as he furrowed his eyebrows. I shifted my weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. If it were just the two of us, I would have explained how I wasn't ready for this yet, and that we should take it slower, but instead I was standing on a stage at his mom's funeral in front of a crowd. I knew it would kill him if I said anything but "yes." This was a huge risk he was taking, especially in front of a lot of people, and I couldn't ruin his hopes.

So I finally broke the silence, and gave the most convincing, "yes" that I could give. The audience cheered, Tyler stood up and gave me a tight squeeze. He tried to whisper something in my ear, but I didn't quite get it. We walked off the stage together, hand in hand, and took our seats. A closing speech was made, and the people dismissed from their seats and stood around chattering.

Josh's mom approached me with a hug. I stood and talked to her for a few minutes. Afterwards, I looked around, but couldn't find Tyler in the mass of people. I found my way to the bathroom, running into my mom.

"Didn't see that one coming," she commented.

"Trust me; neither did I..."

"You didn't have to say yes you know. You can always back out," she suggested, "You know your father and I didn't decide to get married until we dated for five years."

I ignored her, shoving past her towards a stall.

"Excuse me, I am your mother. You owe me that respect," she blurted.

"Uhh... sorry if I don't want to take relationship advice from someone who cheated on her husband, and still came here today like nothing happened," I said turning around. "Dad doesn't even know!" I shouted.

"Shh.. there's people outside."

In a quieter tone I said, "You need to tell him. If you don't, I will. That's only fair."

She stared at me in silence, not knowing what to say. I continued into the stall and heard her leave. Immediately, I began to cry. I was crying about Tyler's proposal, about his mom, about the affair, and pretty much everything. I came out of the stall and looked at my tear streaked face, my smeared mascara. The door opened up. It was a woman that I didn't know.

"Are you alright?" she asked, seeing my face.

"Uh huh," I mumbled.

"Tyler's mom was a very close friend of mine. I miss her too. But congratulations on the engagement!" she said in a happier tone.

Engagement.

I was engaged.

I took a deep breath, said thanks, and exited the bathroom. I went out to my car, and cried some more in there. How did my life turn into this? A week ago, I was simply looking forward to coming home for Thanksgiving and seeing Tyler. I was just supposed to be a happy college girl, home for my first break.

I started the engine and drove home. I wanted to go inside, eat something sweet and watch some television, but Tyler was waiting on the doorstep. I didn't want to talk about it right now. I didn't want to address it. I wiped my tears once again, and got out of the car.

He looked up at me with soft eyes.

"I didn't know where else to go," he said.

"Oh," I replied, dumbly.

"Well come in," I said, trying to sound welcoming, but I really wanted to be alone.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, once we were inside and sitting on the couch.

He had his arm draped around my shoulders, which would've comforted me yesterday, but the proposal somehow changed it to unsettling. I sat, tense and uncomfortable, in the arms of the person I was supposed to be madly in love with.

"Hey, relax, what's wrong?" he smiled.

"Nothing," I squirmed.

"You know, today was my closure. I finally feel better... about everything," he said.

"That's good," I replied.

"Plus now we're engaged," he said happily.

I cringed at that word once again.

"Listen, I'm not dumb. I know you hesitated, but this is what you want right? I don't want to push you," he said brushing my cheek with the back of his hand.

"Yes, this is what I want," I lied. "I was just shocked, is all. I still am."

"Okay good," he smiled, "I was thinking... You have to go back to school, I have to continue the tour. We're going international in a couple months. I know we'll be apart, but we can make it work. So the only problem, is setting a date... I was kind of thinking winter break, but I always wanted an outdoor summer wedding..."

Winter break? That was in a month.

My head was spinning.

"Anyway, so I was thinking this summer. I mean you'll be home, and I can make it home sometime."

I put my hands on either side of my pounding head. I was absolutely not ready for marriage in a couple months, or years to be honest. Plus, what was the point of getting married to someone who I'll barely see? I have four more years of school, and Tyler has years ahead of touring.

I took a deep breath. My heart was racing, as I was getting myself all worked up.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he touched my cheek again.

"No, I'm not alright!" I practically exploded, pushing him off of me, and standing up. "I'm not alright. I'm not ready to think about marriage. That's why I was so hesitant. I'm barely nineteen! We've been dating for not even three months! I love you but, I mean, are you crazy? Marriage, Tyler? Marriage? Like you said, you're going international... I have school... what's the point? We have years to enjoy each other first, and then think about marriage! And I'm sure as hell I'm not getting married this summer."

Tyler sat there with a blank look on his face.

"Say something. I love you," I sat back down and took his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm just not ready."

"So that's it then, no engagement?" he finally said.

"No. Yes. I don't know... I mean we can be engaged, because I do love you. And I want to marry you some day. I plan on it, but not anytime soon... Maybe once I graduate. We can just have a really long engagement."

What was I saying? I sounded almost as crazy as him.

I didn't want to be engaged, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it out loud.

"Okay, I guess," he said.

"I'm going upstairs, I have to shower and stuff.. you can stay in the guest room if you want."