Holding On To You (A Twenty One Pilots Fanfiction)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

What was I thinking?  

Tyler had just told me that he might have feelings for Madison. I have a boyfriend, or maybe had one. Yet again, I still managed to screw it all up. I buried my face into my hands.

"Hey, it's alright," Tyler looked over from the driver's side. We were on the way back my dorm. 

"Tyler, let's just be together. Alex will never forgive me. I know he won't. Come on. We can just be together now, finally. We can live out the happy ending that I've always dreamed about. I'll... I'll drop out of college. I'll come on tour with you," I offered with tears in my eyes.

"Jess, come on, you... you don't know what you're saying. You're upset," Tyler tried.

"What? You don't want to be with me? I thought you loved me," I shouted.

"I... I do, but you're..."

"I'm what? Not as good as Madison? Hmm?"

"I was gonna say that you aren't thinking straight."

We were nearing my street.

"Stop the car," I said.

Tyler hesitated.

"Now," I reinstated.

The car came to a sudden halt.

"Jess, I..."

I didn't want to or care to hear the rest of that sentence. I slammed the door shut behind me and began the short walk back to my dorm.  

****

I was awake at seven A.M. I couldn't sleep any longer. Eventually after I showered, and ate a granola bar, I decided that I should go and see Alex. I, at least, owed him an apology and a final goodbye. I was probably the reason he'd gotten into this accident in the first place. In my car, I shuffled my music, and Tyler's voice rang in my ears. I quickly shut it off, frustrated. 

I pulled into the hospital's parking lot, and made my way to Alex's room. He was awake, watching the small television across from his bed. I paused a minute and took a deep breath before I walked in. 

To my surprise, he smiled when he saw me. 

"Jess, I'm so sorry. I love you," he started. 

Oh no. He wasn't mad at me. That would make this even harder. 

"Alex..." 

"No, really, I should've believed you, at the party when you said Tyler didn't mean anything to you. I should've trusted you. I mean it hurt me to know that you kissed that one weekend, but as long as nothing has happened since, and you say it didn't mean anything, then I don't care. I can't believe I left you like that at the party all alone. It was selfish, and I'm so sorry. I missed seeing you yesterday, were you here?" 

Wait. Did Alex not remember me kissing Tyler? Apparently not. 

He held out his hand to me. I took it, full of regret. 

How could I tell him now? Maybe it would be best if he didn't know. Remember how he acted the last time he found out we kissed? 

Tears welled up in my eyes. Alex motioned for me to come closer, and then with his free arm, he pulled my head up against his. He kissed me. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't say anything, not now. I stayed for about an hour, and then went back to my dorm.

When I pulled up, Tyler's car was sitting outside. He rolled down his window, and I rolled down mine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. 

"I... I guess you're right. If you mean what you said yesterday, I would be happy to give us a shot. I do love you. I mean I like Madison, but I love you. I can't help it. When I try to get you out of my mind, I just think about you more," he smiled, "and you're right. Alex won't forgive you." 

"Alex... Alex doesn't remember." 

"Doesn't remember?" 

"He doesn't remember seeing us kiss yesterday. The last thing he remembers is the party." 

"Oh," Tyler said. 

I didn't know what to say. I just sat there. 

"You know what Jess? I'm done. I'm done getting pushed away and pulled back by you. I can't take it. It breaks me. It breaks my heart Jessica. Do you think that my feelings aren't affected by any of this? Do you think that you're the only one who gets hurt or upset? I have been here for you all along, but you're only there for me when it's convenient for you," he said as he drove away.