Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction

Chapter 57 - We're all doomed to be disappointed

I hope that someday when I am gone, someone, somewhere, picks my soul up off of these pages and thinks, "I would have loved her." 

- Nicole Lyons

I think that if I had smelled an Amortentia potion before Draco so rudely invaded my life, one of the appearing scents would be that pleasant, earthy smell after rainfall. There's a word for that specific scent: petrichor.

When I was younger, I used to keep a list of words I thought were beautiful. Words that I had never heard of and that weren't used in spoken language, but that I discovered when reading. I spent most of my days before Hogwarts in the library, in between my homeschool classes. I read books that were way too difficult for me to comprehend, but I didn't mind. I didn't care much for the stories about old witches and wizards and their life, but I preferred looking at the pretty words and I made a list of my favourite ones.

Petrichor was one of them, as was vellichor, meaning the strange wistfulness of used bookshops. There was also effervescence and ephemeral and mellifluous. Not all of them had fun meanings, but I didn't care much for them. I cared about how a couple of letters could create something so intriguing, more magical than any spell Hogwarts had taught me.

Petrichor, a sign of the end of the harshness of winter, the introduction of spring. It was the beginning of March and I found myself looking out into the Courtyard, where the clouds were shedding their last drops of rain. It was almost curfew, but I had patrol tonight, so it was no big deal. I didn't feel like being in the common room right now.

I didn't quite know what I was feeling recently. I mean, I was fine, life was just continuing like it always had, but I just felt so sad sometimes. I just needed something to look forward to. I felt caught in a life that I didn't want to live.

But I had to enjoy these last months at Hogwarts, because the summer would be so much worse.

I hadn't talked to Draco in over two months. I had worried a lot, especially when I found out that Ron Weasley landed in the hospital wing after drinking a poison that was meant for Dumbledore. I worried that he'd get caught, that he'd get hurt and most of all, I was so scared that he would fail.

I knew that I had to stop worrying, but how could I after what he had said to me over Christmas break? I wish I could choose you, Ellie, I really do, but I can't do that without trading your life for it. And I love you too much to do that.

I had repeated those words in my head hundreds of times. He loved me and I loved him. He was right though, there was no future for us where we could be together without one of us getting killed. We had messed that up the minute we let the Dark Lord believe that we hated each other. Back then it was the best thing to do and I knew it had been the right thing to do, but it had dire consequences.

If only I could just go back to how things were at the beginning of last year, when I just didn't care.

"Dobby must hurry to see Harry Potter", I heard down the hallway. "Harry Potter has requested Dobby's presence personally. Dobby must hurry. Harry Potter mentioned master Malfoy."

I couldn't help but stand up from the window sill I was sitting in. Dobby was running towards the Hospital Wing. Master Malfoy? Why did Harry Potter want to talk to Dobby about Lucius?

I had known Dobby for quite a few years, as he used to be one of the house elves at Malfoy Manor. Dobby never really liked me, as he liked only those who were a big fan of Harry Potter, so I didn't know him quite well. He was outgoing and clumsy and lived in his own little bubble, which Lucius didn't appreciate very much. He gave Dobby quite a hard time, so the elf fled to Hogwarts when he had gotten the chance.