Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction

Chapter 29 - To hell with self worth

Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.

- Socrates

It was an absolute disaster. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't get it out of my head. He was everywhere I went, always in my peripheral. And his bloody scent. I smelled it every time he passed, as if my brain had trained itself to single out that scent. It was infuriating.

I couldn't concentrate when he stared at me, and he stared a lot.

I could feel his eyes burning on me in class and in the library, during breakfast, lunch, supper and everything in between. I knew he was just watching me to figure out if I would tell anyone about it, but it was impossible to focus on anything because of it.

The nights were the worst. As soon as I closed my eyes, I could feel his hands on my waist, his kisses on my neck and his body against mine. I could feel it and it was dangerous. I cast a bloody Silencio charm every night just in case I would start talking in my sleep. My body yearned for him and I couldn't give in. It was wrong.

Why oh why couldn't I be attracted to someone decent? Blaise perhaps, Theodore Nott even. Just not disgusting pig Draco Malfoy. I tried to repeat his insults in my head over and over again to get rid of that feeling.

Where is your grandpappy now?

You're a disgrace. People only respect you for your last name, but you're not worthy of it.

You're a snob and pathetic and worthless, you're absolutely worthless Eleanor.

No one likes you.

And not even that seemed to work. Not even his harsh words could erase the thought of kissing him. Words couldn't outweigh deeds.

"Lea, are you okay?", Tracey asked and waved in front of my face.

"What? Yes, yes, I'm good", I said, shaking the thoughts. I focused on my supper in front of me, which I hadn't touched yet.

"He shouldn't be allowed to look that good", Daphne said dreamily, eyes fixated on the entrance. The Slytherin quidditch team walked in, clearly practice had been a bit delayed. In front of the group was the boy Daphne was drooling about, his hair still wet from the shower.

Daphne waved him over. Please, no.

"Hi", he said to Daphne as he sat down between Blaise and my best friend. Our eyes crossed just for half a second, but it was enough for my heart to drop. I suddenly noticed everything about him.

I noticed his lean fingers that did everything so very gracefully, his fair, flawless skin that seemed to have skipped puberty, his long lashes and those grey eyes. Those grey eyes that could both have storms in them, or look like a calm fall day. And his lips. Those damn rosy lips that fitted mine perfectly.

He looked up and our eyes met again, but he didn't look away this time. He just kept staring at me and I could not figure out the look that was in his eyes.

"I've got some work to do", I said and stood up. I had to get out of here.

I simply didn't understand it. I had never noticed those things before, so why did I now? It's not like he had become a nice person since last year, quite the opposite really. Was I so desperate that one kiss made me crave for more, doesn't matter who the victim is?

What in the world could be the reason for this madness? I leaned against a wall in the dungeons and took a couple of deep breaths. It was just a physical attraction, but a physical attraction that was awakened and had to be satisfied.