Journey Back To Me: Learning to live with Borderline Personality Disorder

Anxiety, Ugh

Chapter 10 Anxiety, Ugh

The audience quiets down as they see a big jumbotron screen drop down from the ceiling so the audience can see what the ringmaster is doing. 'Backstage with the ringmaster' appears on the screen. Ringmaster peeks backstage, watching all the performers getting ready for tonight's show. His nervousness is coursing through his body and he needs to check on everyone so he knows that the show will run smoothly. Shaking the nerves out of his body, Ringmaster steps forward, but a juggler bombards him and then takes off running and laughing. The juggler catches up with the group who is laughing as well. The jugglers are little screwballs. They enjoy messing with the ringmaster. They are a wacky group, who live, sleep, circus, and repeat. Ringmaster has a crush on Lady Latte, but no one has to know that, so he deals with the jugglers' nonsense.

"I swear to God those jugglers are going to get it one day," Ringmaster grits through his teeth as he straightens his lapels. Ringmaster straightens his back and moves on to talk with the other performers.

Ringmaster slides up to one of the female performers, and she is looking fabulous in a shimmery nude illusion bodysuit. She is warming up for the show. She has one leg planted into the ground as the other one is in the air making a Y shape with her body.

"Good evening Paulina how's the stretching going?"

"Good evening Ringmaster. The stretching is going great," Paulina says as she puts her left leg down and starts to raise her right one into the air to stretch into the Y shape again.

"Such a contortionist," Ringmaster jokes and Paulina laughs as she brings down her leg to a normal standing position.

"Are you ready for tonight's show?" Paulina asks as she stretches her arms behind her head.

Before the ringmaster can respond, a little girl in a tailored A-line dress comes running up to Paulina and starts pulling on her costume.

Paulina kneels to the little girl's level. "Hi Dapper."

Dapper smiles shyly and waves. Dapper is special. She is nonverbal, but communicates in other ways. She may have autism or a processing disorder. No one wanted her, and that is why she lives with the circus family.

"Dapper! There you are! She is getting so quick." An older woman dressed in an old-fashioned maid's outfit comes running up to them.

"Hi Miss Green. What can we do for you and Dapper?" Paulina politely asks, still kneeling next to Dapper.

"Well I think Dapper wants to learn how to become a contortionist. Earlier she saw you practicing and attempted some of those moves."

"Is that so, Dapper? You want to be like me?"

Dapper smiles bigger, flaps her arms, and nods yes.

"Oh! I have a great idea for tonight show." Ringmaster has an 'aha' moment. "Paulina, I think you and Dapper should do a routine. You should show her some of your moves."

Paulina stands back up, turning to Miss Green, "Would it be okay if I took Dapper on stage?"

"I think so." Miss Green bends down to Dapper, "Do you want to go on stage with Paulina?"

Dapper flaps her arms excitedly. She starts jumping up and down.

"I'll take that as a yes." Ringmaster laughs.

"I also will be there for assistance," Miss Green says.

"Of course," Paulina says as she takes Dapper's hand, jumping up and down to exude their excitement.

"Alright ladies, you have some work to do. I'll let you get back to stretching or practicing or whatever it is you do," Ringmaster announces.

"Thanks, Ringmaster." Paulina smiles as she and Dapper dash off to practice. Miss Green sighs and chases after them.