One Day At A Time

|Chapter 32|

Hazel

Planting a kiss on the baby's casket as I did, Ava then stands in her previous spot in front of me, where I then wrap my arms around her. Today is one of the hardest days of my life, but I know this is how it was supposed to be all along. Burying your child is not something you would expect to do in your lifetime as a parent, but it's important for us to mark Anthony's life and express our grief after losing him. After all, we'd never get to see him again. I definitely didn't want to get him cremated, and I honestly don't know why, but neither did August so it was something we agreed on. Neither of us were ready to let him go, so we were able to get another few days with him before we got to this point today.

This morning, Ava wanted to pray for us to make sure we stayed strong through all of this, and no lie, I really think it's helping. I wouldn't have been able to get through today without that prayer. I love how important praying is to her. She has such a deep connection with the Lord at such a young age and I love it. I never want her to lose faith in God because of the negative things that go on in her life, such as losing her brother and uncle.

"You okay mamas?" I lean down and whisper into her ear.

"Yes ma'am. You?" She asks turning to look at me.

"Mhm."

Lowering the casket into the ground, everyone says their goodbyes as we throw some blue roses into the ground for Anthony. Fixing my glasses, I don't move until they are completely done with his grave and eventually leave. Everyone then says their goodbyes to us as I turn to August to see how he's doing.

"You okay?" I ask taking my glasses off and staring into his eyes, searching them for anything.

Knowing how he's sheltered when it comes to expressing his feelings and emotions, I feel as if I have to check on him. Plus he's my husband and my best friend, even if I really had to, I wouldn't mind doing it. It comes as a force of habit anyway. I just know him carrying Anthony's coffin over to the burial spot was tough for him and I want to make sure he's okay because he still hasn't really expressed how he felt, with the exception of his Instagram post.

"Yea I'm straight."

"August.." I say in a more softer tone. "Losing a baby isn't easy for a mother, but neither is it for a father. It's okay to let go, you don't have to prove to me that you're strong."

"I know baybeh I'm straight right now though."

He rests both of his hands on either sides of my face and wipes my tears that had fallen with the pads of his thumbs. He then pulls me to him, embracing me in a hug and kissing my forehead.

"I love you." He then says with a warm smile.

"I love you way more."

"Impossible."

::::::::::

August decided to go to the studio, probably to blow some steam off or pour his heart out, so it's just me and Ava in the house. She's in her room catching up on the work she'd missed over these few days, while I'm downstairs watching tv.

Well the tv's watching me and I'm online looking for any open spots to get my salon. Its been my dream, even before going to cosmetology school, to open my own shop. I want to do everyone's makeup. I'd do some homeless people's hair and makeup to make them feel somewhat good about themselves, and then even grow big enough to do celebrities makeup. That dream is still being held off since I have yet to do any of that, but that's about to change. I want everything to go as planned and open up my shop within the next year. I want way better for myself as well as the people around me.