In My Life I Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Josephina's POV

I laid my head back against the pillows that propped me up, the doctor had just excused himself after informing me of my present condition. Within moments of him leaving, Paul came in, looking stressed, worried, and upset.

"Josephina......I'm so sorry.....I...." he started but I shook my head, I couldn't deal nor did I want to deal with his apologies.

"I think it's best for my health if you just avoid me for a while. I can't have this level of stress so close to my due date," I cradled my stomach, closing my eyes for a moment, "John would kill you if he ever found out." I added as an afterthought.

Poor Paul looked miserable and a small part of me felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to ease his pain, my child almost died because of him...

''Lov-Josephina I'm sorry-" Paul whimpered but I gave him a look. promptly shutting him up.

"If you care about me at all Paul, you'll just leave me alone right now. I mean it. I don't want to see you until you've figured out why you're with Linda if you like me." I stressed and Paul looked away ashamed, twisting the bottom of his shirt subconsciously.

"I-I'll just wait outside for John then." He muttered, shooting me one last kicked puppy look as he shuffled out of the room.

Once I was alone, I cupped a hand to my mouth, stifling my cries. All the stress and excitement at Paul's had caused Grayson's heart rate to drop and almost caused me to go into premature labor. Taking a breath, I tried to calm myself and looked down at my swollen stomach.

"What am I going to do with these boys? I guess I'll be taking care of them huh?" I spoke to my stomach, relaxing when Grayson kicked, almost agreeing with me, "just hang on darling. We've got one more month to go." I rubbed my stomach and laid my head back.

I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke to John leaning next to my hospital bed, holding my hand while his forehead rested against my stomach.

"Baby?" My voice cracked and John bolted upright. My gaze softened as I looked properly at him.

He looked a mess.

"Josie, are you alright?" He scooted closer, eyes scanning my entire body, hands hesitant to touch me as though he feared I was made of glass and would break if he dared to touch me.

"I'm ok. The doctor said Grayson's heart rate had dropped but they managed to get it back up. I'm on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy." I rubbed John's hand as he let off a shuddering breath of relief.

"I was on stage and they waited until the break. When I got the call from Paul......I-I, I completely blacked out and don't even remember getting the car. Al I could think about was you and the baby...I can't lose another-" John buried his face in my lap, his tough exterior breaking.

"It's okay John. I'm okay, the baby's okay," I soothed, rubbing his back, "I was scared too." I admitted and he sat up, eyes shadowed with guilt.

"I shouldn't have left you alone. I should have stayed in London. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you." He glared down at his lap, beating himself up as he often did.

"You can't put your entire life on pause for me Papi. You're a musician. I knew that when I married you that you wouldn't be home all the time. But what happened wasn't your fault," John continued to look away and I took his chin, tilting his head up, "listen to me, John Winston Lennon. Don't you ever blame yourself for something you didn't do? This could have happened anytime, anywhere. I'll smack you if you blame yourself."

"Yes, miss." He smiled crookedly. Smiling back, I leaned forward and cupped his cheeks, pressing my lips to his.

"I'm okay and so is the baby. I'm giving thanks to God and not worrying about the "what if." I nuzzled his cheek and John sighed blissfully, warm breath tickling my neck.

"I'm truly considering locking you away to preserve your sweetness." John pulled away to look me over.

"As soon as I'm let out if you can get me a real pizza and some feta cheese, you can take me anywhere." I laughed, and bean running my fingers through his hair, I could tell he was still rattled, and I wanted him to calm down.

"You look like a mountain man...." I giggled and John stared at me curiously, "slap on a checkered shirt and some boots and you could go chopping some wood."

"That what you want me doing in California eh? Chopping wood while you watch?" He smirked, fingers trailing down my back causing me to shiver and his smile to grow.

"Just so long as you're not wearing a shirt." I wrapped my arms around him, careful of my IV.

"Don't tease me love while you're all hooked up to the machines." John's voice rumbled as I began to press chaste kisses on his neck. He pulled away, to look at me properly, almost like he was trying to memorize my face.

"I love you, very much you know that don't you?" He asked, a sort of vulnerability in his brown eyes that others never saw but I did.

"I love you too John. More than you'll ever know." I smiled gently at him, reaching out to hug him around my stomach. I felt him relax in my arms, assured that I was still there.

That I hadn't left him alone.