In My Life I Love You More

Chapter Thirteen

  
After one week on the road with the Beatles and countless extras and crew, was an experience Josephina could say she would likely never forget. It was.........interesting to say politely.

   Honestly the film plot itself wasn't making much sense to her and John didn't help with his explanation of Paul's idea.

  Besides that, both she and Gabriella were having some difficulty understanding half of what was being shouted across the bus. As very social butterfly though, Gabriella made friends quick with some of the girls.

Josephina's mainly stuck to herself, John partly made it his mission to keep Paul away from her much to her annoyance. But, Paul always found a moment to chat her up, a little harmless flirtation here and there, but she could feel the start of a genuine friendship developing.

  She did make a female friend (something John approved of) out of Clara, a bubbly blonde from London who she instantly clicked with and she found herself more in the company of her new friend and actually enjoying herself more.

  It was during one of the few breaks during a stop, that the Beatles left the other passengers on the bus to go film a music video, John leaving Josephina in Clara's care, with the promise of a surprise when he returned.

  The location was somewhat desolate, with large slabs that she could see the men at a distance wearing what looked like animal costumes.....

  "I'm so jealous. I've always wanted to go to California.... see Hollywood....." Clara leaned back in her lawn chair, grimacing at the sun and pulled a pair of sunglasses out.

  "That's on the other side the state, but I lived in Los Angeles for about a year.......Went there to become an actress...... I did the screenings and everything, I just never got the big break. But there's always another chance." Josephina admitted, stretching a leg out on the grass.

  "I think you'd do wonderfully. You're beautiful, smart and I'm sure being with John could help pull some strings for auditions." Clara missed Josephina jumping up from her leaned back position, face startled.

  "What're you talking about? John and I....." She glanced around for anyone close by, "we're not together." She whispered.

  "Jo, I've got three older sisters. Trust me, I know you're together." She giggled as Josephina flopped back and covered her face groaning.

  "Does anyone else know?" She by her lip worriedly as the other girl thought for a few seconds before shaking her head.

"No, I think you'd have to really be near you a lot to notice something like that," She smiled assuringly before boxing a thought that had been bugging her for some time, "I hope you don't think me noisy, but why are you keeping it a secret?"

"John just worries for me, he wants to keep me safe from crazy fans and the press." She said, after Clara began to nervously eye her, fearful she had somehow offended her new friend, "he's just looking out for me, that's all." To be honest, she wasn't really sure who she was trying to convince at this point.

  When the Beatles finally returned from filming, all four were sweaty,  worn out and eager for their bedrooms in the hotel they had booked for the film.

  Josephina had just bid her own sister (who was enjoying the company of her new summer fling) goodnight and had the hotel room door halfway closed, when a hand stopped the action, John appearing through the door jam just as quickly as he had appeared, locking the door behind him.

  "Hi." Josephina greeted with a small smile.

  "Hello," John's smile was wider and he led her over to the bed, sitting her down while he towered over her.

  "So what's my big surprise?" She asked, toying with her engagement ring around her neck, immediately reminded of what she needed to talk to him about.

   "Tomorrow, Cynthia's dropping off Julian and he'll be with us until Friday when she picks him back up on the way back from a short holiday with her friends." John smiled, watching her face light up in excitement.

  Though he seldom saw Julian, it meant a lot to him that his fiancée was eager to meet and spend time with his son.

  "Oh that's wonderful!" She beamed, sitting up straighter. The engagement ring slapped against her chest from the sudden movement and her smile fell.

  John, having caught the action, frowned, eyed searching her's concerned. "What's wrong?" 

  Josephina swallowed and pulled him down to the bed to sit next to her. "Why are we keeping our engagement and relationship a secret?" She asked and John stared at her.

  "What?"

    "Why? Why is it that we have to sneak around like two high school kids hiding from their parents? Are you..... are you ashamed of me? Because of the color of ethnicity?" She looked at him and John scowled, annoyance bubbling from the pit of his stomach.

  "How dare you even ask me that." He snarled, completely disgusted she'd even think he cared about something as petty as race.....

  "I would be the first woman of color.... any member of the band publicly dated. Jesus John, you're not giving me anything else to think! You were public with Yoko! Is it because she's Asian and I'm half Latina? Why not me?" Her tone sharpened and she glared at him defiantly.

  "Yoko was different." He snapped, his temper only growing as she rolled her eyes.

  "Yeah she was different all right. If it's scary for you, my parents are in a public interracial relationship-"

"That's bloody California. You're all free minded down there and it's got nothing to do with your skin color, so quit thinking about that." He waved her off and she scoffed crossing her arms.

  "Regardless John, I need to know. Why you won't let me wear my ring on my finger, why  you won't kiss me in public. Why you get so angry if I talk with Paul." She accused and he scowled.

  "Paul's only after one thing and you're mine." He crossed his arms, watching her shake her head.

  "It's every man though John! It's every man I talk to. If you're even going to try to act like a jealous future spouse than you need to be open and show everyone that we're together."

  "Josephina you don't understand. As much as I don't care, it's it's still taboo in places, I spoke to my lawyer. People aren't going to love that I'm getting married again, and it's not even the fans, it's the bloody press. They will eat you alive and spit you into the gutter. You heard what they did to us in the south for the Jesus comment. What the fuck do you think they'll do to you and I if they find out we're married? They might actually harm you. I can't lose another person in my life!" John yelled and sat down, rubbing his face with his hands.

"You're never going to lose me John. A vow is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I won't leave you." Josephina wrapped her arms around him, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

  "I just don't want to risk it. If I'm not there and somebody comes and hurts you....."

"Life's about risks John. I'm not a child nor am I your child. I can take care of myself and I'm not afraid of the press. My love for you is all good intentions and I'm not going to let them scare them from giving you public displays of affection."

"Josephina please...." John took her hands, squeezing them gently, eyed begging her to see his reason. Eyes softening, she shook her head with a reluctant nod.

   "If it really frightens you this much...... I'll...... I'll play along. But not forever John...." She warned seriously.

  "I promise, not forever. Just a little while until more and more couples come public." John sighed relieved and went to kiss her, but she turned her face away, his lips instead hitting her cheek.

  "You know what? I'm not going to deal with this right now. I was in a bloody animal suit for five fucking hours and the last thing I want to do is fight." He stood up and walked over to her bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

She waited until she was sure he had turned the shower on before she buried her face in her hands and cried. Something she was beginning to do a lot lately around John.