In My Life I Love You More

Chapter Seventy Seven

    It was a few hours before John made his presence known to his wife who had relocated to her office, absentmindedly to rubbing her stomach thoughtfully.

   John was silent as he crept over,  leaning down to kiss her forehead and touching Josephina's stomach with his other hand. Wiping the tears-damn hormones, she glanced up at her husband.

   "I'm sorry about Yoko's miscarriage." She said quietly and he looked beyond her, out the way window that overlooked the ocean.

  "You hated that she was pregnant while you were with Greyson." John reminded and she nodded, seeing no sense in lying to him.

  "I hated it. I absolutely did. We were freshly married and I should have been the only women carrying a baby with you.....But I hate that you still feel so strongly about her miscarriage nearly 15 years later," she pursed her lips, "I had my sympathies for you two, no one should ever have to bare losing a child. But the way you react-and reacted today..... so harshly. To me. To our son.....Our child who lived. Who you held when he was born. You were one of the first husbands-the nurse said, when Emmy was born to do skin-to skin bonding with their child! After you yelled, Emmy came in the room not five minutes later, scared. Greyson had been locked in his room ever since....."

John just stared out the window itching for a cigarette that he didn't have. "The lad's 13, he needs to toughen up." Was his weak defense and Josephina scowled.

"We're going to my sister's tonight for dinner with her boyfriend. But first we're going to drop the kids off with my parents and if you say one more mean thing to that boy before we do so, I'm gonna kick your skinny English ass out of this house and onto the street!" She threatened.

Like a whip John turned around, a furious expression on his face, "What the hell did you just say to me?"

His wife however was unimpressed and looked at him in bemusement, " I don't understand this meanness that you have. I've watched you over the years, and the way you talk to people and I don't understand it. I can't understand why people  can't be respectful to one another. I don't think there's any excuse for it. My family didn't treat each other that way."

John scoffed, "Oh, maybe cause your bloody family didn't have-"

You better not say anything about my family right now John Lennon, I mean it! We've been married 14 years and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But if you can't find a generous place in your heart for your own son, to treat him with all the love he deserves and not talk to him like he's some rival Greaser  boy from your youth, we're not gonna make it to 15!"

All John could do, was stare at her for a moment before he walked over to the window, leaning on the window jam, one arm above his head where he rested his forehead.

Josephina-with a little struggle, got to her feet and moved to stand next to him, leaning against the wall, facing John.

"Your children love you, they want to play with you," her eyes zeroed in on her husband who had yet to still make eye contact, "How long do you think that lasts? Soon Grayson might not even want you to come to his baseball games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast John. Just a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you will miss it," she ran a hand down her face, "as much as we try to remember onto the good, the bad memories are also hard to forget. You ruined your chance with Jules during his childhood and I know much you hate yourself for it. Don't do it to Grayson, Emmy and the twins. It will kill you and you promised you wouldn't leave me again," She clutched her chest, right over her heart to emphasize the pain John was causing, "I know you're seeing a doctor John and you have improved tremendously and I'm so proud of you baby for all the hard work you've put in. But you can't treat us like that. We're your family. We all love you....." touching his shoulder, she left him to his thoughts.

Better John be alone to reflect his actions and what could happen than to let him just blurt whatever popped in his red haired head.