In My Life I Love You More

Chapter Thirty Three

⚠️Warning. This chapter contains mentions of depression, addiction, and drug use. Triggers may occur. ⚠️

Unedited.

                  May 1969

   She couldn't do it anymore.

She simply couldn't. She had put everything in her life on hold.

For John.

For a man who avoided the subject when she asked when she could visit her homeland, see her family and friends. Even try to peruse her dream again.

No.

Because once you were married to a Beatle, a rockstar, your life didn't matter. Expect if you were Linda, but she was older, wiser than Josephina. She'd done the whole marriage thing, had a daughter and raised her primarily by herself, learned to be a woman in a man's world, not allowing Paul to put his old-fashioned Motherland Europe ways onto her American independent mindset.

  Between the time her mother left and the present, the American felt like she was slowly going insane. While her mother had been to assist in the first month of her grandson's life, she hadn't a lonely moment, even when John was off at the studio or locked away in the music room.

When he wasn't at either of those locations, John was off with Yoko doing art and weird hippie things (that Josephina had no interest in). Then the band had the brilliant idea to travel to India, for some sort of meditation retreat that baffled her.

Leaving Josephina all alone also.

Not that John didn't attempt to get her to go with them, but the idea of traveling with a newborn so far, and the risk of disease and illness quickly shut down that idea before John even had the opportunity to finish asking.

Grayson wasn't a fussy baby (except when left alone or far from his mother) and more than often, Josephina found herself breastfeeding and then cooking with little to no time for herself.

Presently, she was packing her suitcases, along with one for Grayson, the child already dressed for the airport and completely occupied with eating on his tiny hand.

"Don't worry sweetheart, we'll be home soon," Josephina promised the baby, her hands freezing when she heard the bedroom door open.

"What's all this?" Carefully, Josephina closes the suitcase and slowly turned to face John, who was staring at her scene before him in disbelief.

"I'm going home, John. To America." She said simply and the disbelief on his face was beginning to edge into anger.

"You what?" He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses and she sighed.

"I can't take it anymore John. I miss my homeland. I miss my friends. I have not seen my father, brother, and sister in almost a year. A year John. My life was never meant to be a little housewife who waited on a chair for you to come home. I ran a bakery for five years and I can't just sit around here all day." She admitted, playing with the bottom of her shirt nervously, confronting others, especially men, wasn't a strong suit of hers.

"I thought bringing you here, might make you like it. Thought being here with me would make you happier." John said, taking some steps closer to her.

"You got to chase your dreams, John! Why can't I?" She placed a hand on her chest and he shook his head, as though he was tired of having this conversation with her.

"You're a mother now, Josie. How're you going to be a mother to our son if you're working on movie sets and the like?" John watched her wrap her arms around his neck, playing with his long hair.