Approaching Her - Billie Eilish

Chapter 16

"Let's go guys!" Markus says. Julia walks in front of me, Billie is behind me. She's also the last one. I suddenly fell her hand on my back, slowly rubbing it. The only thing i was scared of, was Julia finding it out. Billie already told me she wants to hide that from her because she's afraid shes going to tell everyone about Billies little secret.

I don't really know why she's afraid of that, it's normal, but i respect her decision. Its not like i don't care about Julia, it's just the pure fact i don't feel in love with her anymore, this relationship feels like me wanting to get detached of the pure loneliness i was overwhelmed by before.

I don't even know what to do. And with Billie...I can't give up on her that easy. Whenever i look at her i fall more and more deeper in love with her! She's such a...i don't even know how to explain. I just look at her and my heart fills of with joy...joy from i don't even know what reason. At the end of the day she's just a normal girl, like every other girl, but for me, she gives me butterflies and goosebumps just by making eyes contact with me.

She's so gentle and romantic. She looks like she would reap your ass off, but she's not. She's more like a baby searching for love. I love the way she looks at me. I just remember that day she saved my ass, i remember it over and over again. The way she spent the entire night with me at the hospital, and making up for that kiss the other day with a pizza.

I know i can't get into a relationship with her very soon, but i also don't wanna lose her. She's just theoretically mine, but practically still not.

We finally arrive at the restaurant. Billie just acts like nothing happens, she tries at least. Little she knows how much attention i'm actually paying to her.

—-

"So, guys. What do you wanna do today?" Markus asks. "Let's go for a walk in the woods." Julia proposes. "I don't really think that's a good idea" billie ads while taking a sip from her glass of water. "Bruh, you don't have to come if you don't want to! Lol" She says annoyed. "You know what? Imma come." Billie tells on a confident tone. "I don't really feel like walking. Im going to stay here, at the motel." Mi says.

I instantly remember about her pregnancy, i can't wait for her to give birth, i love little babies. Hoping Billie does too. Wait, why do i even think about that. I'm just talking nonsense to myself right now, i should really stop! Ok Chris! Calm the fuck down!

"Chris!?" Julia almost yells. She called my name a couple of times before too, but i was way to focused on my thoughts. Billie just lets out a chuckle as she sees my spontaneously reaction on Julia's yelling.

"Yes?" I ask. "You come with me, right?" She asks putting her hand on my leg. "...yeah, sure." I say. "And you, Zoe?" She asks her. "I don't really know, i'm kinda afraid, what if we get lost?" She asks. "We're not, i'm good at hiking." Julia says. Billie bursts out in laughing putting her hand forming a fist, on her lips trying to ironically cover it.

"What?" Julia asks. "You lost yourself a year straight, every single day on the high school hallway, what do you mean by 'i'm good at hiking?'" She says laughing. "Hahaha, very funny miss Eilish, what should i say...as if you're better" She says obviously irritated by billies exposing behavior towards her. "I'm not, at least i don't pretend i am something i'm NOT!" Billie adds by highlighting the word 'something i'm NOT'. It is pretty obvious she means something else.

There's something happening between them, something none of them would tell me what it actually is about. I honestly don't even care. I'm tired of that shit, already.

"Guys, i don't really wanna risk. I'm just gonna chill in my room." Zoe ads. "Ok...and you billie...you probably gonna come, isn't it?" She mumbles with a tired and overwhelmed look on her face. "Sure!" She says confident, being aware of how hard she actually annoys Julia by behaving that way. She enjoys it really bad.