- "Oh, just shut up and smash your lips into mines, kinda like the bruised feeling you're leaving on them." She says placing her thumb on my lower lip, while touching my upper lip with her green, long nail.
- "Aren't they already full of unconventi...
"Billie..." I say kind of astonished making eye contact, immediately clearing my throat looking at the drinks in my hand.
"What...what are you doing here." I say trying to cover up the fact that I'm internally dieing. I missed her so much, I can't even explain it, but I can't get over it so easily.
I put the drinks down and put my hands on the bar, propping myself in my elbows trying to pretend like I'm the one in charge here, even tho is otherwise. There were literally 30 centimeters distance between our faces. Her eyes...just as beautiful as they were before
"I just got back home from the tour." she says. "Let's go talk outside. Do you have a minute?" she adds concerned. At first, I hesitated, even tho I didn't want to, but I have to keep myself away from her as much as possible. I've been through horrible times after the breakup.
Eventually, I accepted.
We make it to the parking lot, no one around, just a silent sound of music from the club along with the warm July wind and the crickets.
The same place she kissed me for the first time.
"So, what's up." I say trying to act indifferent. "Christine...i know you probably ha-" she says getting interrupted by me "I don't hate you, Billie. I never did" I say softly. She looks at me mimicking a weak smile. "I just wanna-" I cut her off hugging her.
I start to cry, I feel like I've been missing a lot, I missed her perfume like I never did miss something ever in my life before. Tear after tear, I could tell she was crying too.
"I missed you, Christine!" she says with her face buried in my shoulder, sniffing. She lets me go. "Please...I'm so sorry! I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of losing you. I gave you time those 3 months before I left, but it wasn't enough, I wanted to make it good again but it wasn't the moment and I had to leave for the tour." she says having my hands in hers looking me in the eyes with her teary eyes.
"I just-...want you to know that I'm sorry, even tho I'm aware of the fact that there would never be something between us again, I just want to have you by my side in some way. I thought about what I did and I'm incredibly sorry that it came to you that way. I'm sorry for everything we lost, it wasn't meant that way! Just please forgive me. I never begged for forgiveness before!" she says plainly.
I just look at her and remember about everything we had, but I guess it's fate, we're not made for each other.
But her lips I haven't kissed in so long, I'd die to have the power to kiss them again for the last time. Just one last time. But it's over!
"I get it, Billie. We can still be friends if you want to." I say. "Sure...thank you." she mumbles, giving me a last hug, leaving right away. I go back inside.
I had to think about it the entire night, I can't get over it. Of how honest she was as she explained it to me. Haven't felt it in a while. But how dare she coming back destroying my relationship once again. Megan is such a sweet and kind soul, she's everything I need. I eventually leave.
As I get home it's 8:30 AM. Megan is already at work. Billie is home, her car is in her driveway.
As I enter the front door I realize it was open, maybe it was Megan, forgetting to lock it.
I can't believe my eyes. There's Billie in the bedroom sitting at the end of it waiting for something.
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"Billie, what the fuck?" I say furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
"Hey, bestie!" she says facing me. Bestie? How that? "Bestie you say." I say ironically walking towards her tossing my keys on the kitchen counter. "You wanted it. By the way, I told your girlfriend that she doesn't need to worry about the groceries when she comes back home." she says confidently and seriously. "You meet Megan?" I ask surprised. "Yes, she's so cute, I get why you replaced me with her." she says smiling.
All that happens here is so ironic. ironic as fuck!
"By the way, come eat your breakfast." she says putting it on the table. "Why all of that, Billie?" I ask stunned. "I just wanna make up for the time I was gone. That's all, bestie." she says. I actually miss her calling me baby. "If you think so, ok." I say sitting down. She sits on the other side of the table. the one she always sit before.
"So, how much time off do you have?" I ask while taking a sip of my favorite tea, she didn't forget about it. Megan doesn't even know I like tea.
Jesus, not me comparing them again!
"3 months, but it's going to be much more I guess." she says. "Just a global pandemic could stop you!" I say laughing. "Yeah, right." she says laughing. This laugh, I missed it. I'm glad we're still friends.
"And for how long...have you been in this relationship?" she asks. "With Megan?" I ask taking a slide of tomato. "As far as I know she's the only one you've been with since I left. If you say there's more..." she says ironically. "No, there was just her." I say. There's a moment of silence occurring.
"Christine...why didn't you tell me you're in a relationship?" she asks getting seriously. "You didn't ask." I say. "How was I supposed to think about it?" she asks furrowing her eyebrows. "I don't know, Billie...I just... it's her because I couldn't get over you AND STILL CANT. Just everything about you, Billie. I missed you and I had to do something. After you left on the tour I felt so alone even tho I had people around me, you left, Billie, I didn't want you to leave, I just wanted you to be sorry...I thought you're gone forever, and even if you would come back, you would be in a serious relationship with somebody else. I didn't have any hope when it came to you. You get it, Billie? It doesn't mean you weren't important to me or that I SUDDENLY forgot about you... it's about the fact that I had to heal." I confess. She just looks at me.
I get up and go to the window, trying to get some air.
"I get it...I thought about it that way, but it hurts so fucking bad. You know?" I hear her saying while I open the window. "I had to do something because I need you back. I still love you, baby." she says.
As I hear that my pulse increases. "Baby?" I asked closing my eyes daydreaming about her without even wanting to. "Yes." she says. From a sudden I feel her behind me, her grabbing my waist, wrapping her hands around it. "I missed you." she says putting her jaw on my shoulder. She buries her face, especially nose in my neck. Her breath on my neck again. A many familiar things. So many memories coming right now. Deja vu.
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I turn around facing her. From a sudden, I feel her lips on mines. Those soft lips I missed more than ever. She puts her hands on my body. It's been almost two years since I last felt her lips or hands. I can't believe my senses.
"Even if you don't want me anymore, I wanna have you one last time, please, baby-." I cut her off by kissing her as wild as the day we did it for the first time at the motel when things were as complicated.
We kiss while taking off my jacket as well as she's taking her black shirt off. We have just our bras on as she pushes me on the coach "Fuck it, I missed that. I missed your body!" I say while taking off her black, leather pants. She just smirks.
