- "Oh, just shut up and smash your lips into mines, kinda like the bruised feeling you're leaving on them." She says placing her thumb on my lower lip, while touching my upper lip with her green, long nail.
- "Aren't they already full of unconventi...
I don't know how to react or what to say. I feel guilty now. Even guiltier than before. Mi looks at me in a sad way. Like she's sorry for me. She doesn't need to.
She hugs me.
"It's going to be fine. Just try to talk to her about all those things, if you'll keep going like that you're both going to destroy your lives." she says. I just sniff and look blankly. "There's the feeling i strongly have of wanting her back but at the same time i feel like never seeing her again." I say numbly.
"She doesn't care that much neither. For her...i mean, if she would care THAT MUCH as she pretends she does, she could have just called me, i wouldn't ignore it because i already miss THE HELL OUTTA HER! i miss her! I MISS HER TERRIBLY MUCH!" i add feeling like crying to death.
"I miss the way she used to call me baby...the way she sometimes sung me to sleep because she knew how much i love her voice and how safe i feel hearing it. The way she would hug me in bed from behind just for me to feel her warm and comfy body. The way she would care for me and my mental health, taking me to beautiful places all around this big town. Her falling in love for the view, opening up to me just like a book, making me fall in love with her. Telling me about her life and deepest secrets. The way we used to go to the beach almost every week, looking at the sunset, feeling the warm sea breeze and the hot summer wind. The way she would always make goofy faces or funny jokes whenever we were at her or my place, cooking or watching a movie, even at the club, where we used to flirt and live our best lives. The way she would hold me tight telling me how much she loves me and how from a sudden i've changed her entire perspective about life. I miss all the beautiful nights we had, with her making me love her more and more. Everything about her was so special. I miss her to death, but it's fine, i'm gonna get used to i-" i say smiling through the tears, "i just want her to be happy..." i say getting interrupted while looking at the floor. i got cut off by the front door opening. I look up. It's her...
My pulse intensifies, i get butterflies for no reason. she looks at me for a second having us making eye contact. Her blue eyes i could never forget. And the blonde hair...and the blue, jeans shirt. i feel like screaming. i'd kiss her right now and forget everything she ever did.
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"Hi...Christine." She says with a sad and guilty face. "Hi, Billie." I say looking at the floor right after. "I-, came to tell you, Mi, you left your car's headlights on." She says. "Oh, thanks." Mi says. "No problem. i'll-, go now." She adds. I look up, we made eye contact again, she looks so sad. "Take care, please...Christine." She adds on a terribly sad and calm voice then exits the door.
"You see?" Mi asks. "What?" I ask back. "She loves and misses you!" Mi says. "She didn't said that!" I say getting up. "Yeah, right." she adds coming after me. As mi opens the door Billie drove by, having Finneas and Katy with her. "Ah, by the way. She told me she'll leave Katy with Claudia, her brother's girlfriend." She says while walking to the car. "Why?" I ask walking towards her. "Because she's busy with the worldwide tour she's starting next week." She says. "I didn't knew anything about it." I say crossing my arms waiting for her to close the car.
It's pretty cold outside. 68 degrees isn't the warmest i had lately. I think it's just me. Mi doesn't seems to care about the weather. We go back inside.
After a 30 minute talk we finally go to the store and get the groceries. We take Mi's car.
As she parks the car i decide to go get the shopping basket so we don't have to wait for too long. I wait for her at the front door, we finally go inside.
"So, i don't have to buy too much, just an orange juice. Meet you at the cash register. Ok?" She says. "Fine." I add.
As i walk past the shelves i just remember her sad eyes. I would have hugged her right there, but how could i? I for real can't understand why she hid it from me for so long, having me lose the babies because i found out about it in the last couple of days of pregnancy.
Why would Elise want that? it's over between them two. Maybe she just wanted me to know the truth, but why tho? It's not her damn job. Anyhow, on the other side i'm glad she told me about it, Billie would have kept it a secret for the rest of our relationship for sure. I just can't imagine the trust i had for her and the trust issues i have right now because of her.
I just can't walk around this town, those shops and so on without thinking about her. Even the food in the damn supermarket, i see things she used to eat and remember moments where we just laughed about things. The way she would grab me from behind. The breath on my neck and her perfume. The soft touches of her acrylic nails. The moments i would SCREAM out of pleasure, because she's making me feel all so good. I didn't slept well for a while. I'm so tired. I'm destroyed and somehow traumatized.
—-
As i walk to the cash register i see her, standing there, putting her groceries from the side of the cash register. The food we used to buy. She just looks at me with a guilty feeling. I'm not even asking myself how is it possible for her to be here right now. I'm just happy she is. Maybe its the fate.
I hear Michelle from behind. "What are you looking at?" She asks me. "Look, she's here." i say. "Christine...that's not Billie. It's just a random girl." She says worried. "Let's hurry and go home. You need to rest!" She adds. I just nod in the numbness i'm finding myself in. I wish i'd have never left my parents home, never meet her and everyone else.
My phone vibrates. I look up just to see a text message. 'Julia'.
Maybe it's just a curse, me finding people by chance and losing them on purpose.
And now, thinking about it, i remember about that dream, when my grandpa told me "nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours".
I already made that mistake once. Approaching to someone and then making them feeling miserable, and then wanting them back. A thing that's never gonna die in me but won't be raised from death either. I was trying to really approach her, but i failed.
