Approaching Her - Billie Eilish

Chapter 17

"Why do you always wanna make yourself look good? No matter what, you're trying to be better!" Julia asks Billie very annoyed. "I don't! You're just way too dumb to think straight, and that's why i told you that at least i'm not trying to be something i'm not!" Billie says getting annoyed by her.

"Where does it exactly hurts, Chris?" She asks me worried. "My ankle." I say furrowing my eyebrows together, closing my eyes out of pain. "I don't have battery on my phone, do you have any?" Billie asks Julia. "I don't have my phone with me." Julia says. She seems so calm, like if nothing happened, i don't know if it's because of Billie or she just doesn't care.

"Try to move it if you can. But try to do it slow. It can hurt a lot!" She tells me worried. "I can move it, but it hurts really bad!" I say while showing her i can move my feet. "It's ok, just don't panic." She tells me. Even tho it gets darker, we are in the middle of nowhere and i have a, probably, spread ankle, i still feel safe as long billie is here even tho she's probably very unsure of the situation. I dont even know what to say about Julia.

"Do you have the map?" Billie asks Julia by getting up from my side. "Yes." Julia says. "Finally something you have!" Billie says ironically but annoyed. "Fuck off with this behavior! I don't think you really want Christine to know about your little secret!" She says exploding, challenging Billies nerves.

"Go ahead, tell her." Billie says on a very calm tone while checking the map. "you for real not worried about that. About your little secret no one knows or should know about because you're too ashamed?" She says with a astonished look on her face. "No." Billie says. "Wait, she already knows?" she asks surprised. "SHE ALREADY TASTED IT, YOU DUMBASS!" Billie can't control herself anymore and yells at her.

Julia just looks confused with a confused look on her face, as if she couldn't believe it. Billie puts her right hand on her forehead, slowly massaging it, realizing what she just said. "I-...i'm..." words come out of Julia's mouth but she can't build a properly sentence.

"That hurts..." Julia says. "I KNOW! YOU DID THE SAME SHIT TO ME, I DON'T REALLY WANTED TO DO IT, you REALLY think i didn't knew you were making out with that Elise? I found it out later. It hurt SO, but SO bad! I for real just wanted to become friends with Chris, but i FELT IN LOVE! Is that my fault? NO! And i didn't wanted to make you suffer by taking her away from you, but you know what? Blackmailing me is not a solution. I still had gorgeous moments with her and am about to have even more!" She says almost screaming ending up on a very calm and sad voice.

Julia looks shocked, trying to process all of those informations. I just look at both of them in confusion. I don't really know if that's what Billie actually wanted to say or not. There are a lot of consequences she's taking right now.

"But now let's forget about that for a second and focus on Chris's leg." Billie says trying to calm down. "Right..." Julia says looking like she saw a monster or something. "So, listen up, you take the map and go search for help or reach to the hotel and tell them about it. As Chris can't walk i'm gonna stay here with her. It's very important that you follow the map to not get lost again. Concentrate Julia! It's important, i don't want to rot here! What other supplies do you have in your bag?" Billie says ending up asking her.

"Yes...here ...you have." She says giving Billie her bag. "Ok. You understood what you have to do?" Billie asks her to be sure. "Yeah...i got it." She says and leaves. "Good, be careful tho!" She says as Julia leaves.

Billie comes toward me. "Oh baby, i'm so sorry for your leg." She says with a worried look, putting her hand on my left cheek, wiping the tears i had from the pain i feel. She slowly caresses it with her thumb and gives me a soft kiss on my lips. "Billie...you told her..." I say looking worried in her eyes. "Yes baby...i did." She says letting out a sigh, looking down, tears forming in her beautiful eyes. It probably reminded her a lot of shit from the past.

"But it's a good thing." I say putting my hand under her jaw, pushing it up. "It's a very good thing! Im proud of you." I say. She looks up at me for a second. She smiles and hugs me. "I needed that." She says with teary eyes, pushing me into a kiss.

"Fuck! My leg!" I say as she unconscious touches it. "Oh shit! Sorry babe!" She says laughing through her tears. "It's ok!" I say wiping her tears off with my thumb. "I love you, thank you!" She says giving me a honest look. "Whatever happens, just know i love you and i'll be by your side no matter what. Ok?" She says. "Yes Billie. You should know the same." I tell her.

She sits next to me. With the time it becomes very dark. "Let's sing something!" She says beginning to sing. Her voice is so good! "Oh my god! Billie! Your voice is so gorgeous!" I say surprised. I never heard her singing before. It is so calming and soft. "Thank you!" She says blushing.

"I sing just for fun, nothing serious." She says smiling. "You should definitely do something out of it as we go back to LA, you said your brother is a producer, let's do it'!" I tell her. "Thank you babe for supporting me. but i don't think so. maybe, just maybe i should think about it. But you're probably right, i just didn't had the right person to tell me this. Imma talk with him about it." She says asking for my hand, she holds it really thigh as if she's scared i'm gonna go, leaving her alone.

but to be serious right now, the only one that could leave now is her.

I'm so in love with her, i can't even explain. She lays her head on my shoulder. It's dark, i look at the sky, the first time i can see the stars properly, it is full moon. I suddenly see a falling star. It's said if you see one and wish for something, that wish is going to become true. "Babe, look, a falling star. I wish for you to never leave m-." Her snores cut me off. She's sleeping. It's very cold and it's probably very late. We're lucky Julia brought a blanket in her bag.

She's so cute sleeping. her hand holding mine and her head on my shoulder. I can't sleep, I'm just thinking about everything that happened in such a short time, why does time flies so fast? It all begun with me wanting to be free, and look what's going on in my life right now!

I do wanted to have memorable moments.

The only thing i keep thinking about, is how the near future is going to be. Is billie gonna be my girlfriend, does she want it? Am i good enough for her?

This though keeps showing up in my mind constantly, it's not her fault she's so beautiful, strong, charming, cute, soft, bad but good...just a perfect mix. I think of all of that while looking at her face.

The moonlight leaned directly on it. What if she's a angel in disguise? i look at her soft baby skin, her nose, lips...i smile at how lucky i feel to have her.

What if she's my soul mate? I could have moved everywhere else, i actually thought at first about moving to the other side of the country, to Canada, but i did choose to move here. To meet her and to live a real adventure lately. i'm so thankful for that. I just wanna keep her happy, as long as i can. She deserves it, definitely! I don't know everything she's been through but i do know it was tough and leaved some scars behind. Scars that are opening now, now that she felt in love again.

i'm tryina be more active, like be active again, i don't even know.

The thing is i can upload more on sundays.

last sunday i've uploaded 3 chapters, imma try next weekend to do it again but i think i'm gonna live a trauma as the doc comes out on friday (26.) i cantttt😭😭🤧✋🏻