- "Oh, just shut up and smash your lips into mines, kinda like the bruised feeling you're leaving on them." She says placing her thumb on my lower lip, while touching my upper lip with her green, long nail.
- "Aren't they already full of unconventi...
I feel like finding myself in a miserable deep depression. Three months got by, haven't seen her around for so long. She won't check on me. I just sometimes look over her Instagram account to check on her. She's all fine.
As i look out the window i see her coming together with Katy, she already learned to walk. It's so strange to know it's her daughter. I haven't seen them in a while. She was touring for 10 weeks. I saw on instagram that she took Katy with her.
Katy has a ice cream in her right hand and an apple in her left one. It looks like they were on a walk because Billie's car is in her driveway. She bands down to wipe the ice cream off her face. She plays around with her making obvious how much she loves Katy. She's sweet tho.
She wears sunglasses and a black bandanna so people won't recognize her. She also changed her hair style. A 80s cut, something more like curtain bangs and dyed it in a bleach blonde color.
she posted this one photo that got me in my feelings pretty hard.
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everybody simping over her body they haven't seen yet, and there's me missing her body.
It fits her, i feel nostalgic as i remember the time she asked me if it would give her a sexy vibe, it truly does. I won't say it, but i miss her. As far as i know, she's still single. I find myself in a deep melancholy feeling as she looked my way for a second then goes inside right after Katy.
She looks concerned and confused.
I finally can start working at the club again. I need to finance myself somehow. luckily i had some money i put in my bank account from the mini job i had when i was still in college but i have to go back to work, it's going to be better for my own mental health.
I go to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. As i open the fridge i realize i have nothing i would like to have. Maybe it's the perfect time to go get something. I should call Michelle and ask her if she would like to come with me.
"Hi, Mi." I say while placing my hand on the counter, propping myself. "Hiii." She says after picking up the call. "How are you doin'? You're free?" I ask. "Yes, i was watching something on Netflix, you know, Friday, boring life." She says chuckling. "I got it. Would you like to come get some groceries. I run out of food." i say on a calm voice. "Sure! Are you feeling better?" She asks concerned. "Yes, i just...saw her." I say. "She's back home? Did she say anything?" She asks calmly. "She is. No, she was just walking by. i saw her over the window. She was coming home from a walk." I say biting my little finger nail out of nervousness.
As i start walking through the house while talking to Mi i look out of boredom out of the window. She's outside, talking to the phone. But where's Katy?
After a couple of seconds there's Finneas coming outside with Katy in his arms. "Chris! Christine?!? Hello!" Mi yells at the phone. "What??" I ask irritated. "Are you fine!?" She asks confused and stressed. "I'm ju-...oh god. Sorry, Mi." I say in a relief voice while massaging my forehead.
"I need to forget her and i can't. IVE LITERALLY SPENT THE LAST TREE MONTHS CRYING MYSELF TO DEATH BECAUSE I COULDNT BELIEVE HOW EASY SHE GAVE UP ON ME LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!" I say almost yelling. "Stop, take a breath!" She says trying to calm me down. "I'm right in front of your place." She says. She hangs up.
As i look over the window i see her getting out her car and Billie looking at her. Billie takes of her sunglasses, going towards Mi hugging her. She acts so odd. Finneas shakes Mi's hand. He eventually goes to the car. Mi grabs Billie by her shoulders and tells her something, something more likely to motivate her i would say. I don't know what she's up to.
Billie finally goes away to her car, giving Mi one more hug. Michelle comes inside.
"What was that?" i ask looking at her in a suspicious way. "What do you mean?" she asks confused. "What was that hug? She never hugged you before." I say. "Chris! Don't tell me you think everything's so normal and fine for her. Just don't!" She says. "What do you mean? She gave up so easily." I say sitting on the living room sofa.
"You think? It was clear she didn't sleep for the last couple of weeks, dark circles under her eyes and the way she acts is so different. She felt like hugging someone, she looks like she's out of life. She's DESTROYED! You know what that means? DESTROYED!" She says very irritated while i look at her emotionless.
"She's...on the edge, Christine. She's not the type fighting for someone that they hurt... like almost everybody else would do. She just blames herself for everything." She adds on a calming voice.
"I don't care...it's her fault. She didn't had to hide it that entire time. She could have just said it, i would have understand it, i'm not a monster." I say not caring. "Would you?" She asks pushing her lips together looking worried of my behavior. "I-..." I say then put my face in my palms trying not to cry again. I'm so low.
She sits next to me and caresses my back slowly. "Christine, it's too much for both of you. And all this time having you separated, it's not ok. It's not Billies fault, it's Elise's fault. She wanted you to miscarriage those children, it was the best moment for her. why didn't she tell you earlier? she waited for the last days. the most sensitive ones." Mi says.
"Yeah, maybe. BUT WHY DID BILLIE HIDE IT FOR SO FUCKING LONG!?!" I say bursting into crying. "She had her reasons. But please...be careful, she suffers of many mental illness" Mi says. "I know. Anxiety, isn't that bad." i say looking at her then back at the floor playing with my hands. "That's all you know?" She asks. "Is there more?" i ask trying to control my tears.
She looks at me. "She also suffers of Post-Traumatic stress disorder. Which affects her sleep and not only that in those situations. She also suffers of Clinical depression, which had her wanting to kill herself many times before. On top of that eating disorder. Have you seen how much weight she lost? And more. Christine...it's not that easy." she says.
I look with a astonished look on her face. "Why ON EARTH WOULDNT SHE TELL ME ALL THOSE THINGS!" I say feeling like dying. "BECAUSE YOU NEVER ASKED, CHRISTINE!" she says yelling. "YOU COULD HAVE ASKED WHY SHE DID WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY,...LIKE... SO BAD. YOU COULD HAVE ASKED HER WHY SHE DID LIED TO YOU THAT SHES A VEGAN WHEN SHE ISNT, MAYBE BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO GIVE YOU A REASON FOR HER NOT EATING AND NOT FOR HER EATING DISORDER. YOU COULD HAVE ASKED HER, HOW DID SHE GOT SO EASILY OVER THE FACT THAT HER TWIN SISTER DIED BECAUSE OF SUICIDE. All of those things, Chris...you should have been more careful."
I feel stoned. She's right. That's true, i'm a monster!
ok, i don't really know how long imma continue with this book because i'm about to start a new one, but glad i have almost 8k reads soon😭💀
