I get so anxious that my body attacks me
When I get stressed out my mind does things that are wacky
Sometimes I dream of all the things I could do
If I'd been born normal and was wired more like you.
My mom gets concerned cause I don't socialize. I'm always behind other people who have real lives.
I wish that she could see the world through my eyes, But I've been describing it to deaf ears this whole time.
She doesn't understand why I have these fears, and niether do I, but they are still here.
My stomach hurts, my head spins, and my hands start to tingle, anytime that I am touched, hence why I'm still single.
I'm holding up, I'm carrying on, I've been trying so hard, but no matter how much I heal myself I'll never lose these scars.
The lines I've written, that I've memorized, they play behind my terrified eyes, and my brain is only silent when he's in between my thighs.
I wish I felt comfortable in a one piece bathing suit,
or that I didn't look quite as pale as I do,
I wish that I didn't overthink every single text,
and that I didn't wish that I texted less.
I hate that I flinch when my friends try to hug me,
I hate that my first response is fear when someone loves me.
My mind gets so anxious that my body attacks.
So I cover it in little lines that help me relax.
They say to push past it but it isn't that simple,
Because fighting my own mind is like fighting the devil.
And stop telling me I'm fucking faking It.
Do you know how much I wish I didn't always feel sick?
Do you know how much I wish I could present an idea to a crowd?
Or how much I wish I felt safe reaching out to friends for help ?
YOU ARE READING
Evolution Of Everything
PoetryA collection of poems, spoken word, and verbal processing. It's mostly here as a reminder for me of where I was and where I am, so that I never forget. Some of them are silly and fun, but most of them are deeply personal accounts of some of my harde...
