nice receive•haikyuu oneshots

sugawara koushi•neutral reader (angst)

Hello everybody, this was a request from @idkfujoshi  I hope you like it, sorry if it is not angsty enough.

The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants Until it is Broken

It wouldn't have been half as bad, if things had continued on the way they had been. You had a good thing going for you, you had a friend you adored, you got accepted into the university of your choice, and you even knew people in your department already. So why, why, did you have to open your mouth and ruin everything?

Well, naturally, it is due to the same thing that causes wars, erects monuments, destroys lives, and brings forth life: love.

•••

It was graduation, the most important part of adolescent life. From there on out, you had a different respect given to you. It was a trial you had passed, and had even enjoyed. High school was mediocre in your small town, but the people there were anything but. Maybe it was because you had no prior exposure, but the volleyball team, your school's newest draw, were some of the most interesting people you had ever met. Especially the seemingly well-mannered vice captain.

You were never in the same class as him, but you saw each other often. He was a nice guy who was pretty friendly with everybody. Yet when you actually got to know him, he was one of the most childish people you knew. It was okay though, you liked that about him. The duality of being kind and nurturing and funny, paired with the right attitude to reprimand or be serious when necessary, you liked it all.

The two of you weren't too close, but close enough to consider friends. Considering your different schedules, it was a miracle you ever managed to see one another at all. When you both got your letters from the university, you sat on the metal stairs by the clubrooms and opened each other's letters, holding your breaths before sighing with relief and congratulating the other.

His arms wrapped around you before he withdrew quickly, his face reddened. "I guess we will be seeing each other a lot more often now." He said a bit stiffly.

"Yes, I look forward to it, please take care of me in the future as well."

"Oh, you too." The atmosphere became awkward, but you were so over the moon about your acceptance letter that it was negligible.

Graduation came all too quickly, you couldn't even look forward to it before it arrived. When it came, you were excited. It was still chilly out as the two of you walked home. You lived close by, and if he had the time, he would walk back with you, even if it was a rare event. It made you feel special. Diplomas in hand, you stopped outside of your house.

"Sugawara-san." You smiled.

"I guess this is goodbye." He said, somewhat teasing.

"For now." You replied.

He gave you a hug and you reciprocated it, melting a bit. "I love you."

You hadn't meant to say it, it had just slipped out. You knew by the way his body went rigid and his arms fell that you had crossed a line you never should have.

•••

Now that you were in university, you could no longer avoid him. You hadn't gotten over it, but in your mind, Sugawara had changed. The fond memories from before were bitter and unravelled by your own actions. Sentimentalities had nothing on your coldness towards the subject.

You were early to the first lecture. If you had known he was going to be there, you would have switched your schedule. Unfortunately, since the two of you did not speak after that evening, you hadn't known his schedule. Still, all you had to do was stand your ground and make your way through the lecture. Somehow or another, it got worse. Instead of any of the empty seats he could have picked, Sugawara chose to sit next to you. Smiling with that angelic face as if nothing had happened. You turned your head away when he waved and pretended like something in your blank notebook was particularly interesting.

It continued like that until the lecture was over, and the one after that, and the one after that, until lunchtime came around and you finally had a break. "Hey, do you want to grab some lunch?" Sugawara asked, packing up his stuff.

You didn't respond, but you did, however, sling you bag over your arm and walk out past him.

"Wait up!" He panted, catching up to you in the hall, almost to the dining hall. You didn't even look at him. "You could have just said something."

You stood in the line for lunch, wordlessly, your mind going a mile a minute, trying to process the situation in a rational way. You could not think of one good reason why he would be approaching you like this after what had happened. You were so distracted, you ended up ordering food you were not particularly fond of, but you paid for it anyway and sat down at an empty table that only had one chair. Maybe he would get the message then.

There was the loud metallic scraping of chair legs on linoleum tile. It was so piercing that it cut through the din of excited freshmen chattering away about their first day. You did not look up from your tray but you could hear him pull the chair up and set his food down.

"Why are you following me?" You asked, finally breaking your silence. You pushed your food around on your plate, debating whether to eat it or throw it out. On one hand you had paid for it so it is better to eat it. On the other hand, you had no appetite, and especially not for the random array of foods on your tray was. Seriously, how did you end up with natto on your tray? Do most cafeterias even have natto?

"We are friends?" He said as if it were obvious.

"Sugawara-san, we are not friends." You finally looked up at him, shooting him a glare.

"You finally looked up at me, you sure got moody during the break."

You continued to watch the strings of natto as you picked up your chopsticks until they broke. You grimaced. "We are like this." You said.

"Huh?" He had a mouth full of food.

"They want to stick together, they seem to be attached, but if you pull for long enough", you let your arm rise until the strings began to snap, "the bond breaks." You set your utensils down. "There is only so much tension one can take."

"I don't understand?" He looked frustrated. "I thought you liked me?"

"I did. That does not mean we are friends now." Looking at him was painful, a dull ache racked your body, you felt like you were going to vomit. "We were friends, not anymore."

"Why not?" He asked, annoying you.

You glared at him again. "I don't know if that is an actual question or not."

"Just because you liked me before does not mean we can't be friends now." He said optimistically. "Besides, you are the only person I know here from home, it would be better if we could get along.

You stood up and gripped your tray. "I don't think I can be just friends with you, Sugawara-san. In fact, just talking with you right now is making me uncomfortable. There is nothing between us anymore, so just forget we were ever friends." You turned to walk away.

He gripped your arm to stop you from leaving. "Why can't we start over?" You shook your head and moved out of his grasp.

"Goodbye, Sugawara-san." And that was the last time he ever saw you.

great people of this cesspit, i implore you to read my other works that i have been posting. not just here but on ao3 as well (salty_mommy). i put a lot of time into my works. not that i don't enjoy one shots, but i figured people might also enjoy my other works while waiting for new chapters here. do with this information as you will. 

best regards, ava