Teach Me How To Love [mxmxm]

IV

[Jae Lim]

Cold. The cold air burns my throat and sandpaper grits against my throat as I swallow. My eyes can't adjust to the neverending darkness, even when I squint and search relentlessly for even a sliver of light.

Please. Don't tell me I'm back.

"Wake up." The haunting low voice resonated throughout the space. Chills run up my spine as a reflex. I knew that terrifying voice anywhere. "I take the time out of my day in order to train you and you go passing out? Have you learned nothing?"

"I'm sorry." My voice is trembling and I almost don't recognize the words as they tumble from my lips. Cold sweat breaks out on my palms and I wonder if this is a haunting reality or a taunting nightmare. "Please, I learned my lesson. I won't do it again."

"If only you had thought about that before you chose to disobey your teachings."

Light flashed before my eyes and I drank in the comforting light. Only, that comfort didn't last long as I found myself looking down at concrete floors that were stained with the dried dark red blood that once flowed through me. Even with my head as heavy as lead, it raised against my will, and there, before my eyes, stood the human reincarnation of the devil. There my father stood, tall and equipped with raw muscle despite his aging appearance. The small light from above casted harsh shadows that danced in the shallows of his face, painting harsh lines across his stone-cold expression. Even if he hadn't moved, I could anticipate what came next. My body trembled with no effort and my stomach turned as I stared at him, heart jumping up my throat as I willed the tears in my eyes to stay away.

In his hands, he gripped a belt. I had long become familiar with it.

"Please, dad." My wavering begging filled the room. I hated this. I hated the pain. Why wouldn't he listen to me? "Please, I won't do it again. I promise. I—I can—"

Sharp pain cutting across my cheek stopped my useless pleas.

"How dare you call me that?" He struck the belt down on my aching back that already bore the open wounds of his last bout of anger and displeasure. "You earn your right into this family when you have something worthy to bring to the table."

The belt came back down on my back and I cried out in pain, unable to beg him to stop through the tears that ran down my face and the sobs that were choked in my throat.

"Stop your pathetic crying and get up or the belt isn't the only thing you'll get today."

My breath hitched and I cried even harder. There was so much fear—so much fear in this thin quivering body.

I couldn't possibly be back here.

I escaped—I know I did.

I did it with my own hands. I made sure of it. I made sure they wouldn't find me again.

So how could I be right back where I began? In the beginning of an endless hell. Where a day alone meant a day of peace and the sound of the door creaking open proved to be the beginning of my nightmares.

"Get up. I won't tell you again."

If I didn't listen, he'd subject me to even worse. But when I tried to rise, my knees buckled and I crumbled back to the floor where I wish I could've laid until he finished punishing me. My breath caught in my throat and I whimpered quietly when I noticed the blood running down from my knees. Digging my nails into the palm of my hand, I did what I could only do best.