Reconstructing Amelia (unedited)

Chapter 57

December 5th, 2019

An hour later, the boys were still playing the game, laughing and grinning. Even with their occasional bickering, it didn't bother me. Xander had shown up about twenty minutes ago, and though he hardly spoke to me, he at least looked happy enough to be there.

I was glad Javi was getting along with them so well, but I couldn't help but feel guilty. He was going to be so heartbroken when I cut things off.

I hadn't really decided on anything yet, though my talk with Cato had definitely given me motivation to figure it out. It was getting tiresome, having to pretend all the time. Every move I made had them fussing over me, and I was starting to feel trapped. I felt bad enough as it was that I was turning their lives upside-down, I didn't want to complain too much, but it was suffocating.

I'd tried to make it clear I wasn't interested - like I'd told Cato - but it only seemed to have driven them closer. As if they could change my mind by proving themselves as family. I never asked for this, any of it. I had Javi, and he was enough. I didn't care how close of friends I was with these boys, they were gang members, they were dangerous. I wouldn't put myself into a life like that, I couldn't. Not for Javi.

I just hoped my friendship with them would be enough to keep us together. As much as I didn't want to live with them, Alan was one of my best friends. I didn't want to lose him forever.

I shifted my position, facing away from them and staring at the wall. I'd told myself I'd distance myself, but I think I was getting too attached - and that was terrifying. Opening up to them meant putting myself in a sea of vulnerability, and I knew that vulnerability only got you hurt. Look at where I was now. I'd opened up and made friends, and now my life was completely flipped. I couldn't go through that again, I don't think I'd survive. I couldn't put Javi through it either.

I let out a shaky breath, squeezing my eyes closed and willing myself not to cry. I could feel my body trembling ever-so-slightly, and I lied there in silence until tears slid down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away with my sweater sleeves so nobody would notice.

I curled up onto my side, resting my head in my arms. I felt sort of numb, like I was losing my grip on my life. Everything had become so messy, and I had absolutely no idea how to fix it.

*Neo*

"Hola," I said, appearing in the doorway to Mia's hospital room.

She smiled at me as Alan scowled. "What is he doing here?" he demanded sourly.

I figured they all still hated me, but I tried not to care. I was here for Mia, and that's all that mattered.

"He'd promised me he'd visit," she answered brightly.

I shot her a confused look but she'd already plastered a fake smile on her face. She was lying to them, but I couldn't figure out why. Yesterday, before she'd asked me to be there during her treatment, she'd told me everything about how she was feeling. She hadn't seemed too concerned about it at the time, but I wondered if something had happened to make her this uncomfortable with them.

I went over and sat on the bed with her as she sat up, lacing our fingers together. "How are you doing?" Mia shrugged lightly. "I'm okay," she answered, glancing over at her brothers warily. She leaned in close to me. "Do you want to take a walk?" she whispered quietly.

I nodded, deciding it would give us the chance to talk in private.

Mia quickly pushed back the blankets, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed.

Every single one of her brothers tensed. "Amelia Grace, what are you doing?" Cato questioned sternly. They all watched her get to her feet, leaning on me for support. She was dressed in a hospital gown, a red knit cardigan, and fuzzy socks. Her long brown hair fell in waves down her shoulders, framing her face and her sparkling green eyes. But despite her beauty, she still looked sick. And the fact that she was unsteady on her feet made me nervous, as I assumed her brothers were too. They were all frowning, practically preparing to jump out of their seats and strap her to the bed.