Reconstructing Amelia (unedited)

Chapter 78

December 18th, 2019

I stepped out into my bedroom, finally remembering about the letter in my pocket. I stared at it in utter disgust before burying it in one of my dresser drawers, wishing I could just forget about it completely.

I slipped out onto my balcony, the chilly winter wind stinging against my skin. I involuntarily started to shiver and wrapped my arms around myself, my sweatshirt sleeves taut.

Guilt was eating away at my mind despite how much I was trying to justify being upset. I tried to remind myself that they hadn't done everything just to spite me, but they'd still done it and lied about it, and it didn't make me feel any better.

A tear slipped down my cheek, and then another and another until I couldn't stop.

"Hey, don't cry," Xander said from behind me, shutting the doors as he stepped out with me.

I quickly wiped my eyes and turned around to face him. "I wasn't,"

Xander cracked a small smile. "There's no need to lie, Amelia, I promise I'm not judging you,"

"Is it wrong for me to be mad?" I asked, my eyes blurry with tears.

"Absolutely not, you have every right to be upset," he assured me. "What they did was not okay, not anymore. We all made a promise to you and they broke it,"

I nodded blankly. "Is it my fault?"

His face fell. "No, Amelia, no, of course not. Having you in our lives is the greatest thing—I wouldn't give it up for anything. I, I really don't know why the boys are. I do know that Cato is yelling at them right now, very very angrily," He chuckled but it quickly subsided. "They didn't mean to hurt you, they're just being stupid. I'm sure they'll come around,"

"Maybe," I murmured uneasily, and Xander seemed to notice.

"I want you to answer a question for me, okay? And I need you to be honest," He was gazing at me intently. "Do you feel safe here?"

My breath caught in my throat.

His eyes were searching mine, trying to find the answer he knew I wasn't giving.

"I don't know," I mumbled finally, casting my gaze to the floor.

Xander just sighed and pulled me into a gentle hug. "I'm sorry,"

It fell quiet for a moment, the two of us just existing. "I've seen them," I whispered. "Doing everything; the drugs, the weapons, and now the fighting," I tapered off with a bitter shake of my head. "And I've told Eli a thousand times not to smoke because it reminds me of all the marks from Marcie, and-"

"What marks?" interrupted Xander, who now looked panicked.

"You didn't see at the warehouse?" I asked quietly, biting my lip.

He shook his head. "None of us really looked for very long. It was pretty hard to watch," His eyes drifted over me. "Can I look?:

I blinked. "You . . . want to see my scars?" I gave him a quizzical glance.

Xander nodded. "If you don't mind?"

"Okay," I whispered. "I trust you," I slowly turned around, involuntarily holding my breath.

He lifted up the back of my sweatshirt, his hands trembling, and I shivered as he gently traced his fingers over a few. "Marcie," he started quietly. "She did all this?"

I stepped away and yanked my shirt back down before he could get a second chance to look. "Not all of it," I answered. "Just the cigarette burns,"

"Fuck, I'm so sorry this happened to you," Xander cried, engulfing me in another hug, his arms tight around me. "I'm gonna kill Eli, that little shit,"

"Xander, it's okay," I told quickly.

He frowned. "No, Amelia, it's not. None of it is. They shouldn't be doing those things regardless of the promise, but especially not when it threatens our relationship with you,"

"I've only been here for five days. I really don't want to make things worse," I said.

"They are the ones making things worse!" Xander shouted. "This isn't your fault, okay? None of it. The boys made stupid-ass decisions without thinking of the consequences. They hurt you, Amelia, otherwise, you wouldn't be out here crying. And now you don't trust them,"

Another tear slid down my cheek and I hugged him harder. "I hate that I don't trust them," I admitted. "Things were supposed to be different, but now . . . . What am I supposed to do about Javi? To keep him safe?"

"I think we should worry about you being safe," Xander said softly.

I glanced up at him with teary eyes. "I don't feel safe here," I mumbled, giving him what he really wanted to hear me say.

His hand stroked the back of my head as he pulled me closer. "I know," He held me for a while as we stood in silence for a few more moments. "We'll work on it, okay?" I promise we'll fix this," He gently wiped my cheeks dry with his thumb, flashing me a gentle smile.

"Okay," I answered with a nod.

Xander opened the balcony doors and we stepped back inside my room, and I gratefully welcomed the warmth.

"You should get to bed," Xander told me, heading for the hall. "You've got somewhere to be tomorrow and you're looking a little pale. We'll deal with this later, okay?"

I nodded shyly, managing a smile. "Goodnight Xander,"

He left and closed the door after him, leaving me alone again.

I climbed into bed, the night's toll finally hitting me. I was exhausted and my head was aching, but I couldn't sleep. I could hear all the yelling from downstairs and it was making me anxious. And as much as Xander had assured me it wasn't my fault, I still felt like I should go down there and just say everything was fine.