Porcelain : Levi x Reader (Royal AU)

E i g h t : Self Destruction

The next two weeks pass by in a blur. You continue to have nightmares, some mornings you wake up with a pounding headache and feeling as if you haven't slept a wink, and other mornings Levi is the one frantically shaking you awake, finally silencing your screams or choked sobs.

Although you and Levi hadn't had an argument, the air between you two was slightly awkward as you both came to terms with your feelings. For you, you had accepted that you liked your guard the day Zeke had shifted your entire mood with that one sentence. The jealousy you had, the way your heart had felt like it had been entirely ripped out of your chest every time you looked at him and imagined him kissing another woman, making love to another woman the thoughts drove you insane. You were sure the nightmares weren't the only reason why you fell into restless sleep every night.

For Levi, it pained him to see you as you were. It was the worst he had ever seen you before. You hardly cracked jokes or even talked to him. You couldn't make witty comebacks at Zeke when he made snarky comments as he passed you two in the hallway, you just laid in bed and stared at the ceiling all day or sometimes for a change of scenery looked over the railing of your balcony. Levi wasn't the only one who had noticed, Historia had started to visit you more often and he would watch as you assured her that you were ok, a convincing smile on your lips. But as soon as the doors closed behind her your face fell and you retreated back to your covers.

He didn't know what to do besides relieving your night guard of his duties earlier and earlier so that he would be the one to watch you through the night. He didn't know what else to do besides to stroke your hair and try and comfort you as you cried your heart out in your sleep. This had all started because of Zeke and the more times you guys bumped into him in the hallway the more Levi could no longer stand to look at his face at mealtimes without wanting to punch that disgusting grin off his face. The more he stood watching you sleep imagining that he was lying beside you, and the more he came to terms that he had never felt about anyone how he felt about you. He didn't want to put the term love on it, he didn't think he was capable of that. After all he had seen, after all he had done, the feeling of love was not something that he could comprehend. But he felt a deep sense of admiration for you, a longing to hold you, to lay with you, kiss you, to be the only who you would call when you were in trouble.

He didn't want to feel those things and instead of sleeping he would try and pinpoint exactly where those feelings came from. He had finally come to the conclusion that it was simply because he had spent so much time with you. He was around you every single day for practically two months, watching you, laughing with you, talking to you, it was only natural that he would start to develop feelings, but he wondered why that had never occurred with the other women in his life. In fact, the longer he stayed with many women the more he nitpicked everything they did, the more he felt annoyed at their presence for just breathing wrong, he could have never been with a woman for longer than a few months. So he knew that perhaps it would be next month or the one after that where his silly little obsession would be done and he could finally get back to just seeing you as the royal he had to guard. But until then he had to admit, as his feelings grew stronger every day, he was fucked.

Levi sighs, as you're nose deep into another volume of the Naruto manga you had loved so much. You had reread most of the volumes again and he had surmised that it was probably your comfort series.

"What is it about?" He attempts to make conversation with you just as he had done several times over the last few weeks. You would usually respond in short phrases and then blow him off.

"A ninja." You respond without even bothering to stop your flow of reading.

"A ninja that does what?" He continues to press for more information.