Loki, my darling

VI

A few nights after he had settled in, Thor had to return to the Asgardians, to help rebuild the kingdom and stuff. Before going he pulled me to the side, "Will you keep an eye on Loki for me? You are one of the only people here who he hasn't betrayed, others will have a hard time believing anything he says, but sometimes he needs someone to talk to, someone, who won't judge.." "I know what you mean," I replied, "I'll do my best to be there for him, go take care of Asgard. Oh and please do tell them about me at some point, even though I haven't really had many good experiences with them, they are still somehow my people too," "Of course I will, Cass. They'll love you. That's a promise. Take care!" he gave me a hug "You too, uNcLe!" I said jokingly "Hey! Even Point Break is better than that!" "Fine, fine, bye-bye then, Point Break," He rolled his eyes and waved me goodbye while flying away with the force of his hammer leading him. I then went back inside.

Most of the team was hanging around in the living room, watching a cheesy series or something on TV, I didn't really pay attention and went to grab an ice cream from the kitchen instead. With an ice cream tube and a spoon I then returned to my room, it was getting a bit late anyway and I wasn't really feeling it. I felt the bad thoughts being triggered by Thor's leaving even though I knew he had stuff to do and wasn't leaving to abandon me. There was just nothing I could do about it, they washed over me like a tsunami, all the memories of being left, lied to, imprisoned, thrown aside, and the fears of it happening all over again. Tears started streaming down my face as I sat on the floor next to my big window, watched the sun leave and the darkness of night take over, all while stuffing my face with cookie-dough ice cream. When I finished eating, it was already all dark, so I decided there would be nothing else to do other than going to sleep. I had horrible nightmares that night and woke up bawling my eyes out just a few hours after having fallen asleep. I had to let some of the hurting out somehow so I gave in to the thoughts and dragged myself to the bathroom, got out the razor blade that had touched my skin already too many times, and made a few cuts, then a few more, and then just watched them bleed, salty water running down my face the same way the blood was running down my arm.

The next morning, or rather noon, when I finally got out of bed, I tried my best to look as put together as I could, even did my makeup to hide my dark circles and redness the crying had caused. I didn't feel like eating so I went straight to the living room. Nat, Steve, and Bucky were watching something on the TV and Loki was reading in the corner. "Where's everyone else?" I asked, instead of a morning greeting or something else. "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead" replied Cap. Nat then answered my question "Tony went for a "weekend away" with Pepper, Wanda wanted to show Vision her hometown so they flew off too, Strange's still in NYC, you know about Thor... yeah I think that's everyone. The boring rule-obsessed dudes are all gone!" That's a way to put it, I thought to myself and replied with "Hey, I guess we should celebrate that then!" which probably came off a bit less enthusiastic than it should've. Nobody seemed to notice that though, instead both Nat and Bucky jumped up and said in perfect harmony "Yes!". They were the party animals of the Avengers after all. What had I done!? Well, there was no going back now, but at least there would be alcohol, I thought to myself. Even though in human years I would not be of drinking age yet, officially I was still about a thousand years old, so nobody could forbid me a drink. "Okay, that's settled then, what do y'all wanna do?" I asked. "OOh, we should have a big house party!" replied Bucky, "and invite everyone we know!" added Nat. That wasn't a good idea, but before I could say anything Cap already did "No, absolutely not. First of all, this is a SECRET place, so no guests, second of all, I promised Tony we wouldn't make a mess, and finally, we have Loki here, who is not yet trustworthy and also still needs time to, you know, settle in and stuff." He had good reasonings, both Nat and Buc seemed to realize he was right. I however looked at Loki, who seemed to be a bit sad about being pushed out and not accepted, not believed. I saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes when he looked up from the book and out the window. "Maybe we should have a games night then? Just the five of us. Including Loki, he's an Avenger now after all," I suggested, waiting for one of the two wild souls to suggest drinking games, which Nat, in a moment, did. Steve had no good reasons to say no now. I looked at Loki, who looked at me for a second, and mothed "thank you", then went back to reading. I smiled. "That's settled then. But I just woke up, and I think we should still all dress up as if it was a party, we don't really dress up often, do we?" After Nat quickly agreed and supported that idea, so did everyone else and we agreed on the games' party to start here in the living room at 6 pm. Nat was to bring the drinks and Buc and me to bring or make up some games. I then went back to my room to get myself ready.