Loki, my darling

XII

A few days rolled by with me and Loki sneaking a kiss before bed or sneaking out at night together, making sure we wouldn't return at the same time in case someone was awake. I was running out of reasons to not go past kissing, and I don't just mean the reasons I was telling Loki but also the excuses I was telling myself. I felt my feelings grow with each day, come more clear and even, surprisingly, more comprehensible. I was more and more sure of what I wanted, which was new to me, because up until now I had only had things I needed, like food or a roof over my head, but now there was something, or I guess someone, I wanted. Him.

It was just post-dinner and I had told everyone I was "tired" and "went to bed". I actually was still full of energy, and had texted Loki to come and "check on me before bed". I smiled to myself while sending the text, butterflies flying round after round in my stomach when thinking about him coming and kissing me, holding me close. I then quickly jumped to my closet, to change into something else before he'd arrive, as I was sure he'd be climbing the stairs seconds after getting the text. And so he was, I barely managed to get changed before he walked in. "So, ready for bed, darling?" he said with a chuckle. He then picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Or is there anything else you want to do before?" There was. "Actually, there is," I said in a bit more serious voice, "I kinda want to talk about some stuff.." Oh god that was as scary to say out loud as it was in my head. But I knew I had to get some things off of my chest, because while daily makeout sessions were fun I knew he wanted more. And so did I. But I needed to get these things off my chest first. "Well then, let's talk," he walked us over to the bed and sat down with his back against my headboard and me still in his lap. I adjusted my position a bit, to be more comfortable and then looked into his eyes. I opened my mouth but the words didn't want to form into sentences anymore, "I... I... well... there's.." I struggled. "Hey, I am here, Cass, you don't have to be afraid of talking to me," "Well I..," deep breaths, Cass "Maybe you have noticed that every time you have made a move to go further than, you know, kissing, I have found a reason not to, and it's partly because I haven't been ready to, you know, move that fast, but also, while this kind of stuff might not be new to you, over the hundreds of years I haven't had anyone. So umm, you were my first kiss, and are probably going to be my firs..umm, my first.." "Time?" he said, in a soft voice, while softly stroking my hands, which were placed on his chest. "..yeah, and I just.., I... I don't really know what to do, and... I.." I turned my face to look down, I was ready for him to be disappointed or mad or something like that. If not for any other reason, then for not having told him. "Hey, hey, look at me," he guided my gaze back to his with his hands, "I don't care. I wouldn't care if you didn't wanna do it at all, like ever, because I care about you and I want to do whatever makes you happy at the speed you're comfortable with. I want you near me no matter what. And I am not great with words and feelings and stuff either, I too haven't really had that much experience actually, but that just makes me want to be careful with you, even more so. I want to make sure I do everything right and don't screw up like I usually do.." "You don't usually screw up and you just proved it. And you proved it to me already when I was little and you weren't scared of me like everyone else," I smiled at him, being melted by the same green-blue eyes sweetly returning the smile, my home's eyes. He raised one his hand to my cheek, still stroking my hand with the other. "Thank you," he said, "and back on the topic of our moving pace, I literally would be happy with sitting like this and staring into those gorgeous eyes of yours for the rest of the eternity," I gasped, because I knew exactly what he meant with that. And that meant that my eyes spoke to him the same way his spoke to mine, that he saw my soul through them just like I saw his. I was looking for words to react to that, but before I could find any he continued "I mean it, Cass, so whenever I am doing something you're not comfortable with tell me to stop, the last thing I wanna do is cause you discomfort or hurt you.." He looked serious and even a bit sad saying that, as if he was terrified of the idea of hurting me. At that moment it hit me. I was no longer scared of going forward, moreover, I felt the wish to have him touch my every cell, to make me his. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him onto a deep passionate kiss, which I could feel came kind of as a shock to him. When we ran out of air I brought my lips near his ear instead and whispered "I don't want to wait any longer, Loki. Show me all the mischief you have." I could feel a bump in his pants forming under me as I pulled away to look at him. He had a lot of confusion going on there - desire, surprise, worry, and so on. "Are you sure?" he asked, "because I really meant what I said and if any part of you is not ready.." "I am ready. Actually not just ready, I have a blazing fire in every atom I'm made of, needing it to be put out by you and I just.." I didn't even make it to the end of my sentence before he flipped me over with a smooth move, leaving him now on top of me. He pulled off my shirt, traced his way up and down my torso with his fingers, then his lips. I was already gasping for air, eager to just have more of him. I pulled off his shirt, I think I might've torn it by accident, but I didn't care. It was my turn to draw lines on his chest with my hands. When he pulled off my pants I got scared for a second as I remembered my scars. How would he react? Would he be mad I hadn't told him about those? There was a moment of silence as his gaze took in the sight of then, but then, instead of doing anything my brain tried to convince me he would, he lowered his lips to them, kissing each scar one by one. That's what it felt like at least. The game of unwrapping each other continued, until it was just us. With nothing to hide, both bare, both burning from the heat we felt towards each other. "Friday," I said towards the clock on my nightstand between gasping as Loki was kissing my neck, "lock my door." "Door locked, miss Cassandra." the voice said. I then slid my hand into Loki's hair and guided his face to meet mine. The green-blue eyes were so pure, I wish I could've kissed those too... "Are you sure you're ready for going even further? We can stop here you know," he said silently, softly, I think it was the sexiest sound I had ever heard. "Do you want to stop?" I asked instead of answering, I was now afraid he didn't like what was beneath the clothes and was only asking me if I wanted to stop because he did. "If you don't like what you're seeing now that the clothes are gone we can stop, I understand, I am not the most.." He rolled his eyes and gave me a quick kiss to stop the sentence right there. "Yes you are. I think you are perfect, gorgeous, sexy as fuck, and... yeah, you literally make me speechless," he said, "that's not what I meant by asking. I just want to make sure we're not going any further than you are comfortable with. I don't want you to feel like you have to be ready for something just because I am." "I am ready, I want you Loki, all of you, every little part, I.." I stopped right there, realizing the meaning of the words that were about to leave my mouth. I knew I was ready to say them, but I wasn't sure if he was ready to hear them yet, so instead I said "just kiss me already, and then make me yours," He nodded and pushed his mouth onto mine. Then he made me his and he became mine, he did it slowly but it still hurt at first and I flinched. He looked worried, started to pull away, but I wrapped my hands around his face and shook my head, signaling him to go on. "Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded, "Yeah," I said with a silent but certain tone. And so he did, with the pace growing the hurt was quickly replaced by pleasure. I was his. He was mine. We were all there was. The world, at that moment, was revolving around us.