Loki, my darling

X

I was lying there, wrapped in Loki's arms, expecting for it to calm me, but it was freaking me out. I suddenly realized I hadn't been breathing since he removed my hair from my face and I gasped for air. I pulled myself away, wheezing from the lack of oxygen my body hadn't been expecting. I opened my eyes that had been closed, to reconnect with reality, try to bring my body to calm down by focusing on what was around me, only to find Loki's worried eyes staring at me. "Are you okay? Did I do something? I didn't mean to.." he was stumbling with getting words out of his mouth. "No, it's not you, or I mean I guess it might be you but it's not your fault.." I tried to explain as my body was slowly getting back to normal. Or my normal, I guess, I have no idea what the actual normal would have to feel like. "I... I... My body acted weird, I guess it wasn't ready for the hug and... I also forgot to breathe and... it hasn't happened before... I don't know, I mean, I didn't mean to.., I'm sorry.." I tried to explain, struggling to find words as I myself had still no grasp on what had happened. "No, don't apologize, from what it sounds like it wasn't something you meant to happen either," "Nope," I said, lying down and staring at the ceiling. "Do you want me to go away or do you want me to stay?" asked Loki, looking over me, out the window. "Stay," I said before I could even think about what to answer. I just liked it with him close, I felt it somehow, my logic couldn't make sense of it - logical would be the opposite decision, considering his touch caused explosions under my skin and made me feel all weird and dizzy. But somehow I liked that. Yes, it was overwhelming, but it was also soft and warm and just... magical? Enjoyable? I couldn't understand what was happening to me and I both hated and loved it. It was intriguing, exciting but also extremely terrifying. And so I laid there, staring at the ceiling, trying to make my breathing go back to normal, it was quite reluctant to do so. Loki laid down next to me, directing his gaze too to the ceiling. The white boring ceiling with nothing to look at. And so I turned myself to look at him instead. He seemed to have just decided to do the same, and so our eyes met. Those were the EXACT eyes this little mesmerized boy had had hundreds of years ago. The exact same awe, interest, captivating and pure... I didn't recognize exactly what the captivating pure part was. The x-factor? It definitely seemed to keep my eyes glued to his though. It felt like the world had stopped around us like there was some powerful spell being cast. Maybe there was. Suddenly his eyes moved away from mine, just a bit down. I then realized what he was looking at, what was happening, what all those feelings were, but I wasn't sure I was ready to have them or furthermore - deal with them. So I forced my gaze away from him and turned to face the window on my other side. It was getting lighter outside, the sun would rise soon. I liked sunrises, they were always like a new beginning. A chance to start over, a reason to pull myself together. And so I decided to do just that, pushing down those feelings and looking back at Loki. His eyes were now a bit different too. "Wanna go watch the sunrise?" I asked him. I really wanted to see the sunrise and I felt like I needed some fresh air, to get out of this room, to look up and see something else than a plain white ceiling. "If you want to I'm in," he replied and got up. I then rolled myself out of bed and walked out the door with him right behind me. I didn't even bother changing out of my PJ-s, I felt the need for fresh cold morning air growing in me. I started almost running, I just wanted out, and then I was. Standing barefoot on the grass next to the building, staring up to the endless sky and feeling the outdoors' air wash my lungs. I stretched out my arms and let the first rays of sunlight shine on every part of me. I just stood like that for a minute, then started to spin myself around, smiling. It was a weird happy feeling, but indeed happy. Really happy. I stopped when I got dizzy, you know, from all this spinning I had been doing. I found myself facing Loki, who was standing by the wall, looking at me, a calm smile decorating his beautiful face. "Seems like you're fine now, with no harm done, wasn't so hard was it?" he said, "Should I go now, it doesn't look like you need me now?" "Sure, if you want to," I said, staring into those, again familiar, green eyes. "Do you want me to?" he asked. "Do you want me to want you to?" I replied, raising a brow. "Do you want me to want you to want me to... wait what?" he said, having confused both me and himself with trying to get that question right. We both burst out laughing. I turned myself back to the sun and sat down on the dew-wet grass, then I looked back over my shoulder at Loki, to see if he would come too. He did. He sat down next to me and looked at the rising sun. "Sunrises are beautiful," he stated, then looked at me "but I think you are much more beautiful, Cass" I gasped, feeling my breathing fall out of rhythm and the explosions start again. But I didn't care about that anymore. I stared in those green-blue eyes that felt more like home than anything else ever had, they were moving closer and kept looking down at my lips. "May I?" said the soft low voice that made me shiver. Or was it the cold morning air? I found myself nodding and closing my eyes. His lips brushed against mine, soft at first, then making me feel every cell in my body. I slid my hands behind his neck and in his hair as the kiss grew more passionate. I was running out of air, but I didn't want it to stop. He pulled away instead, leaving both of us wanting more but also gasping for air, which was thankfully easy to find. Our foreheads were resting together for a moment longer before the distance between us grew again and my hands slid back to my lap. But before they made it there, his hands grabbed mine and his eyes again met mine. I could tell he was looking for the right words so I waited patiently for him to find them, and so he did. "Cass, I like you... I really REALLY like you, you are making me feel things I've never felt before, giving me all those new feelings, it's almost like I belong close to you, if that makes any sense," he started "I know, and it does, make sense I mean, I... I... I have those too, the feelings, the rushes, the forgetting to breathe, I just.." I just didn't know if I was ready to act on them, at least not as fast as he could expect me to - that's what I wanted to say, but I was afraid he'd be disappointed and we'd lose this, so I didn't. Instead, I fell silent and hid those thoughts into the back of my head, so they wouldn't show in my eyes that were still staring into his. And I guess they didn't, because instead of asking anything he re-closed the gap between us.