Loki, my darling

XXVI

The next few weeks flew by as I made sure to enjoy it as much as I could. I could feel the war machinery and things being brought to the other side of my wall, the energy of the stone wasn't hard to track. I hadn't told Loki about it, I knew that my walls wouldn't last for long and that once they'd get weak I would have to leave so that he could be safe. I would never let him be in danger because of me. Not again. And if he knew about that plan of mine he would try to convince me to not do it, so I didn't tell him about any of it. I wanted to enjoy the time we had left together.

And then one night when we were on our way from the beach to the house an armed drone found its way through the wall. I felt it and managed to stop it before it got near us, but I knew that this was our last night now. I held Loki's hand and tried to remember its warmth, have it coded into my memory so that I would never forget what it's like to be close to him. I think he could sense something was wrong, but he assumed it's my usual - the past traumas, overwhelming thoughts, stuff like that. He picked me up and kissed me, "Let me get that stuff off your mind," he said, as he carried me in the door and straight to our bed. "I would like that," I said and made the wind shut the door behind us. And so he made his way all over my body, me trying to carve every touch of his onto my brain so that they would never end, and so deep that nobody could ever make me forget. I traced his body, making sure I would remember everything, every scar, every wrinkle, every birthmark... I wished we could just stay like this forever, but I needed him to be safe. That was more important.

He soon fell asleep, but I didn't. I had to go before he would wake up because I would never be able to say goodbye face to face. And he would probably try to stop me, which would mean I'd have to fight him and I was not up to that.

I carefully slipped out of bed, making sure I didn't wake him. He looked so peaceful, calm, and absolutely stunning. My Loki. I resisted the urge to kiss him just one more time and went to the kitchen so that I could write him a letter. I was not capable of telling to his face where I was going and why, but I was also not just going to disappear. There were things he had to know, promises I had to ask him to make. And so I took a pen and started writing down the letter which was going to break both my heart and his.

Loki my darling,

There are some things I haven't told you over the past weeks, the things that led to me now having to leave you. It wasn't safe here anymore, not with me, I am easy to track because of the stone and the government had their machinery behind my walls already two days after I brought us here. My walls kept getting weaker and weaker and even if we went somewhere else they'd always find us. You'd always be in danger. Because of me. I already lost you once, and you already saved me once, I can't have that happen again, it's now time for me to sacrifice myself for your safety. So I'll go with them, I'll make them promise that you won't be touched when they get me. That'll be the "on one condition" of mine and they'll take it as it's just me they want anyway.

Remember how when we were on this empty field, the one where I was unable to touch you, and you made me promise I'd never cause any harm to myself? I need you to promise the same to me now. It's only fair. Before I go I'll give the part of your soul that has been living in me back to you too, the stone can help me with that. That way even if something happens to me you will still be whole. You can still keep the part of my soul you have though, it was never really mine anyway, it was always yours. I was always meant to be yours.

When Thor told you you'd always be the god of mischief but you could be more he was right. (I saw that memory during the press conference too if you're wondering.) And now you will be more because I will no longer be able to protect mankind so I need you to do it for me. You are now also the god of protection. And to me, you'll always be the god of love too. See, you are already so much more than just the god of mischief.

One more thing, no matter what they do to me they won't get the stone, because even if they kill me the stone dies with me, so I won't put anyone in danger by going. Therefore you are not allowed to come after me and put yourself in danger with that. I forbid you to do it. It's not up to discussion.

I love you more than anything and I will never forget you. I do hope you can forget me and move on though, you deserve peace, safety, and love and although I can give you love I can't give you the other two. You deserve all three.

I'll be yours forever and always, maybe we'll meet again one day...

Goodbye, my love,

Cass

Once I finished writing the paper had already been stained with some of my tears. I wished it didn't have to go like that, but it was the only way. I sneaked back to the bedroom and placed the paper onto my pillow so that he'd find it when he woke up. I then closed my eyes and focused, I pushed the part of him living in me out and sent it back to him. That hurt like hell but I'd go through much worse for him. I looked at him, sleeping with no clue of what I was doing, one last time before I left the house. I walked down the path we had already walked in together. Tears were running down my cheeks as I thought back to the past weeks, these had been the best weeks of my life, but they were over now. When I made it to the beach I walked on, I walked on water, it was easy with my powers. I walked straight through my wall, which I was going to keep up for him for as long as I could, and found myself surrounded by armed drones, boats, and soldiers, all ready to shoot me. "I am here to surrender myself, you'll be able to do whatever you want with me," I stated loudly, "on one condition.."