That's just life

29.

Sasha's P. O. V.

My chest hurt. 

It throbbed. Like hell. 

My palms got sweaty. My forehead started burning.

My face flushed, I started shivering.

I could hear the door to my room thudding open and feet rushing to me.

I started zoning out. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open.

The sounds I was hearing,felt like they were co if from far away, from a distorted radio...

The flowers on the walls.....

Pretty.

The rest of the shades, all blurring together to form fluffy clouds. Maybe I can touch them....

All of it went black.

* * *

2 days ago

"Why do you always have to bring it up, Sash? Why d'you always keep frowning when u think no one's noticing? Cant you at least try to have fun?"

"Ava, calm down. It's not her fault."

"You shut up Alex. Don't pretend like you don't feel it too. I've seen you look so down when u see her cry. When we're all cracking up but she isn't. I don't know Sasha, but it feels like I'm losing my best friend before she's actually gone."

My gut clenched.

"Ava enough. That's all. Do you hear yourself?"

"N-no, she's....let her say it." I mumbled.

Ava's eyes narrowed, lining up with tears. 

I could only watch as they made their way down her cheeks, leaving silver trails for other silver beads to follow, her lips wobbling.

She clenched her fists, her arms stiff at her sides, shoulders hunched up.

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to know that I might lose you? I might never see you again? All these memories we made, for absolutely nothing? That...that maybe you'll be so far gone that I can never ever hug you again? Laugh with you? Bitch about other people with you? Have sleepovers after school with you?"

Another stab.

But she kept going.

"Do you realise that we might as well break apart if you-...that we might loose every single thing  we hold dear if we lose you? What about me, Sash? What about Rey? Trish? Cole? What about Alex?"

She was hysterical now. No stopping her. Or the tears. Both mine and hers.

"Ava do you hear yourself? Stop already. It's not her fault and you know it. Stop being such a bitch to her. She's hurt too. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Audrey screamed out the last bit. 

Screamed.

I'd never seen her lose her shit to Ava. Or any of us.

 Ava didn't back down. 

I wanted to speak, tell them to stop, but I couldn't. I opened my mouth but the words got stuck. 

My palms got sweaty. The walls started closing in. 

I needed air. I needed to breathe.

I managed to stumble to the balcony and push open the door.

The cold air hit me. 

I took in a long breath and closed my eyes.

They were still screaming.

I could no longer make out the words.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from the behind.

Alex.

He kept his chin on my shoulder.

I leaned back into his warmth.

We stayed that way for a while, not speaking a word, just comforting each other, while the screaming continued.

"Ava is right. It's all my fault. If I d- if I'm gone, you guys are gonna...." I trailed off.

"Sasha, you don't have to worry about us. Yeah, we'll miss you, but....we're gonna be okay. I promise. We're all gonna try, for you. And Ava....she's just confused. She doesn't know what to feel right now. She loves you. A lot. We all do, and it's hard for us. But don't blame yourself. Don't you see? None of us left. We're all here for you. Because, even if hurt is the only way to stay with you, we don't mind. Not one bit. Because we love you. And we always will. We could've left, wanting to avoid this pain, but did we? No. That's gotta mean something. Trust us a bit, Sash. And it's gonna be okay." 

I nodded, desperately wishing that he was right.

* * *