Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

81. WE CAN MAKE IT IF WE TRY

Billie POV

It's been a while since I've had Jordan on the phone and it's all because of me.

The day I decided to go meet up with a guy that I barely know was the day I ultimately fucked up. I mean yeah, he kissed me but that doesn't make it better. I still feel like I am betraying her... I mean I am, right? I didn't say a single word about what happened at his house.

Even when she asked me about it I still refused to tell the truth. I lied my way through and used my mainstream pretexts. Stuff like 'I am just tired' and 'The press is being annoying'.

What is wrong with me? I am not the kind of person who does brainless things behind a partners back, but I still did it because I thought showing everyone that I am 'mature' and 'old enough' would make 'em believe I can think and act for myself without getting in trouble.

But I was wrong and now I am in this weird not-talking stage with my beloved girlfriend who is back in LA wondering why her girl isn't once taking time off work to have a simple conversation with her. Jordan has given up on spamming me one week after ignoring her. Rightly.

Tears rush down my face just thinking about her all worried in her bed, waiting for my name to pop up on her screen.

I've said it before and I will say it again. She doesn't deserve me.

With puffy eyes and soaked skin I finally decide to make a move on this whole chaos and grab my phone. Today's the day I'm going to talk to her and break the silence that's built up between us.

Jordan POV

I have no idea what's going on... like, at all.

My dad's health status hasn't changed and neither has the 'what-feels-like-is-a-break' thing Billie and I have going on.

An entire week ago was when I told her about me accidentally eavesdropping and since then our mouthes have been shut and I've been overthinking every little move she makes.

Have I done anything wrong? Probably.

Is she just tired and exhausted? Also Probably.

I am literally stuck.

But since she is the one acting all weird, I am not gonna be the one of us to reach out first. Nuh uh. I have tried hard enough to get her attention.

Walking down the long staircase and heading to the big marble kitchen, I try taking my mind off of everything and enjoy the morning while curling up in a blanket on the couch.

I grab a water and do exactly that.

An hour or so passes by and I hear the sound of keys jiggling coming from the front door.

Pamela is home.

"Hey, you!" She calls out with an obvious good mood.

"Hi." I simply say, turning my focus back to the TV where some random Anime is playing.

I miss Billie. So fucking much. And as if it wasn't already hard enough, she's ignoring me.

I just need a hug from her and everything would be better. No time wasting with random Netflix Content. I want her to waste my time. All of it.

"Hey, Darling... what are you doing?" Pamela asks, suddenly appearing next to me and sitting down on the couch.

"Just killing time."

"And how are you?" She softly asks.

"I'm good." I say, not wanting to get into it. She has enough things to worry about and I don't want to be another add up on her list.