Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

34. STOP CRYING NOW

Billie POV

Of course. I am performing and she is not here. I should have known. I can't see her anywhere, especially not when everyone is jumping.

"We fall apart as it gets dark, I'm in your arms in central park. There's nothing you could do or say." I take a deep breath.
"I can't escape the way, i love you." Tears start to flow and the people start to scream even louder.

"I don't want to, but i love you." I relate to this line more than to any other.
"Ouuuh." I sit down on the edge of the stage, right in front if everyone and lay my head in my hands after I put the mic down.

I don't really care what they will think but I just need to catch myself right now. Jordan is all I want and she acts like I am not there. Why? She knows that I love her more than anything else in the world. How is that not enough? She gets everything she wants but she still forgets about me when she kisses some weird guy that came out of nowhere. Maybe she really is sorry but how do I know she's not lying to me? I need to talk to her but I don't want to get hurt again.

The people start to cheer and I know the song is over, leaving me with only the outro.

I don't want to just leave like last time. I know that was mean and due to the fact that I came late to the show today, I want to make it up to my fans.

I walk down the little stairs on the side of the stage and look at all the excited faces. These people are the reason I am alive... mostly. I stick my hand out and touch everyone along the way. I walk all the way over to the other end, making sure I stroke everyones hand. Some are even crying and that gets me everytime all over again.

I go back up on stage and sit down on the edge again, taking one last look at everyone's faces. And then I see her. Jordan in the middle of the crowd, not too far back. A smile creeps on my face and I see her grinning at me with blushy cheeks. I forget about everything around and just sit there, looking at her. The people are already looking around confused, trying to find what I am focussing on.

"Billie! Come on, we're done here." Finneas drags me up.

"Bro. I am having a moment right now." I say annoyed and teary, standing up though.

I give him a quick hug.

"Thanks for bringing me here." I whisper into his neck.

"You brought us here in the first place. You did that."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."
"But there's one that needs your love more than I do right now." He pulls away, looking at me with each of his hands on the sides of my face.

"Yeah.. I know." I look to the ground and we both leave the stage, feeling loved and overwhelmed at the same time.

Jordan POV

Billie's show ended and I am about to cry. I love her, dude. I just do.

Now the only thing I need to do is leave this sea of people. I just came to see Billie. As I push my way through everyone, I never lose my smile.

I make it out and a man comes running to me. This is creepy.

"Hey! Wait! I'm one of Billie's staff's and she told me to come get you." He says.

Wait what?

"Uhm, okay. How did you find me, though?" I ask as I follow him closer to the backstage.

"She showed me where you were and I waited till you came out of the crowd." The guy smiles at me as we finally reach our source.
"Okay, get on." He points to a golf cart.

I do as he told and sit on the back, waiting impatiently to know where he is bringing me since I just could've walked back 'home'.

He drives back to where the tour bus is parked and stops.

"Okay, here we are. Billie is waiting inside the bus." He turns around to me, smiling.

I step out of the cart and walk over to the bus. We are going to be driving back since Coachella weekend is only two days and Finneas and Billie performed twice. They wanted to pack everything today and then see how long they wanna stay or where else they want to go.

I am about to knock on the door when suddenly, it swings open, Billie standing there with an apologetic smile on her perfectly shaped lips.

"Hi." She says cutely.

"Hi, Bil."

"Come in." Billie steps aside and I walk up the stairs, stepping inside the bus.

"Why did he bring me here?" I ask, sitting down on the sofa.

"Because your girlfriend is Billie Eilish and you don't gotta walk all the way..." She chuckles ironically, sitting down across from me.
"And.. I am sorry for everything we're going through right now." Billie looks down at her hands, taking mine is hers hesitantly.

"You didn't do anything. It's all my fault, baby." I say softly, placing my other hand on top of hers.
"I- What made you wanna talk to me all of a sudden? I am an asshole."

"Stop. You're not. Well... kinda. I love you though so what else should I be doing?" She smiles.

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."
"I love you too." I tell her, looking up from her lips, back to her eyes and straight back down.

"Yeah, I- I just really love you too much not to forgive you. I need you, Jordan. I just do and I don't want to but I can't help it." I say with my eyes closed but my heart wide open, waiting for her to step back in.

Jordan leans over to me, leaving a tiny bit of space left between our lips.
I open my arms and she accepts my hug, wrapping her hands around my body securely.

"My heart didn't want to kiss this motherfucker but my mind decided to. For whatever reason... and for that, I'm sorry." Jordan whispers into my neck. Little, silent sobs echoing trough the room.

"Stop crying now and kiss me." I back up and grab her face, pulling her in and pressing my lips hard against hers.

I could have lost her just a day ago and now it feels like nothing's ever happened.
Love really does make blind.