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This'll may be triggering so read at your own risk. I won't go into detail, but it will hint at it. Hope it's okay.
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Y/n knew what she was doing was wrong. But, she couldn't help it. It relieved the pain that she felt, and made it focus on that one spot. But, Y/n knew it wouldn't last long, knowing she'd have to do it over and over just to get the pain away from her.
Looking down at the angry red line, Y/n wrapped gauze around it, before wrapping a bandage around it. Thankfully, it was still winter weather, so she could get away with hiding the bandages. But knew that once it warmed up, people would know, and make fun of her or call her out for wanting attention. Good thing she was good at covering up her scars.
Her cell on the bathroom counter started to buzz, but she ignored it. Instead, stared at her girlfriend's smiling face from years ago. It's from a time when she didn't care about what the rapper's fans, friends, or family members saud about her. But, now that's changed, which caused her to push the woman she loves most away. Distanced herself from the woman she wants to marry. All because she wasn't the type of person Nicki usually dated. And they were right, Nicki did have a type, and Y/n most definitely wasn't her type.
When the buzzing finally stopped, Y/n looked at herself through the mirror and sighed. She looked horrible. Sick if she wanted to be honest with herself. Tired too. Hardly ate or slept. Mostly stayed up at night thinking. Thinking of what she could do to make everyone love her, but it was impossible to do.
Her phone lit up, showing Nicki sent a message, but Y/n would simply mark it as read, not even looking to see what it said. Y/n honestly doesn't know why Nicki is still putting up with her anymore. If Y/n was in Nicki's position, she would've broken up with herself months ago, getting rid of the burden that was weighing the rapper down.
Grabbing her phone, Y/n walked towards the bedroom and crawled into bed, sliding her cell under the pillow, before slowly drifting of too sleep, hoping the day would be over soon.
***
The crowd was rowdy. Screaming and yelling, excited that she was there and they were in the presence of the greatest woman rapper. However, Nicki's mind was elsewhere. The rapper knew something was wrong with her girlfriend, but, she didn't know what. She had asked her friends to see if they could find out, but they all said the same thing. That she was fine.
But, it wasn't until later, during an interlude, did she realize who was making Y/n feel that way. A dancer had grabbed her a bit too roughly, but it was when she called him out for it, and said that he better watch out for her girlfriend, did her fans start to laugh. It earned a weird look from Nicki, not knowing why they were laughing. And when she asked, someone yelled out Y/n was too weak to do anything. Which, yes, was true, but they didn't know Y/n like Nicki did. However, when some guy shouted out that Nicki needed a real guy to show her what she was missing, Nicki laughed and said a real guy needed to be taller than him. However, she wasn't expecting the replies from them about how wrong Y/n was for her, and she was shocked to see how mean they were.
"You know, I don't do this for you guys, I'm up here for me, to do what I love most. And for y'all to disrespect my girlfriend, the woman who I leave all this for, is ridiculous. She has done nothing wrong to get any of this hate. She is the most kindest and sweetest woman ever and if anything, I don't deserve her. It doesn't matter if she isn't my type. Y'all may think I have a type, but I don't. If y'all were my real fans, you actually see that." Nicki shook her head, ignoring the calls from the fans as she headed backstage, cutting the concert short. She needed to get to Y/n. That's all that was on her mind. Y/n.
She ignored her friends that followed her to the dressing room, not believing they were saying. To ignore what they were saying about Y/n and go back out there. But, how can she ignore them when what they said was rude. So, she ignored them, telling her security guard to get the car ready.
"If y'all are agreeing with them, then fuck off." She tells them before stepping into the car and shutting the door.
Once she's back at the hotel, she immediately heads over to the elevator and calls it down, as she calls her girlfriend's cell phone, but like earlier, there's no answer. It slightly scares her, but knows Y/n could very possibly be sleeping, and once in her room, she breathes a sigh of relieve when she sees Y/n in bed, cuddled in, clutching a pillow.
The rapper walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge as she runs her fingers through her girlfriend's hair. Sadly, it wakes her in the process, but they do need to talk, now, rather than later.
"Tell me the truth. Do my friend and fans give you hate?" Nicki asks softly, watching as her girlfriend freezes, before stiffly nodding. "My family too?" Tears well in Y/n's eyes as she nods. Nicki tears up as well, not knowing how she didn't know this before. Grabbing Y/n's wrist, she tries to pull her girlfriend towards her, but Y/n gives a whimper of pain and pulls her arm away, cradling it towards her chest.
"What-what happened? Did someone hurt you?" Nicki tries to gently grab her girlfriend's arm, but Y/n keeps it away from her, shaking her head. "Y/n, please... what happened?" Nicki pleads softly. A sob escapes Y/n's lips, crawling into her girlfriend's lap as she cries against her shoulder. Nicki lets Y/n cry, merely holding her close, gently rubbing her back to let her know it was okay.
It takes a while before Y/n's sobs quiet down, but Nicki is content with holding her close. But, after they move themselves into a more comfortable position, Y/n pushes her sleeve up, revealing the bandage. Nicki already knows what it is, merely taking her arm and kissing it.
The rapper apologizes about it all, about not know, but Y/n merely shakes her head and said it wasn't her fault. "Let's move away. I have a house in Italy. Let's live there." The rapper says softly. Y/n nods, loving the idea, but knowing they won't actually move there. "I promise to make this better. I love you, Y/n. I swear I do."
Y/n gives a small smile. "I know, I love you too, Nicki." The two women lay there for a while. Nicki figuring out a way to fix everything while Y/n merely enjoys the feeling of feeling the stress lift off her shoulders. It'll take time, but Y/n knows everything will be okay.
