𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐲'𝐬 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞

34 | 𝑃𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑃𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑠

There were the five main things that I liked about Sullivan when I was ten and I wrote them all in my diary. Guaranteed, there were only twenty-five pages written about Sullivan, I was obsessed with him, but the commitment of writing more than twenty pages was tiring.

Hairrrrr (DUH)

EYES! I could get lost in.

Abalicious!!!

Good in math (can help me)

Good kisser (I just know it.)

P.S Bonus → make him your first kiss goal #1

What would little Azariah say now?

I sighed, driving a hand through my hair and observed Moose. His eyes were in two opposing directions and he had a napkin by his feet to prevent the drool of saliva landing on my blankets.

"Can you believe this?" I asked, pivoting the book to show him. "And would you believe that he had a failing math grade by his bedside. Not just one," I noted, sighing again.

I looked over to the pizza rolls my mom left, but I wasn't hungry. I lost my appetite and suddenly wished that I had gone home with Victor; he would've taken care of me drunk. I was so drunk. I wouldn't have done it--I hoped I wouldn't have done it drunk.

"Let's just be thankful," I told Moose, "that I didn't lose my virginity." I turned the pages and saw the five things that Kayla wrote about Victor, they were the same, 'hair, eyes, bad boy, abs, protective.'

He had all of those qualities, but I was beginning to fix things in my head, fix a lot of things. As I turned the page, I saw my eleven year old self add, 'I'm bad at commitment, but I'm back.' Then I read over the note that I hadn't touched since I was probably eleven.

Dear diary!

May 16, 2012

Sullivan will be my first... everything. He is perfect, and I know he would take care of me. We'd be at his house! Or a hotel--or prom night!! Oh my God, if he was to take me to prom!! How exciting! I can't wait. I would wear the prettiest dress and he would make the night beautiful. He'll kiss me and dance with me all night. We would be perfect, maybe he would take a drive with me and we'd blast music!! He would hug me in front of the moon. I know it. It's cliche, but it's perfect :) <3

I was stupid. I felt so pathetic. I threw my body backwards, slamming the notebook into my chest. I'd told Jay and he wanted to comfort me, but I brushed it off. I didn't want to see anyone. Instead, I was holding my closed diary to my ribs in the confinement of my arms as warm tears slipped from my tightly sealed eyelids. The suds of tears were compact in my eyes, and I wouldn't have opened them, I wasn't planning on it for a while, but a wet tongue licked up my cheek, and collected the salty taste.

I shifted over and saw Moose. His eyes weren't looking at me, but for the first time, I saw him walk in circles then lay his head on the crook of my neck.

"Aww, Moose." I patted his head and slid my fingers down his spine. "I love you. You're perfect."

After laying like that for a while, he maneuvered to the pizza rolls and I let him. Then I stood, situating the book down on my comforters and walking to my headboard in the way of the door. Flashbacks of when Sullivan came over one night after working on our presentation folded into memory. That evening, I let him up in my room for a split second without my mom knowing.

"That's a little stupid, don't you think?" he asked that day. He didn't like the obnoxious headboard facing the door.

So I will change it.