Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter sixty-six: Black church experience

Rajiv's pov

After two weeks of not being able to keep anything down, for the amount of alcohol I had consumed, I decided to get help.

I did it to see Isa and the kids mostly, as I still was not in that phase where I truly wanted to get better for myself, but that is also a starting point I guess.

The kids would facetime with me every night and afternoon, sometimes I would fail to pick up the phone, struggling with my thoughts and demons.

In those times my aunt would drag me, to church, my family and I had always been active Christians, eventually it served as a reason for my parents to rebuke me.

Within, the loud group of people and music and worship, and shouts, the constant voices of my demons quieted down, I felt right again, God made no mistake.

"...ci manchi" (we miss you) Ezra said while digging his finger in his nostrils, for the second time, he did not talk much, not as much as his sister, he said what he wanted, when he needed it, so hearing him say that, meant he must've really wanted my presence, after saying that he left, as Adaline made use of the rest of the call.

Isa's pov

As someone's foot made way on my stomach, again, I knew it was morning, I sat up, and there sitting with her hair let down and her crossed legs was Adaline, reading a book, "Buongiorno" (Good morning), she lit up, as she noticed me, she than made her way to me, "Ho fatto sogno bellissimo..." (I dreamed something beautiful) She started, Adaline loved to talk, which made me laugh for non apparent reason.

"Let's get ready for church" I lead lending her my hand to jump off the bed.

My experience of church, in Italy was not one of the best, the (in)famous Catholic church, was simply not my thing, the fact that the Bible could only be read and interpreted by an ecclesiastical figure, and the fact that we would always repeat certain sentences, the fact that itself it viewed the Christian as sinner, even though it was acknowledged that God had sacrificed his only Begotten Son for us and much more.

Unlike me and my siblings my mother and her sisters had experienced, the black church, I call it like this, because it is different, because is deep, because is passionate, because it will leave you warm, shaking and sweating for all that matters.

It was a whole different world, the people, the sermon, the feelings, the music, the warmth of it. I felt like I had been starving for something I didn't even know.

Everyone put their best outfit, full make up, dazzling earrings, rings, shoes bracelet and more, plus the fanciest wigs, or hairstyles.

It hugged me and said "welcome home"

"You look extra good" I commented as I finished dressing up Ezra, he turned around letting me check him out, and appreciate his outfit properly, "Grazie" (Thank you) he grinned.

Despite not having experienced the black church form the very beginning, we knew how, we knew exactly how extra, exactly how elegant, and exactly how speechless we would always leave our fellows Caucasian Christians.

In our mind it was a special day during which you dress, in a specific elegant unusual outfit, that will itself say "I'm going to church today".

After church we went to eat out, my aunt and uncle went directly home, while I took the kids to the park, as they were playing, Ezra came sitting down on my lap, in silence.

I tickled his neck with kisses, making him squirm and giggle, "Chi è che vuole mangiare le lasagne?" (Who wants to eat lasagne?) I asked picking up Ezra, whose eyes enlightened hearing that word, "Io!" (ME) Adaline yelled across the slide.

The following day, we left for home, leaving my aunt and uncle's home as they had aged was something that bothered me, but then I would think about the whole staff, and children they had around them, and thought me leaving to be okay.

I went inside, luckily Adaline was able to sleepwalk inside the house, while Ezra had me carrying him, as he enjoyed his sleep. I then took out the luggage, and went inside, I undressed Adaline so that she wouldn't be uncomfortable while sleeping, the same for Ezra and fell asleep on the couch.

I was awoken by the artificial light of the living room, bothering my eyes with their brightness. "Isa, you are back" exhaled a rough looking Rajiv, he embraced me in a tight hug.

I retracted from contact, I did not like to be bothered when asleep, not by lights, nor by human touch.

Ezra creeped out from a corner of the room, holding his blanket, whining for some sort of comfort. He went straight to Rajiv, to be picked up, Rajiv did so before he could even realize so.

To grant Ezra his wish, we slept in my room, Rajiv joined us in the bed, since Ezra wouldn't let go of his arm, I instead had the task to pat him, until he was fully asleep.

"Thank you" Rajiv mouthed still too ashamed to look at me in the eyes, I was angry for having to take such step, for him to get himself together, at the end of the day, I, too suffered from a minor form of separation anxiety.

Once Ezra was out, I put him in his bed, as I was coming back from his room, Rajiv's arms took a hold of my body, I instinctively raised my hand to slap him. He stood in his position, his hands around me, "Hit me, I deserve it".

"Can't we just stay like this, for a few minutes?" His scent, was making me lose focus, and the way every single cell in my body wanted to be touched by his did not help at all.

I had missed him as well, my body had missed him, that had so easily found comfort in his embrace, 'why? Was I to find comfort in the same embrace that had chocked me' 'it was not hatred or anger what I did feel, but sadness, it was deep and masked by many excuses I had failed to recognise it'.

Rajiv hand now rested on my neck, pulling me, sustaining me as his lips reached for mines, 'Remember?' they asked 'We do' mines responded to the kiss. They wanted more, they demanded so, they had lost the clumsiness and insecurity of the first time, becoming more and more bold and greedy.

His bearded skin, gently scratched my face, his thumb rhythmically caressed my cheek nonetheless we did not stop, nor air, nor water was necessary as that instant.