Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter fifty-seven: Let us be good again

Isa's pov

It felt good clarifying everything, to prevent further misunderstanding, after being done with it I felt like noting couldn't stop me anymore and I loved.

"How did it go?" Rajiv's eyes scanned my expression nervous, "I said what I had to say" "And then..." "They argued of course" "so..." "Nothing I said my piece and let them disagree" I summaries proud of myself. "Wow" "That's right".

Rajiv engulfed me in a hug, "I was so tempted to come with you... But you did good on your own" he whispered sighing in relief, I hadn't realized so until then, I craved to be weak: having to be strong for most of my life had become a burden I didn't recognize, so when he said that he was going to come with me if need be made me realize I, too could be weak and rely on someone else.

Once home I changed myself, and Rajiv prepared some snacks for the kids, as he sliced some apples I silently stole some, "Hey! Those are for the kids" "Sorry, I am starving", that why I prepared this for you, Rajiv took out a tray of nachos, "I used vegan cheese of course" he notified me "I love it, thank you" I said taking the tray out of his hands. Never ever I had met someone who was both Italian and vegan, and I was certainly not about to be the first, I was intolerant o anything that contained cheese made out of Italy, that was all.

Once he was done he joined me as I watched one of my favourite Argentinian TV series called 'Teen Angeles', but instead of watching it he just looked at me the whole time, "Stop" I finally said after twenty minutes, "Sorry, I just-. This feels surreal" "What are you referring to?" He tickled my cheek with his hand, "Being able to be with you" I kept silence, "Can I hug you? Or you are too hot?" He asked me: I hated being touched, but especially whenever I was tired, distressed, or hot.

I smiled facing him, "You may" I gave him permission, Rajiv hugged his body to mine, inhaling my scent, "I have been waiting a long time for this" he revealed, "Why did you hesitate?" "I was scared, you had seen my worst, I wondered if I was being selfish, I didn't want to get hurt" he admitted not letting go.

I then leaned in to his face hesitantly looking for the pleasure of his lips, he soon satisfied my desire closing the gap between us, it was a peck, then it was a 'middle school don't know what to do with my hands' kiss, which then became a 'I can't control myself' kiss, Rajiv hands holding my face steady, my hands rested on his neck.

The explosion inside me felt good, I wanted more I wanted that tingling effect to expand through my whole body, took a brake from the kiss to catch my breath, I wanted him, in more than one simple carnal way, I wanted him, like the earth aches to be wet by raindrops after weeks of sun, I wanted him, like Apollo wanted the sun, ready to accept it even though it meant his death. I wanted him, and that alone drove me crazy.

We laughed looking at each other's faces, I then took a glance at the clock and realised it was late, already, so I took a shower and got dressed to go and pick up the kids, on our way to the school, Rajiv questioned me about things he didn't know about me, but was extremely curious about.

"If you could do one thing in your life without worrying about anything else what would it be?" "Traveling" "What are you scared of?" "Sharks, mice, snakes" "How many children would you like to have?" "A dozen would be perfect" Rajiv looked at me surprised, "Really?" " Yes" " That's a lot of kids" "I know" "Will I get to be the father of some of those?" He questioned "I don't know what is your sperm count?" I joked, Rajiv choked on his water looking me with a serious look, "You're serious?!!!" "no" "Ho-, I mean why, you didn't- with Aaron" "It was different, it wasn't planned, I didn't know him well enough, he didn't love me, when he got drunk he always tried to sleep with me, when you get drunk, you want to cuddle, and for me to take care of you"

Before we had realized we had reached our destination, Adaline cane running to me as soon as she got out, "Mamma!" she let me pick her up and give her kisses, "Can I have one too? "Rajiv took her bag pack and put her in the car "Dammene uno tu" (You give me one) Adaline sassed exposing her cheek.

After picking up Ezra, we went back home, got everyone fed and put Ezra down for a nap, Rajiv had to leave for his shift, he had tried to change it but failing to do so, he had managed to have the morning free. Adaline was in her room playing with her dolls, "I have to go now" Rajiv lingered around me, all showered and dressed up for work, our eyes met as we faced each others, I hugged him, he felt cosy, the unusual cosiness I had only felt hugging my brother, "Non lasciarmi andare" (don't let me go) he said with the wrong accent.

As soon as those words left his lips his face got red, "Did you search how to say that on internet?" a smile grew on my lips so big and I didn't exactly know why, "Did I say that wrong?" "no" i concealed the truth, "I.." "What? was that too cheesy?" he doubted himself, "Are you real?" "I am very much so, yeah" "Can I have you?" "I've been yours for a long time" he murmured kissing my temple, which had the same effect on me as pouring alcohol on a fire. We were suddenly interrupted by my brother's voice, "go, or you will be late".

Rajiv's pov

I had been dreaming for me and Isa to be a couple before I could even realize it, so everything just felt surreal.

While Isa was putting down Ezra for his nap, Adaline showed me the drawing of her family, she drew at school, "This is mamma, me, you and Ezra" she pointed, "That's beautiful, well done" I complimented her, I would have never ever imagined being a father to Adaline, just like I thought not to be fit to be with Isa, but the more I dwelt in such close reality, the more I wanted it. Legally speaking, was something to happen to Isa, she had assigned me to be the temporary legal guardian of her children, but I now wanted more, I wanted to be father of my best friend's children.

While showering I started traveling with my imagination, seeing me and Isa, married , parents of 3 children, raising them together, my aunt who had always wanted me to have children, would've loved it. Most important of all, there would be nothing else in the entire universe I could have wished for. Isa is love, she is my home, and shelter.

Wanting to express myself in a way she could my sincerity, I looked up online different ways to say "I love you" and when I found the right one I searched the Italian translation, let's just say that she had reacted to it so surprised and delighted that I may as well learn the whole language for her.

She had just gotten out of her shell and little by little she showed me her love language, which was mostly saying "Ti voglio bene" in a shy, nonchalant way, discreetly waiting for me to say it back, or intently staring at my expression while I ate the food she had cooked.

I truly believed that in relationships we could all have clean or amicable break ups, and hoped the same for Isa, I had learnt that matters regarding the heart were often bound to end up into something , that as we age we are taught not to call tragedies, because there was no bloodshed, because it was kept secret, because people don't survive them. It was like being the only survivor to have witnessed one of the greatest fall in human history, and yet when you overcome something that almost destroyed you, and you are asked to bring testimony you are like "Fuck, no", despite that we human beings defined as social animals, we decide to go through it, to date again, to face the monster who almost swallowed us whole, to face, and meet people who may end up leaving our heart in pieces, to make us lose faith.

For that and for all messed up things we all experience my wish is that after all we may be good again, not only good enough to get up in the morning, but also to smile , to laugh wholeheartedly.