Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter nine: Dating, and marriage

Aaron's pov

As I was growing up I never thought about dating, or even marriage. In my teens I was popular among women, but after I started studying medicine my social life consisted in talking on the phone with my family.

Since I became a doctor women fight each other for me, so I kinda took advantage of that to make it up for the time I haven't slept around. My family, on the other hand keeps pressuring me to find a good girl and stop fooling around.

As weeks went on it was getting more difficult to have a chat with Isa, I wanted to talk to her, to see her smile, to know her story but I couldn't and it was driving me nuts.

" So what do you think I should do?" I asked to my 18 years old sister.

Lalita was actually my stepsister, she was the living result of my father affair with an Indian woman, during one of his work trips. My dad brought her home when she was one year old and her mother died.

"I don't know, just because I am a girl doesn't mean I get her, you will need to know her story, to approach her" shouted annoyed. "She said she want us to be friends" I complained, confused usually women would have done anything to get me to be theirs, but Isa didn't even seem interested in male sex.

" Then you should find a way to make her change her mind..." suggested Lalita. "Ok, thanks" I said hanging up.

Isa's pov

Let see if I can break it all down, for you to understand: I lived in Italy most of my family, and my family's ethnicity being African, I indeed had to overcome culture clashing. In African household, or at least traditional ones, you don't leave your parents' house till marriage, or so I have been told, in Italy is pretty much the same except that at times changed people moved in together and had children without getting married first... For me it would have been like calling for a mass murder, dramatic you think, ask someone of African descendant older than 60. Anyway, let's get into the dating part: as per African counterpart, there is no dating allowed before 20s or 30s even, and in lots of cases, even then the family might have already arranged someone for you to date briefly (if so) or directly marry. In Italy most people are socially encouraged to date since young, but no premarital intercourse tough, says the Catholic church (big input source for most of Italian people's traditions), despite that people still go and disobey these "rules", of course we have a biased and sexist dating system that never fails to shame women for all the men they have been with, and as the pillar of italy's culture is family, the woman is expected to get married and have children by her midst 30's, which is simply too soon considering that we are in school from 6 to 18 years old, till 24 for the maximum (5 years) university degree course, ignoring the possibility that one may take longer, three years or longer internship, with minimum salary, till finally (after 2 or 3 years) your seniors stop abusing you with excessive workload and you make it in the league of "mom and dad, I'm moving out".

Something that must also be said is that most women even tough, they have a degree are housewives, forced by society, and lack of parenthood assistance, therefore, if you are nearing you 30's you haven't had a boyfriend ever or just then, you are seen as a failure....

You read that right, you failed to procreate in such a hard living conditions, unemployed/ financially unstable boyfriend, part time job, high living cost.

Also once you find a permanent job, they can disqualify you, during a interview after asking if you intend to have children, it is illegal, but still, done and lots of women get fired after ending up pregnant.

Something that both African and Italian's culture do not differ is the view of woman, a submissive figure in the household who ought to serve her husband, and children in that order exactly.

A well spoken woman such me therefore cannot be perceived as attractive nor pleasing to the eyes.

Let's get into the most debated subject of all: approval. I bet you are wondering what I'm talking about, when I say approval I mean blessing: basically your loved ones, approving and blessing your relationship with your lover. Now in Italy there is no such thing, your boyfriend/ girlfriend is exclusively your own business, your parents have no business or whatsoever in meddling in your relationships, (except, of course you are part of the LGBTQ+ community). On the other hand in African culture, you are required of your relatives approval, as continuing your relationship without it, it would mean embarking in a perilous and painful journey for both parties.

In this case I am a living proof of what I would like to name the "DECLE" rule, D stands for doctor, E for engineer, L for lawyer, C for CEO, and E gain for Entrepreneur, this world is a summary of all the jobs your lover has to work in, in order to increase the approval rate among family members.

"Adaline, come to Mommy" I called her extending my arms, Adaline stood up and started to waddle towards me "Good, girl come on you are almost here" I encouraged her excited, once she arrived to me I caught her before she fell. "Good job Mama" I clapped kissing her.

After a while Lexi, my sister with her family arrived. Lexi's husband was Marcus Kingston a chief, and then the two of them had two children Edward Kingston ( 4 years old), and Isabelle (13 months old) Kingston who has the same age as Adaline.

"Hi, thank you so much for watching the kids for us" thanked me Marcus putting down Edward, "We'll be back as soon as we can" reassured me my sister hugging me, she then put down Belle's car seat, kissed Edward and then they were off.

My sister Lexi was a professor, She teaches Greek, Latin, and literature, while Marcus had a chain of restaurants. They lived in Canada , but would often travel to other countries.

I cuddled up with a still sleeping Belle while Edward played with Adaline.

When Belle woke up I gave her, her bottle, burped her and let her play with Adaline. As dinner time was getting closer we rushed to the mall to buy something to eat, as I sent a help request to Rajiv he came to my apartment.

"Edward say hello, to auntie's friend" "Hi" he said, " We better go, before it's too late" I said passing the stroller to Rajiv, he then put Belle inside grabbed the diaper bag and headed out with me, Adaline and Edward following behind​.

When we got home Rajiv started to cook, "you know Aaron asked me your number today..." he said nonchalantly "What?!" I screamed surprised "Why?" "He said so that he could reach you by himself and not through me, but I think he's interested in you" he confessed. " Why would he? Anyway What did you do?" I asked unable to hide my concern " I gave it to him" he answered calm, "I thought "why not?"" He kept playing dumb knowing I had no intention to date him. "You need to stop playing cupid, and face the reality, my situation is too complicated for someone to understand let apart date me, and actually I like it" I admitted happy. "Dinner is ready" he announced giving up on the subject.

In all my life, I've never had a single thought about getting married, my mom was obsessed with it, despite the fall her marriage took, but I in the other hand never thought about it seriously. The only thing I wanted were kids, and maybe a dog or two, but a husband wasn't something I longed for.

Growing up I asked myself too many times if there was something wrong with me not being attracted by men, maybe I was not attracted by Italian men, maybe I was attracted to another country's men, I don't know but then again everyone is different. I took advantage of the fact that I was studying medicine to avoid the topic, but once I was done my aunties started to introduce many men eligible for marriage, hurrying me to marry

Once it was bedtime I bathed Adaline and Belle, while Rajiv helped Edward getting dressed.

"You know what? You really are a good mother, you don't need a man" yawned Rajiv closing his eyes.

That for me meant a lot, I was grateful to be living in a modern era, during which people wouldn't get judged people based on love life, because everyone has a different story, and we only a have one life to live, that's too little to be wasting it in something you are not passionate about. Dating I did not even know how that worked, I was totally lacking in that topic, as it required lots of social skills and time and patience. There were many variants in the dating game, too many influencing factors.... What if they cheat on me? What if their parents don't like me? What if we have different values and way of communicating? And most terrifying what if we fall out of love? It was simply a gambling game.