For those who forgot how it feels to be loved, for those who need reminding, for those whose heart need a break from the brutalities of the world, for the hopeless romantic, the haunted by anxiety, insomnia and demons from the past, for those seekin...
"Come on, Ezra, you are going to be late" I reminded him helping him fix his t-shirt, "Don't you want to see daddy?" "Non proprio" (not really) he replied frankly, I stopped on my tracks and observed his little face, most times I wasn't personally there to surveil the twos but I would send Ezra's and Adaline's babysitter with them.
"Perché no?" (Why not?) Ezra didn't answer, he simply didn't want to talk about it, in that moment, so I avoided prying further with questions that would only make him more frustrated, I picked him up and seated him in his car seat, after a while we arrived at Aaron's house, I got out and took Ezra out as well.
"Are my eyes deceiving me or is it Isa Thompson that honoured me of a visit?" He sarcastically questioned, making his way to us, "It's nice to see you two, Aaron, let's keep things civil shall we?" If there was something I couldn't stand my children seeing is fighting especially in the house.
We went inside the house, "..So to what do I owe the visit? You finally grew tired of playing house with Rajiv?" "Vai a giocare nella tua stanza" (Go play in your room, baby) I urged Ezra.
"I called Ms. Gutierrez (the kids nanny), and she told me you haven't really been engaging with the whole father's role, and what it includes, the fact that she's there doesn't mean you get to slack off, she comes only to supervise, I mean how bad must've it been for my baby, not to want to come"
"Hey! It's not easy for me either, I can't even see my own son whenever I want, and to be honest how can I ever compete, with you and that fucking clown playing house together" the situation escalated really quickly from there: "You wanted this, you wanted a child with me so bad, you had me thinking you love me, pregnant and almost married to you, remember?"
"And yes I know it takes two to tango, but you should stick to your responsibilities as a father at least, Dr. Greast told me you dropped out of the research, what is it that occupies your head and day so much that you can't even, take care of your son for a day".
"You! Okay? I'm still not over you, how can I be? When I see him, he reminds me of how we could have formed a happy family, and you know it's still not late... I know you are not happy either being separated, growing up seeing your parents separated wasn't always easy, if you'd just give-" "Aaron for the love of God, keep my parents out of your mouth" that pathetic prick knew where and how to hurt me. "You liked the fact that I was easy to manipulate, you never loved me Aaron" I interrupted his delusion, "So you're going to punish our son, for not being able to have me, as you wish? Seriously Aaron?" "I wouldn't exactly put it like that" he smirked, " I am sure he would want the same, a normal happy family with his biological dad, not some Indian lad, who pretends to be one".
"That's the point, we could have never been happy, this family that you are talking about started with deception and lies and manipulation, and you know it" "Oh, here she goes like she never got anything wrong, that's rich from you, you know... I remember a certain Dr. Callingan, calling you, in regards of your abortion, consultation"
My feet stood firm as rocks implanted in ground and yet I wanted to run away crying. It was my choice to make, that was my right, yet he did not hesitate to use that against me. "Would you blame me? I felt caged, I knew I would end up being miserable tying myself to you with a baby, and you still are the most pathetic excuse of a man"
"Ezra, andiamo!" (Let's go) I grabbed my purse Aaron's hand grabbed a hold of my arm, "Where do you think you are going with my son?" "Oh, now you care? This possessiveness is not healthy you know?" I smiled grinning, he tightened his grip on me refusing to let go, "Listen now, If you don't get you hand off of me right now, I will make sure you will never be able to use it again" I whispered angrily, at him, Ezra came to us, which is what prompted Aaron to let go.
"Saluta papà" (say bye to daddy), my voice as well as my mind was about to break down and this time would have been not a kind sobbing kind of breakdown, but one in which I struggled to let go of anger and in the midst fought my urge of violence.
"Ti va di andare a vedere Adaline alle prove di ginnastica?" ( Would you like coming along to see your sister gymnastics practice?) "Va bene" (Okay). While we were sitting on the benches watching Adaline exercise, Ezra scooted closer to me, leaned forward towards my ear, his little hands preventing any other sound to enter, "Sei alabbiata?"(Are you angry?) I whispered in his ears, "un po' " (a bit), "Va bene lo stesso se papà non vuole giocare" (it's fine if daddy won't play with me) in everything he said he stopped to look at me in the eyes.
"I can always play with you, and lo zio" (...and uncle) he commented finally, he would switch from one language to another if he ever encountered a word he wasn't confident with, which was why I had been practicing with his pronunciation. "Ti piace così tanto lo zio" (Do you like uncle Rajiv that much?) Ezra grinned nodding his head excessively. "Your daddy loves you know?" "I know mommy" " He is the one who wanted you before you were even born , and was so happy when he found out he was going to be daddy, so don't you ever doubt that, okay?" I cleared up taking his hand is hands in mines.
Later Adaline was done so I helped her change, "Mamma, ma mi avete guardata per tutto il tempo?" (Mamma, have you been watching me all along?) "Si" (Yes) Ezra jumped up and about, "You were so good and precise in everything, I am really proud of you" I showered her with kisses as she giggled.
Rajiv's pov
"Cosa avete mangiato a cena cena?" (What did you have for dinner?) I rummaged through the fridge hungry as soon as I came back from work, "Go change first, here" Isa handed me a long ass cucumber to eat before eating dinner, "Are you dressed?" Isa knocked on the door, waiting for me to reply, I came out smelling something good from the kitchen.
"Spaghetti alle vongole" she pointed the plate then sat next to me, as the different ingredients danced in my mouth a moan as well as an "I love you" escaped my lips. "Preferisco ti voglio bene" (I prefer You want what's best for me) - in Italian to say 'I love you' we use the expression 'ti voglio bene' , as I grew up I started to notice the difference, love can be selfish, imposing, suffocating, toxic, and possessive but when we use the expression 'Ti voglio bene' is clear that the person who says it means it in a vast totality, at the end of our days, to the end of the world I want what's best for you, even If I won't be with you, even if it hurts me, or kill me, I want what's best for you - (Voglio il tuo bene)- Isa explained drained.
"I had a hard time today" she then confessed resting her head on the table, I kept eating my meal, yet my eyes secretly peeking at her. I squeezed her hand under the tablecloth, as she dozed off into Dreamland.
I put a blanket over her so she wouldn't be cold, as I was writing on my diary, as part of my therapy, two heads popped up within darkness and made their way to me, they didn't ask nor hesitated to make my bed their own.
Once they had gotten comfortable, I started patting Ezra to help him back to sleep, Adaline instead needed no assistance."I missed you, uncle" Ezra sighed dozing off, that sentence prevented me to overthink all the million things I had in my mind and just be there.
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