Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter fourty four: Sleepless nights

Isa's pov

How was it possible? Why would anyone do this? I just need sleep. Right, it's just midnight I will manage to get a good 2 hours before he eats next, right?

The moment had come for us to leave the hospital l, and I don't think I had ever felt so sad, about leaving, as a patient I mean... I was afraid of Ezra, his tiny being threatened to expose the things I lacked of as parent.

Anyway being in the hospital he had mostly been taken care by the nurses, my siblings and the thought of having him home did not delight me at all, in this topic me and Aaron had decided to be a team, which meant no arguing.

Feed, change, rock, feed, change, rock, feed, rock, change, feed.

Had become my routine of two hours, and to my surprise we started to talk about poop, every time we felt so ecstatic and sleep deprived to exchange words, or sounds for what mattered...

Did he poop? When? How much? What colour was it? What viscosity? Was it liquid or dense?

Became normal part of our short convo.

The first three weeks were like I was doing my internship from year one all over again, but my patients were just two who needed my undivided attention 24h a day , we had a lot of help from my siblings' nannies which, being someone who literally feels so bad about asking for help, made me feel guilty.

The baby needed to be fed each 1 or 3 hours, each session lasted 30 or 60 minutes. Every time he cried my breasts started to physically ache, causing me to wake up if I was sleeping. My boobs were constantly engorged with milk, I was yet to be able to sit or stand without feeling pain, my body was still trying to reabsorb the excess skin in my belly, which made me feel daunted.

Ezra ate slowly, which made the breastfeeding session harder, my eyes pleaded to be left closed, as soon as my eyelids started to feel heavy Ezra, would clench his little hands and rub them against my boob.

Luckily Adaline adjusted more than well to her little brother, she would always ask to hold him, and pat him in the back after he was done eating. Since we didn't want her to feel left out, me but mostly Aaron would still find time to spend just with her.

Ezra was a big eater, he loved being breastfed, don't get me wrong I loved it too, but I sometime wished I could take a shower calmly. I thought I was having a hard time, then it came the time to manage on our own....

And then there were cries, screams, and sleepless nights. Through them all Aaron was by my side, sometimes dozing off, but still wary; he would stay awake during all my breast feeding session at least the first three weeks, so that I wouldn't neither thought about murdering him nor felt envious about him not having boobs.

I had woke up for the third time that night, so Ezra could eat, I was dozing off, but Aaron kept staring at him surprised, "What are you looking at?" I asked with my eyes still closed, "Our son, he's eating so well" he said.

I smiled at his remark, "Is it good, baby?" he sweet talked "it must be good since your mommy is feeding you". Aaron's sweet voice ripped me off from Dreamland, "Shhhh" I silenced him "You can sleep" "Are you sure?" "Yeah" "Can I have a kiss then?" asking that he immediately sat up, "Yes".

His wet lips, gently crushed in mines as he reminded me "I love you, so much it hurts" he said with his face inches from mine, "Can I have another kiss?" "Last one" I warned him.

Few days later

Aaron's pov

It was time for me to go back to work, but there was this voice in my head telling me not to. The day before Isa had had a mental breakdown, she couldn't stand being home anymore, she missed her job and wanted to go back as soon as possible, meanwhile she felt guilty about not being able to be a stay- at home mom, which broke my heart.

We were having breakfast, Isa sat at the table waiting to realize what was going on, and believe me it was hard without coffee. "Mommy" Adaline called her "Mhh?" Isa jolted awake, "Stai male?" (Are you sick?) "No, tesoro. Sono solo un po' stanca" (no sweetie, I am just a bit tired) she replied, Adaline sat on Isa's lap hugging her "Do you want me to skip kindergarten and cuddle with you?" she proposed.

Isa laughed, "Bel tentativo. Ora sbrigati altrimenti farai tardi a scuola" (nice try, now hurry or else you will be late for school) as Adaline went in her room to get her things, I finally said what I had been thinking.

"What if I don't go back to work?" "What about you going back and me looking after the kids?" Isa looked at me trying to understand whether I was serious or no.

"What? No... Wait, are you serious? don't know... I mean it could work but..." "Let's think about it, okay?" "Okay".

Later

Isa's pov

"I'm home!" "Shhhh" I half-shouted throwing one of my shoes at Rajiv, "Damn, girl. I see you're happy to see me" he joked, "I am, it's just hard when you have a new born that loves being on the boob all the time" "Where's my little prince?" "In my room, don't wake him up, if you don't have a death wish".

I took advantage of the situation and took a shower, "Rajiv is here?" Aaron came out of the room "Yeah, you can go, take your time and buy me some food" I suggested glad Rajiv had come to the rescue, truth to be told I did not like at all the distance between me and him, I could not help but to feel abandoned, I needed him, to invade my space, to be dramatic, to hear his sarcasm, to bother me, we had already lost Violet, therefore my separation anxiety grew exponentially high.

Him, being there meant I could afford to do some laundry and take a brief  nap, there was a a pile of dirty laundry looking at me like its only goal was to swallow me, the floor  of the entire house needed some vacuuming as well as mopping, the kids' toys needed to be sanitised and the time to change the bed sheets came, I never considered these chores  as dreading until I had a new born that demanded my attention so frequently.